Is it hard understanding, I'm incomplete
by ScrewThisImOuttaHere
Summary: FRERARD-"Gerard Way… you?" I couldn't help but smile back as I went to shake his hand. The second our hands touched I lost my breath, and let out a barely audible "Frank…" Please R&R SLASH! Gerard Way & Frank Iero meet in school  not in the band yet
1. First school day FPOV

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: HEY! Okay so this is my first frerard story and I'm super exited to see if you like it or if I should continue to fantasise in my head and stop this train wreck lol**

**Dissclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Please let me know, cuz if it aint good I don't think I'll continue it… thanks! **

**Chapter 1 **

**First day of school (FPOV)**

I was fixing my hair in front of my bedroom mirror behind my door. I was straightening it so it would look at least decent on the first day of school, _eleventh grade ugh! Great.._. I had managed to make it look alright, but the bangs kept curling into a swirl at the ends. _I give up._ I sighed looking at my self, I bent forward so I was inches from the mirror trying to will my hair into the shape wanted while I pulled at the ends to the side. I was giving up when my mum opened forcefully the door yelling "C'mon Frank you'll be late for school!" effectively crushing the door against my face.

I fell hard to the floor grabbing my head with both my hands. "Shit Frank! Are you alright?" I couldn't quite answer, it was more like a silent elongated _fuuuuuuuuuuuck_. I groaned "Oh my baby, I'm so, so sorry, I didn't mean to I just-I didn't see you there and-Oh my God are you sure you're alright?" she was kneeling in front of me, desperately trying to pry my hands from my forehead so she could check it out, but I wasn't letting go, pressing against the bump made it feel better and as soon as I tried to let go, it began to pulsate and it hurt, so I was holding on for dear life. "Yeah mum, sure…" Okay so I'm kind of a pussy, I mean it was just a door… _being forcefully thrown open right in my face!_ but still I admit it... I have a _huge_ aversion to pain... except for needles; needles feel amazing against my skin... that's why I had so many tattoos, and piercings. It was just that amazing burning sensation as the needle pierces through your skin, the smell of the ink... the pleasure of knowing the result... I love it, actually I can't believe I don't have more, but I guess when I find something worth etching on my skin for eternity I'll go through the process again.

I hate people who tattoo something on their bodies because it "looks good", I think that if your going to be stuck with something on you forever then it must have meaning, like real, deep meaning, cause with aesthetics you may change your mind or the trend may change, with meaning, well, it will always mean something to you, it will always remember you of that time, of those circumstances, and that's what I like of tattoos, that's why I get them.

The bus was loud when I came to my senses, we were almost on school grounds… Hmm… _had we taken longer than usual to get here?_ I guess I was distracted on the way here, but I could have sworn we'd taken longer than usual. I had a good memory and usually sit alone cause I don't have many friends… And by that, I mean I don't have any, not really. So I usually stare at the road on our way to school, and I had sort of memorized the way here (years of staring at the same over and over everyday make you do that) and I believe we took a detour… but I wasn't sure, _maybe a new student?_ It _was_ the beginning of a new year, so it was certainly possible there was a new stop.

I looked around trying to figure if I saw any new faces, and not get hit in the process for pissing someone off with my staring… sitting two rows behind me sat two new kids, at least I think they're new, I'm not much of a people person, so I don't know everyone at school, but I like to think I would be able to recognize them if facing them, and I don't have any recollection of those faces.

The one closest to the window must be like eighteen years old, so I'm guessing he's a senior. He had long black hair that reached his shoulders, it was straight, but kinda wavy, it was a mess. He was extremely pale and his hazel eyes framed with thick eyelashes and eyeliner were lost on the road, much like mine were everyday. I couldn't really see what he was wearing but I could see the collar of a black tee.

The kid sitting besides him was immerged on a book I couldn't quite see. He had dirty blonde hair pulled to the front in side bangs, it was very messy as well, but not nearly as much as his…brother? He was wearing thick-rimmed glasses and a black tee as well from what I could see. I was trying to figure his face, which was buried in the book when I was wrenched forward as the bus came to a stop. My bag hit the floor and I bend to pick it up realising I had been staring at those guys, my face heated up and I could feel a blush creeping on me, making me even more embarrassed. I scrambled to my feet looking back at the new kids, the younger one stood up still reading and being shoved by the other students trying to get off the bus, he didn't seem to care, either that was one hell of a good book or he was used to it… my bet was on both. The older one was still with his head pressed against the window, but now he had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths. I saw the blonde one lower his book and look down at the other one, he put his hand on his shoulder until he looked up, he smiled down to him and resumed reading his book and passing by me to get off the bus with the rest. The other one looked down took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully, then grabbed his bag and stood up, I realised he was probably gonna look up and catch me staring so I quickly made my way off the bus leaving him behind.

As I walked towards my own personal hell I remember one thing that always made me smile, Lindsay, she was my girlfriend, and had been for over two years now. That's what I meant when I say I don't really have friends, I don't, I have her, and her friends, which I don't consider to be mine. I smiled to myself as I thought of her, and my smile grew when I smelled her scent, it was very unique, very feminine and flowery, it wasn't my favourite, but it reminded me of her, and that made it nice, I already knew what was going to happen, she always stalks me when she thinks I haven't seen her, so she walks right behind me for a while and when she's sure I haven't notice her she pounces on my back… what she didn't know is that I didn't have to see her to know she was there, I could recognize that scent miles away, so as always I smiled and prepared myself for when she decided to pounce on me.

And as predicted just when I was nearing the building's door she jumped on my back kissing my cheek and growling in my ear, I laughed and turned my head so I could kiss her while I grabbed the back of her knees so I could hold her weight. "Hey sweetie!" she chirped at me. "Hey, new year already huh?" I pondered, I couldn't believe time had blown past so fast, it was like yesterday that we first began dating freshman year. "I know right? It's like tomorrow we'll be graduating time is passing by so fast!" she giggled and hopped off my back, "So what'd ya have first period?" she smiled up at me, I couldn't believe how pretty she was, she had dyed her hair blonde and it suited her perfectly, I smiled down at her with a goofy face and answered her I didn't know, she laughed at me and took the schedule from my hands and scanned it over, then frowned. "Hey, what's wrong?" I hated to see her sad, and I wanted to remove that frown from her pretty little face, "We don't have any of the classes together… not even one!" she pouted at me, that was weird… how could we not have at least one class together? We had even taken the same electives as to have more time together… I frowned and took the paper back to check it for my self… she was right, not even one class together... hmm... I bet I can get it fixed… "Hey, don't pout at me… " I said to her lifting her chin and kissing lightly her puckered lips "I'll get it fixed, I'll go to the main office and see if I can change some classes to coincide with yours, how does that sound?" I asked her smiling, she beamed at me, told me I was the best, kissed me and bid me goodbye before running off to her first class.

I smiled to my self as I made my way to my first period, which was English, _sucks…_ plus I was alone… at least last year I could endure this class cause I had Lyn next to me, that thought made me smile… then frown realising I wasn't going to see her until lunch. The teacher came in and order silence, I didn't even realised the class had filled with students, none of them the one I wanted to see, I resigned myself and when I saw the title on the blackboard 'Love through Literature' I decided to definitely zone out and think of more pleasant things… and so I did. As the voice of Mr. Newton drone out more and more, images of Lyn began to surface, and I waited for the buzz to fill me, that buzzing almost drunk-ish sensation I always get when I think of her… our first date, the first time I saw her, our first anniversary, our first kiss... first times were always the best… cause it was new and exiting and thrilling… and as expected the buzz came… but it was weird, it wasn't as strong, as powerful, it didn't make me drunk and hazy… it was like a little tingling, nothing special, like the tingling you get from seeing someone hot, not the one you're supposed to get from someone you're supposed to love. I shoved the thought aside and pinned it on the lack of caffeine my brain was going through.

As I tried to go back to the lesson and occupy my head in something else two thoughts remained in my head, the first being the realization that despite the fact we'd been together for over two years now, Lindsay and I have never said _I love you_ to each other… and I wonder how common that is, if it is common at all… and the second one was just an image… a head of black messy long hair and the tingling it brought along…

**A/N: okay! So let me know! Should I continue this? I'm a big fan of frerad and after reading like a million of stories (amazing stories btw) I realised all that I wanted in a story and decided to make it happen, so tell me is it any good? OH and if I do decide to go through with this I would like to have a beta pretty please! I don't really know how it works so if anyone out there would like to help me it would be awesome! :D**


	2. First school day GPOV

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: OKAY so here's chapter 2… hope you like it :D please please pelase R&R! Love you guys!**

**Dissclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 2**

**First day of school (GPOV)**

_New school YAY! _Did you catch the sarcasm there? Oh yeah… we had just moved here a week ago from New York, New Jersey isn't precisely _far_ but it was the change my family needed, the change _I _needed. The real reason we had to move is because my mum left my dad… fucking finally! And well she wanted to go far away… alas! Jersey ain't so far ain't it? The thing is the Mikey my little brother, he's 16, has a girlfriend he 'really loves' and basically freaked out when my mum asked us if we would be willing to move to California… apparently she was really intent on going as farthest away as possible, I didn't care, I just wanted out, I didn't care if we ended up in Mexico, as long as I wasn't there.

I hated my old school; real, profound, passionate, cellular level kinda hate. I hated everyone there, there used to be an exception, Lindsey, or Lizzie, she was my ex-girlfriend, we broke up three weeks before school was over, the reason? She said there was someone else… not like she liked someone else, but that I was supposed to be seeing someone else. That shit wasn't true, but it didn't stop her from making a scene at the school cafeteria… movie much? Oh yes… the whole screaming 'cheating bastard' and the slap across the face and the whole shebang. The worst part? I was allegedly cheating on her with a man… a man! Are you kidding me? I didn't even have any friends! It's not like she could have caught me as much as talking to someone, she was the only one I ever talked to! Ugh!

Anyways Jersey apparently was just far enough from my father but close enough that my brother could keep his relationship stable, fuck it I don't care, all I'm going to do is go to school for the two years remaining, don't talk to anyone, just keep to myself, and then go off to college as far as possible and do the same.

I was just finishing tying my cargo boots when Mikey came into my room "Hey bro hurry up we can't miss the bus, here…" I looked up and saw him smiling at me holding out a portable cup of coffee, I smiled at the smell "Yeah okay, I'm ready, thanks M" I smiled at him as I picked the coffee and walked past him, I was ready and Mikey joined me on the sidewalk to walk to the bus. I hated buses, they make me dizzy, and they're always full of idiots making out, and jerking around, and pushing people, and it smells like sweat and glue and bad food. I hadn't been on a bus in years, since I was a kid, I used to walk to school, but now we live too far away and it would take too long to walk to school.

I got in and as was expected everyone stared, seriously it was like we were zombies or some shit like that, everyone like stopped what they were doing to stare. I got in first so I took it that I as supposed to find a seat. The only person who didn't stop and stare was a guy sitting on the middle of the bus to the left, he was sitting alone and had his head pressed against the window looking out. He seemed so immerse on his thoughts he didn't seem to be distracted by anything, he would smile all of the sudden or make disgusted faces at no one in particular, it was funny and I envied him a bit. To have the ability to just disappear for a while sounds like something I could really benefit from, especially with my new found resolution to not speak to anyone.

If I had been alone I would have probably sat with him, he seemed like the kinda guy I would talk to, he had black hair pulled forward in side bangs, but they had a twist at the end, it looked good on him, and he had streaks of blonde on the sides, it fit him well. He was very pale and had green eyes, he was wearing eyeliner much like I do, which was weird cause at my old school those guys we're assholes, he didn't look like one. He was wearing a simple fitted white tee and black skinnies with black and white chucks. He had style, I decided since I was with my brother and it was rude to stare, especially since I just complained about being stared at, I'd move forward as the bus started moving and sat about two rows from the guy… I thought I'd try out his method to disappear so I lay my head on the window and just stared blankly outside and try to think of anything that wasn't the hellhole we were headed to.

I glanced sideways and read the title on Mikey's book "The curious incident of the dog in the night-time" –Mark Haddon, he had bought it two days ago and was practically finishing it, he said it was very interesting and well-written etc… I have learned when it comes to Mikey and his books, if for some reason I make the grave mistake of asking him about them, to just nod and drone out his voice, cause he can talk about them forever, and I just don't have that kind of space in my brain to spare.

I looked forward past the heads of the bimbos sitting in front of us that were looking at us, to the guy sitting alone two rows ahead, he was still leaning against the window but he suddenly raised his head he began to look around and when I realised he was going to look my way I moved my eyes back to the road. I could feel him looking at me, staring, and it made me feel weird, not bad, or intimidated, not like he was violating my privacy or scrutinizing me, but like tingly, it was weird, I've never felt like that, and I didn't dare to look at him back, then he stared at my brother, he never noticed, he was too into his book. I felt something, like anger, but subtler. I looked at him, he didn't notice, I think, he was looking at my brother, and I wanted him to be looking at me, not at him, then the bus jerked forward when it stopped and I realised we had reached the school, the guy had fallen or something cause I couldn't see him anymore, but I didn't care, I had a more pressing issue right now… school…

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, I try to calm myself as I felt Mikey get up from his seat, it was all rushing to me, and I was freaking out, I felt M's hand on my shoulder and I made the effort to look up at him, he smiled, I knew that smile, it said 'its gonna be okay, just relax, I'm here for you' then he lifted his book again and made his way out of the bus. I looked down to take one final deep breath _C'mon! don't be such a pussy, is just a school, just. a. school. Be a man, get up and face the next two years with your head up high. At least no one will call you a cheating fag here… deep breath… in… out.. lets do this shit! _I stood up and walked purposefully out of the bus.

As I walked towards my prison I saw the guy from the bus, there was a girl walking right behind him following his every step, it made me feel weird, like I wanted to yell at him to be careful, and when she jumped on his back I could have sworn he would have fallen, he seemed so tiny and fragile but he didn't even flinch even when I realised she had surprised him. I almost yelled at him, or run and offered help, then I remember I didn't know the guy and it would be weird, especially when he turned his head to kiss her and laughed along with whatever she was saying into his ear, _Oh… so they're like… together…_ I suddenly felt kinda sick so I just fetched my schedule and checked my first class, _Art… great, at least something I can vent to… then… English, math and…MUSIC! Awesome… It'll be a good morning… at least I hope so…_

I headed towards art class, at least what I thought was art class, I was about to enter a room when someone was just coming out, I crashed into the person, I looked down to a blond girl, I looked at her clothes and realise I recognized that skirt and shirt, she was the girl that hopped on the guy's back, the guy from the bus. "Hey, oh sorry, didn't see ya there!... hey! You're the new kid right?" she looked up at me with a questioning look and smile on her face, I looked up to the class and saw everyone on desks writing or taking out heavy looking books and backpacks, _clearly this isn't art… math maybe?_ I heard her clear her throat, I looked down she was expecting an answer, _Damn, 15 minutes in and my plan was already failing… "_Umm… yeah… hey, do you know where room 209 is? The art class?" I said as polite as I could "Oh… yeah umm… you mean room 209b… this is 209a it's the physics lab… 209b is over there, around the corner" she said smiling, I nodded and walked away, but I felt her behind me, I decided to ignore her until she came up to me "Hey, since you're new maybe you would like to have lunch with me and my friends? So you're not alone?" she was staring at the floor then she looked up at me smiling, she looked shy, but for some reason her staring made me uncomfortable… I was very unsure as to whether take her up on her offer since it was completely opposite of what I intended to do… though if I lunched with her it was to be expected that her 'boyfriend' or what ever would be there, and I wanted to meet him, still she was breaking my plan, and I was getting uncomfortable.

The bell rang with perfect timing saving me from answering "Hey thanks for the directions… I-I gotta go, don't want to be late…" I said to her looking at my inexistent watch, and then walked off to where she told me my class was. I looked at the plastic sign that said 209B, I sighed and entered hoping everyone would be as antisocial as the people in my last school, and that the overly friendly girl would be just an exception.

**A/N: okay so I know this chapter was kinda boring, but if there's one thing I hate is when people rush into things and in the same day they meet and kiss and fall in love and its just too unreal to me… I like to make it more real and take my time, so if you like it review please so I can improve and make my story better! And well hold on I'll make things happen trust me ;] plus I wanted you to know the little backround of them… and no I didn't make a mistake franks gf is called Lindsay and gee's ex is called Lindsey… you'll see why ;] xoxo HEY! Tell me if you prefer to have frank's POV or gee's ok? :]**


	3. All you need is love?

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: HEY! ****Third chapter… Hope you like it! :D Sorry it took this long! My computer committed suicide! But it didn't count with my CPR abilities :D remember to R&R**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 3**

**All you need is love? (FPOV)**

"What do you feel when you're in love?" Mr. Newton asked.

"Butterflies in your tummy!"

"Sweaty hands!"

"Your heart racing!"

"A boner!" everyone laughed at that, and of course it was one of the brainless jocks that couldn't spell love if their life depended on it. But that question got me thinking, _what _are_ you supposed to feel when you're in love? What do I feel? Am I in love? _ I began thinking, I mean I've with Lyn for over two years, 2 years and 2 months to be precise, and when we began dating I really liked her, she's very pretty and funny and she kinda gets me, but I've seen the other relationships and how they progress and usually at the month or two they have sex or even earlier… we still haven't, and normally at the third month they say they love each other, and so it progresses… I was listening to the answers of my classmates… I never felt butterflies, I don't know the feeling, I have never had it… my hands were never sweaty… my heart never raced… so if I never felt those things, did that mean I wasn't in love? Was she in love with me? She would have told me, right? Was our relationship healthy?

I was suddenly realising as I left Mr. Newton's class that I didn't know how I felt… about anything. Meanwhile flickers of alabaster hair roamed my head giving me a tingly feeling… like my torso had gone numb, you know that feeling? Like fucking ants are crawling all over you? Yeah, that one… ugh… I'm so fucking tired! I really need some caffeine, I cant believe I ran out of my house without a cup of coffee in my system, I mean at first its just tiredness, but now its like full-blown withdrawal, I know how that sounds but seriously coffee is my drug, it's the only thing that gets me through the day.

I had a couple more classes before my favourite one rolled around… music. And by this point I was practically a zombie, and why didn't I get some coffee from the school cafeteria or something you ask? Because they fucking took it away, that's why… I mourned that day… like literally mourned, you could say I almost cried, that day I went straight from school to a wall-mart to buy a portable coffee mug which has been since then practically glued to my hand, but of course I forgot all about it this morning having to run out to catch the damn bus in time.

And now I was in a grumpy mood, but having music made my day a little better, plus after music we had lunch and that meant I got to see Lyn… suddenly I realised the warm feeling in my stomach, the tingling, disappeared… that was wrong, the tingling should begin and get heightened whenever I thought of her, not the other way around... _nah I'm just being paranoid…_ _it's the lack of coffee… and sleep, yeah that's what I need, I need to sleep… and to see her… I'm probably just being super panicky because I'm subconsciously freaking out I won't get to see her as much this year… yeah…that's exactly it_. I smiled at my deep insight knowing it was the most probable scenario as I entered the music room.

There was another thing that made me smile… I closed my eyes as the sweet scent wafted through the air, suddenly I felt myself moving toward the sweet smell, coffee… _mmm…_ and something else, something I couldn't quite put my finger on, but the mixture was intoxicating… it was mouth-watering… I wanted to taste it… if the smell could be so appealing I could only imagine the taste…

Suddenly I bumped into someone, snapping my eyes open, being forced back into reality. I recognized the hair, as he turned around, his expression mirroring mine of shock. The scent was stronger here and I looked down to a portable mug of coffee he was holding in his left hand. A moan escaped my mouth at the scene, and I heard a chuckle come from him. He extended his left hand putting the mug near my chest, "Hey you want some?" I looked up at him, he was smiling, and that made the tingling in my stomach grow stronger, almost making me sick, "Umm…wait what?" I couldn't think straight, and I couldn't fathom that a stranger would sacrifice precious coffee for another stranger… plus the smell was making me dizzy, _what the hell is that smell?_

"I asked you if maybe you wanted some coffee? I know that look, and withdrawal is a hard process to go through…" he said chuckling. Somehow everything he said was droned like we were underwater, and I couldn't stop staring at his hazel eyes… I think I'm going to be sick, I'm dizzy and out of it, _maybe I have the flu? _ "Umm… sure yeah, thanks!" I tried to answer coherently as I took the mug from him and lifted it to my nose, I sniffed at the lid trying to envelope myself in the intoxicating smell, but was extremely disappointed to realise it just smell like coffee and nothing special. "Everything okay? Its black…" he said suddenly with a questioning look on his face taking me away from my thoughts, "Yeah, no, great! Thanks!" I said as I took a sip of the hot liquid and felt it burn deliciously my tongue and throat, the taste was strangely familiar, it was exactly how I took it, and only my mum knew how to do it… I smiled and couldn't help another moan escaping me at the sheer pleasure of the caffeine kicking in.

I took a second sip revelling in the taste and opened my eyes to unfortunately give it back to its rightful owner. He was gaping at me and when I our eyes met he shook his head and closed his mouth, I normally would've laughed at the scene, but suddenly I realised how close we were, since I bumped into him we hadn't separated so we were very close, and the scent that had hypnotised me before, hit me once again making me numb, "Uh… hey…umm… tha-thanks for the…um… coffee… yeah uh… here…" I stammered as I tried to extend my hand to return him his mug, he broke the stare to look down at the coffee in my hand "Hey, why don't you keep that? Its my third cup today and you look like you could really use it" he looked back up at me smiling, but a frown formed on his face, he lifted his hand to my head and carefully moved my hair to the side, he stared at my forehead with concern and very delicately touched it, I winced at the pain remembering the bump I had gotten from the door, he looked down with concern in his face, but I couldn't think of anything that wasn't his fingers lightly posed on my forehead, it was like an electric shock that made the ants in my stomach go wild, "I bumped into my bedroom door this morning" I blurted out, he smiled sweetly then combed my hair back into its original position, just then the teacher came in an ask us to be seated, so he turned around and went to take a seat, I stood there dumbfounded staring at him until the teacher cleared her throat and I realised I was the only one left standing so I walked towards an empty seat.

The class flew by with the introduction of the new teacher and the planning of the year, she explained what the exam would consist of and that we were allowed to work in pairs or groups as long as the amount of work was equal for everyone, I personally didn't pay much attention and just looked forward for the end of the day… _I think I'll skip after lunch… my mind is just off… I think I'm getting sick… it will be better to just go home… and lye down…_ the bell rang and I bolted from the class not looking back.

I walked in the cafeteria to see Lyn on our usual table sitting with her friends, suddenly I froze, I saw her excitedly get up and run towards someone, it was the guy with black hair, the guy from the bus, _I cant believe I still don't know his name…_ she looked exited and almost flirty, he looked awkward and uncomfortable, I felt so jealous, like I was about to go and punch one of them… who, I didn't know… I decided to just skip lunch all together and just go home.

As I walked home I tried not to think of anything, my mind was fuzzy and it was confusing me, so I just grabbed my ipod and hit play. The walk home was very long but it helped to clear my head, as the music entered and filled my ears I felt like my whole brain was swimming in lyrics that made me smile despite the dark lyrics. I took a small detour cause I wasn't quite ready to be home yet, as I walked I let my mind wonder to whatever the hell was in my brain at the moment… flashes began to appear, feelings of electricity, the tingly feeling I had never felt before, and the common factor that was the new guy…

I started thinking of him, the way his looks made me feel, the way his touch made me shiver, how his voice was like warm honey, and how no one's ever made me feel that way… much less having known them for less that 5 hours. The thing is I wasn't gay… _Pff! Yeah right… me? Gay? No way!_ So where was this coming from? I mean could I be like gay without knowing it? Could I really be attracted to this guy? And if I was, what was there to do? I mean he wasn't gay and coming out when I wasn't even sure and for a guy who would run away from me the second he knew would be social suicide… _I'm fucked aren't I… yep… royally and completely fucked…_

Just like with Lyn I felt him before I saw him, the smell… _jesus! I have got to find out what is it he wears cause its too much, I could have a boner from his scent alone! _Then I felt his hand on my shoulder so I turned around not surprised at all to find him standing there, smiling… it made me smile too. I took my headphones off and paused my music. "Hey…"

"Hi… umm… sorry to bother you, I just saw you and… I'm assuming you're skipping school as well?" he said looking at the floor… se seemed shy and it was adorable, it's so weird to think of a guy as 'adorable' seems wrong to me, but its how I feel and it feels worse to deny it to myself.

"Uh… yeah… for a first day it was kind of overwhelming…" a chuckle escaped me

"Yeah I know what you mean…" he said looking at his feet. There was an uncomfortable silence, he kept opening his mouth like he wanted to say something, but he never did, nor his eyes left the floor. Suddenly I felt like maybe I should say something, the thing is, I didn't know what… I mean _he_ approached _me_, right?

"Hey, was there like something you needed maybe?" I said as politely as possible, his presence was making me nervous and I couldn't stand the silence anymore.

He sighed and looked up at me, "No, not really… sorry I bothered you… I-I should… be going now…" he said pointing behind him to a tree with a messenger bag near it and books scattered on the grass. He quickly turned around and headed towards the tree, I was confused and sad to watch him leave, I mean he must have come to me for a reason right? I opened my mouth to call him back, but I realised I didn't have anything concrete to tell him either… _maybe just chat?_ But that was weird I mean I didn't even know the guy… "Hey!" I called out to him, he turned around, surprise written all over his face, "What's your name?" I asked him, biting my lip, maybe I was being to forward? I saw him smirk and look at the floor before answering, "Gerard…" he said with a grin on his face walking back towards me with his hand extended, "Gerard Way… you?" I couldn't help but smile back as I went to shake his hand. The second our hands touched I lost my breath, and let out a barely audible "Frank…" "Frank…?" he repeated after me, "Uh, yeah… Frank… Frank Iero…" it sounded like a question, _Fuck! I'm such a fucking idiot! He's going to think you're fucking rtarded or something! Jesus! "_…Iero" he said smiling, "Wha-what…?" _fuck! Pay attention you effin twat! _"I said, nice to meet you Frank Iero" he repeated very slowly, _Great! He thinks I'm slow now…_ but he was smiling, and still shaking my hand, I smiled back "Nice to meet you too Gerard" I answered back…

**A/N: SORRY! To leave it there, but I really wanted to upload! And sorry it took this long it was my effin computer that as broken **** and well, hoped you like it… I'll be updating the next chapter soon I promise! :D love you! Please review! It gives me the boost to write!**


	4. Confused

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: HEY! ****Fourth chapter… it didn't take too long did it? Hope you like it! Please review! "**Processing Error We are unfortunately unable to convert your document. This could be an internal error or a problem with your file. Please try again.

If you continue to receive this error, please forward your file to site support for further assistance.**" ****Sometimes you just gotta hate fanfiction :( as soon as it lets me this will be posted sorry for the delay…**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 4**

**Confused (GPOV)**

After he bumped into me in music class my head was spinning. The look on his face when he took a sip… and the moan… _Jesus Christ! The moan!_ I had to give him my coffee… I mean at first it was for charity, I'd recognize that face anywhere… lack of caffeine… something I have suffered from many times, so why not give a helping hand to a fellow addict? But after the little display I just had to give it to him… so that maybe I could catch another view of his face. I think he caught me gaping at him, but he didn't show it. _This was so weird… why was I thinking of him like that… I mean he's just another dude at this school, but for some reason he seems more special to me... he brings out reactions in me I never knew… _like that burning electricity when I touched hi forehead… I mean I didn't even mean to do that! It was like my hands had life of it own! Here I am the 'new guy' prodding a complete stranger in the middle of a classroom! Luckily he didn't seem to mind, so as soon as I saw the teacher come in I ran away before I did something I'd regret.

As I walked to the cafeteria I run into Mikey who was picking his books from the floor. "Hey Mikes! You kay?" I said to him as I picked the last book to help him out. "Yeah okay…fine…" he smiled up at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Hey M, what's wrong? Is someone already bullying you?" I asked incredulously, he looked down shaking his head, "Hey look at me… I'm not buying that shit… who was it?... Mikey, who was it?" he stood there staring at me shaking his head "I can's believe this shit! you've been here, what, five hours? Mikey, tell me who was it…" I told his with a stern look, he looked down shuffling his feet, "No one… it doesn't matter… I just tripped, I'm such a fucking looser…" he almost whispered with all the noise in the halls I barely heard him… but I did, and I was pissed, no one messes with my little brother… _no one… _not even him_._ "Listen its fine… really… no harm done… see? Just old klutz me…" he said smiling at me and pointing to his body, "Hey don't say that, you're not a looser… though you are kind of a klutz" I teased him, he chuckled and smiled, it made me instantly feel better... He bid me goodbye as he walked to a classroom near by, I watched him leave and turned to go to the cafeteria, though I wasn't hungry anymore I could at least get a refill on my coffee, _Shit! Where's my mug? Damn it! That kid from music class has it doesn't he? Fuck it, I'll just get coffee from a cardboard cup, they must have those right? _

"Sorry, we don't serve coffee anymore, the principal forbid it last year after a caffeine induced riot…" said the lunch lady smiling at me… smiling! She was saying there wasn't any coffee on premises How could she be smiling?

Just then I could hear someone running in my direction, I sighed frustrated and turned to see the extremely friendly blonde girl stopping in front of me beaming at me and asking me again to join her in her table for lunch. I peered behind her to see a table full of kids either smiling or staring in my direction, but no sight of the guy from the bus. Fuck it, I was pissed already, I'm going home. "Sorry… I-I'm… uh…yeah…okay bye…" I stammered and headed to the front door leaving her standing alone without an answer, I know I was rude but maybe that way she'll leave me alone, plus I'm too pissed to care about politeness.

I walked to the nearest bus stop to wait for the bus that would leave me in a small park near my house.

As I got off the bus I saw the perfect spot to chill for a bit before I would have to go back home 'after school'. As I walked towards the tree a saw the guy from the bus walking on the sidewalk in front of the park…

_I have to talk to him… _

'Why?'

_Because… he could-he could be my friend right?_

'No, stop bullshitting me, why do you want to talk to him…'

_I don't know but I need an excuse…_

'No, no you don't, don't you dare go talk to him-'

Before my conscience could finish reprimanding me for impulsive acting I had already thrown my bag near the tree and started walking towards him.

Before I could stop myself I was already behind him and tapping his shoulder, he calmly turned around and said "Hey…"

"Hi… umm… sorry to bother you, I just saw you and… I'm assuming you're skipping school as well?" I managed to get out looking at the floor and rubbing the back of my neck. "Uh… yeah… for a first day it was kind of overwhelming…" he chuckled, _you don't have to say that twice, _"Yeah I know what you mean…" I couldn't resist his eyes so I recurred to looking at my feet again.

_Dammit! Any other great ideas? Nope?… Jesus! What the hell is my excuse for being here?_

'Told you it was a bad idea, but NOOOO you couldn't just listen to me…'

_Shut the fuck up! What do I talk to him about?_

My mind was completely blank as I tried to figure of something to talk to him about, I wasn't ready to leave yet but it was getting extremely uncomfortable, "Hey, was there like something you needed maybe?" I heard him say softly, _Shit! what do I tell him now? Think! Think dammit! I give up, _"No, not really… sorry I bothered you… I-I should… be going now…" I sighed pointing to the tree behind me.

I started making a beeline towards my spot before I said something stupid, when I heard him call me "Hey!" as soon as I turned, completely shocked he continued "What's your name?" he asked biting his lip, _God! He was sexy _I was smirking and looking at the floor, _he wants to talk to me_-_wait, what the fuck? _I was extremely confused yet I found myself smiling at him and nearing him while I answered his question "Gerard… Gerard Way... you?" I had my hand extended to shake his, a part of me was craving his touch, craving the electricity, and part of me was terrified of feeling it… and it didn't disappoint, the moment our hands touched a bolt run through my body making tremble, fear and excitement mixed together, I was so out of it that I barely heard him say "Frank"

_Frank? That was pretty… pretty? What the fuck is wrong with me today? _

"Frank?" _Frank what? _

"Uh, yeah… Frank… Frank Iero…?" I chuckled at that, it sounded like a question, he seemed so nervous, "Well, nice to meet you Frank Iero"

"Wha-what…?" he said with a look so confused it was adorable, I smiled back and repeated slowly "I said, nice to meet you Frank Iero" he smiled back "Nice to meet you too Gerard"…

I was reluctant to let go of his hand but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, for all I know he could be a homophobe, not that it mattered cause I wasn't gay, but he could misinterpret it. I was brought back from my internal struggle when I heard an amazing sound, a soft laughter, I looked up to see Frank still holding my hand and pointing with his left behind me, laughing "A dog is stealing your shit, thought you should know" he said between chuckles, it took me a second to process what he was telling me, I could feel the realisation hit me as I turned on my feet to see a German Sheppard munching on my bag shaking his head and spilling all contents onto the grass. "Shit! Shoo! Go away!" I screamed as I run towards the dog praying it wouldn't suddenly bolt with my shit still on its mouth. As I neared him, he began to jump from side to side playing, I was angry as fuck, I was so not playing with this dog "Give. Me. My. Shit. Back!" I said with every step I took towards the devil's spawn until I jumped-or tried to at least-on top of him, of course landing on the ground frustrated as fuck and empty handed.

"FUUUUUUUUCK!" I screamed frustrated at the grass with my head buried on the ground. I heard Frank's laughter again and turned to glare at him, only to see him crouching by the demonic dog patting him on the stomach smiling at me and showing me my destroyed bag on his other hand chuckling… _Okay this is officially NOT funny… _his laughter increased when he saw my face, he was actually ROFLing! "You do realise how UN-funny this situation is right?" I said glaring at him, his only response being gasps between giggles. I stood up and marched to where he was rolling on the floor, stomping to scare the beast that was wagging his tail next to him, I snatched my bag from his grasp and I almost cried when I saw the damage. My bag, my beautiful messenger bag that took me forever to paint and draw had been mutilated! It was just a pile of unrecognizable shreds of black and coloured fabric, all the drawings lost in little pieces of drooled cloth. I swear I had to sniff to stop myself from crying, _all my hard work…lost…_

"Hey, you okay?" I heard as I felt a hand on my shoulder, I looked up and saw in his eyes real concern, "I'm sorry for laughing… I-I thought it was just a bag… I didn't realise…" I noticed how worried he was, he knew he'd screwed up, but it wasn't his fault, it _was_ just a bag after all… it was the meaning that I was mourning for… "Hey, no, don't worry is just that it bums me that all the artwork is lost, that's all…" I said looking down back at the remains of my little friend, I saw a hand reach out to pick it, and I handed it to Frank "Hey, you had some nice things here… I think…" he said turning over and over the bag and tilting his head, I couldn't help but laugh at that.

He smiled at me and I had to smile back, "Hey why don't we go buy a new one? I mean if you want to?" he said with an exited look on his face, my smile widened at the idea, and something tells me it has more to do about the company than the actual act. I looked down cause I could feel the blush creeping on me and I didn't want him to see that, I mean only girls are supposed to blush. As I looked at the floor my eye caught sight of a piece of paper, suddenly realisation hit me, as I snapped my head up and frantically looked around, seeing all my books scattered everywhere and my notebooks opened and ripped, torn papers everywhere. I sighed in resignation, I saw Frank take a look around and wince at the view, but he immediately bent down and began picking the papers and books, I followed him suit picking my pens and notebooks, "Hey, you don't have to do this you know?" I told him, _first I interrupt his walk and now he's picking shit for me, it isn't fair…_ "Hey, don't worry, my pleasure" he said with a dazzling smile, I shook my head to clear it and continue picking the rest of my stuff.

"Fuck, now what?" I asked as I watched my arms full of books and Frank's full of papers. "Hmm… maybe I could carry them for you? In my bag? Until we buy you a new one!" he said beaming at me, I couldn't help but smiling back at him "Thanks, hey, why are you so nice to me?" all the while we were picking my stuff up we talked and got to know each other a bit, that still didn't make us friends, for him to be so helpful and kind to me, yet I felt so close to him already. "We're friends right? That's what friends do for each other… plus I like you… you-um you're a pretty cool guy…" he chuckled blushing furiously looking at the floor, then he looked up still a bit pink and extended his arms to receive the books I was holding. After he put everything in his bag, which now looked unbelievably full and heavy, he extended his hand towards me "C'mon now, lets go get you a new bag before my back breaks" he said laughing and took my hand dragging me back to the bus stop. All I thought about while being dragged was Frank' hand in mine, and the fact I was spending the whole afternoon alone with him, on his own free will. He looked back at me and his reassuring smile mirrored mine, _maybe I kinda do like this guy…_

**A/N: Okay so I hope you liked it? Any feedback? I just wrote this in half an hour, give me some credit… I have MAJOR writer's block right now so I'm doin my best, I'll begin the next chapter now… and if I finish it I'll post it today or tomorrow… if I'm taking it slow is because I want to get the first moments when they meet and realise they like each other right.. I don't want to rush things… so please review! Tell me how I'm doing! Constructive criticism and all that :D love ya!**


	5. Some things you just can't avoid

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: chapter number five! Okay so I hope you like it! Please review… otherwise I'm thinking of dropping this fic…(its not a threat lol) if no one's reading there's not much of a point right? Sorry its really short and crappy but I just started college and I've been exhausted! But I really wanted to update! :D Well I leave you to it :)**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 5**

**Some things you just can't avoid (FPOV)**

_Today was amazing!_ I was laying in my bed trying to sleep but failing miserably as my mind wouldn't stop racing. Today had been such a great day, I had learned so much about Gerard, like that he's from New York and they left because his parents had split, also that the boy from the bus was his little brother-Mikey-and that he had a girlfriend back in New York, which is why they chose Jersey.

He was such a sweet guy too, you could tell he was very genuine and reserved, but once you got him talking he was very interesting. After we found him a bag he liked we decided to grab some lunch cause we had both skipped lunch and were starving…

_It was my fifth shot of tequila, and though I'm not a lightweight, after four rum and cokes and three beers, the fifth shot was the last shot… everything was very blurry and only some images registered fully in my mind. People were dancing to 'Just Dance' from Lady Gaga, and at some point I think the song said something about taking your shirt off or tuning it inside out or something, cause I remember seeing people topless and undressing others. "C'mooooon! Take it oooofff!" someone slurred at me, and I remember complying taking my t-shirt off and throwing it on the floor with the rest… _

_Somehow I was stumbling into a bedroom, someone shoving me, then hugging me from behind, I turned around and it was very dark, they kissed me and suddenly I was on a bed making out with someone. My mind was very fuzzy but my body was on a mission. The kiss was itchy and I realise the person had a short beard, suddenly I remember who I was with before I ended up in this room, the person who asked me to take my top off… _

_Jake…_

_He was my best friend, had been for over a year now… after realisation hit me that not only was I making out with my best friend, but that said friend was actually a guy, my mind froze for a second, I pulled apart panting, but the second I locked eyes with him I kissed him again…_

My eyes snapped open, slightly blinded by the sunlight streaming through the blinds, I was sweating… and I had a fucking boner… _awesome…_

As it was too early for the bus and I was already set for school I decided to walk there… plus it would be good to clear my mind after last night's dream. I didn't realise when I fell asleep, or why my train of thought went to the events of last summer, but I guess that's the thing about dreams… you can't really control them. Still it was weird, I haven't really thought about that since last year, when we stopped being friends. The thing is, the morning after that party I woke up next to him, with my pants still on, _thank Buda_, and when he woke up and he tried to kiss me again I pulled away. It happened that he wasn't really drunk the night before, so he knew exactly what he was doing unlike me, so while I took it as a drunk mistake he took it as our relation being moved to another level, which I didn't want, so I started pulling away and eventually we lost touch and our friendship ended. I was very sad cause he was my only close friend, and since I've been alone, until I met Lizzie…

I arrived at school and realise most people were there, _guess I walk really slow,_ as I approached the front doors I caught a glimpse of black hair sitting under a nearby tree, he was drawing on a notebook and I could see many coloured pencils sprawled on the grass around him, he seemed really focused and I felt the urge to join him, the sole idea making the ants in my stomach go wild. I was about to walk to him when I saw Lindsay walking in my direction; all tingly feelings and hopes lost the second she smiled at me.

This was so wrong, I was getting so confused, a million thoughts running through my mind, a millions feelings stirring in my heart, and my body frozen in place. I looked from my girlfriend to my new friend back and forth, the second he dared look up and lock eyes with me was the second my body reacted, I just turned around and bolted to the school building, leaving a very shocked Lindsay and a rather confused Gerard on the parking lot.

Friday rolled around in no time and I had managed to avoid both Gerard and Lindsay the entire week, I walked everyday to and from school and left my phone off since Tuesday, my only words to Lindsay been a very quick 'lost my charger, have to buy a new one' while she yelled for explanations as I passed her in the hallway not looking at her in the eyes.

I really needed to talk to her, our relationship was not what it was a week ago, and I can't keep hiding from her, she needs to know its not her fault, that I'm just going through a weird phase. It's not fair to do this to her, and as I turned on my phone for the first time in four days I saw the countless miscalls, voicemails and texts… only one calling my attention…

_You okay? Haven't seen you since Tuesday… :/ -Gerard_

I have to talk to him as well… this isn't his fault either… plus I kinda miss him, which is weird if you consider I've known him for a week… still, I kinda do, and apparently the ants on my stomach did too.

I was locking my front door when I felt someone behind me, as I turned around I couldn't help but be a bit disappointed, and slightly scared. There stood a very pissed off looking Lindsay. "You are going to talk. Now. No running away or escaping, and the walk to school is a good half an hour away, so start explaining." She said, arms crossed, frown in place, angry stare piercing me.

"I don't know what you want me to say…" I said looking at the floor. I knew exactly what she wanted me to talk about, and I don't know why I'm avoiding it, I mean I was planning on doing it anyways, I guess it was the ambush factor that was rendering me silent.

"How about the fact that you've been avoiding me the past week? The fact you literally run away when you see me in the halls? Or the fact that your lazy ass has all of the sudden decided it wanted to walk to and from school?" she said indignant. "Why do you care if I walk to school? You don't take the bus, so it doesn't affect you…" I tried to defend myself while subtly changing the topic and avoiding the real question. "First of all because that means you just so happen to conveniently arrive two seconds before the bell rings, which means I don't get to talk to you, and second of all that is beyond the point! Why the fuck are you acting so weird lately? Did something happen? Did I-did I do something wrong…?" she was screaming, but towards the end I heard her voice crack, I couldn't stand it if I make her cry. I just hugged her, my only reaction whenever she cried. She sobbed softly on my shirt while I patted her hair.

Suddenly she shoved me and took a couple steps back, took a deep breath and sniffed her tears away shaking her head. She looked me right in the eyes, it was hard to hold her stare but I thought I owed her as much, "It's not the same is it…" she stated rather that asked, "I know that during the summer things changed, I felt it, but I thought… once we… once we got back to school, and saw each other on a daily basis, things would go back to normal…" she whispered looking at the floor…

_during the summer? Was I that unattached that I didn't realise our relationship had been going wrong for so long? I thought it was something so recent… then again our relation never took the normal course relations are suppose to take… maybe this was coming on a long time ago…_

"I don't know what to tell you… I'm just really confused right now… it's not fair for you…" I didn't know what to say… I knew I had to talk to her about this, but I guess I never actually thought of what I would say… I stopped walking to look at her, she was holding back the tears, but I guess she saw the sadness and confusion on my face cause she took a deep breath to steady herself. "So this is it? Are we… over…?" she barely got out burning a hole on the sidewalk, "I'm so sorry… its just that… its just that its not fair for you that I act this way… and I'm… I'm sorry…" she nodded, took a step towards me and hugged me, shocked I hugged her back and felt the tears fall down my face, I hugged her tightly and let go before I crumbled in front of her. She looked at my face, smiled, wiped the tears away and kissed me one last time before making her way to the school building. As she walked away I saw her shoulders shaking and felt the pain of making her cry, but also I felt a sense of relief… for some reason being confused made me feel like cheating, so now there was a sense of freedom to think and ponder and consider all the things I felt.

I took a deep breath and marched to the school, _today is going to be a rough day…_ I sighed as I walked just in time for first period. And as predicted the whole day was spent avoiding angry stares from the many friends of my now ex girlfriend. When lunchtime rolled around, though I was starving, one look at the table I usually sit at was enough to make me wanna skip. So I headed to the music room since it was the next class, maybe I could practice the guitar for a while and distract my mind.

As I entered the class I saw the one person that I was hoping to see all day and hadn't run into yet. He was sitting on the floor with a notebook on his lap drawing away, the usual mess around him, his hair all over his face, yet he didn't seem to mind. I smiled at the view and closed the door behind me. As soon as it clicked he looked up, and a smile formed on his face, though I could barely see it through the streaks of hair, it was there and it was very sweet. "You reappeared…"

"Yeah you could say that…" I chuckled and went to seat in front of him.

**A/N: OKAY! Sorry if it sucks! I just started college and I've been super stressed! But I really wanted to update so I hope its at least decent :) and I'll post the next one asap! Please! R&R! :D love you!**


	6. Redemption

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: OKAY so here we go again, sorry if it took a lot, but college has been kicking my ass, so yeah… hope you like were this is heading, and lets make some progress shall we?**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 6**

**Redemption (GPOV)**

On Tuesday I had arrived really early to school because Mikey had to talk to a couple of teachers before he could take off for the day to see his girlfriend on New York. My mum had let him only if he came back on Wednesday in time for dinner and if he left everything settled at school, so he had to talk to a couple of teachers to explain his absence for the day and the next, and to settle all homework and test issues, the nerd.

Since I had about forty minutes until first period I decided to just sit and chill for a bit before everyone else arrived. I was so exited and expectant to see Frank today, yesterday had been so amazing, he was very patient going into every single store I looked remotely interested in until we found a perfect bag, I couldn't wait until I could design a new artwork for this one. I guess a new school, new home, new friends meant a new bag as well, and I was happy with that now. We had lunch since we had both skipped, and talked for hours until we had to be back home. He had been so nice, he even walked me home so I wouldn't have to carry all my stuff in my arms all the way home. I was starting to deal with the idea that maybe I liked him more than just a friend, but the thought was reluctant and it lingered constantly in my mind. The fact that I could be thinking of another guy that way was scary, specially if he was my only friend and I could loose him by feeling the way I did, plus I couldn't afford to ruin my reputation here as well, which is why I hadn't plan on talking to anyone, much less making friends… friends I felt weirdly about.

I suddenly felt inspired, so I took my sketchpad out and my pencil case throwing coloured sticks until I found the one I wanted. I began drawing and writing thoughts and annotations on the sides, I was so into it I never noticed how the parking lot was now packed, I only diverted my eyes from the now filled paper to find out what was that burning sensation I felt, like when you are being stared. And sure enough as soon as I looked up I saw Frank standing near the front door looking my way, he had a very torn expression and all I wanted was to hug the anguish away from his pretty face, but I didn't have a second to process the situation, cause he just bolted, all of the sudden he was power walking away straight to the school building. I was perplexed at the situation, I notice the blonde girl from the cafeteria and the physics lab, which I had learned was his girlfriend, Lizzie I think her name was? Was standing a couple feet away from where Frank had been seconds ago, she had a shocked look on her face and I saw a tear run down her cheek. She glared my way and I looked away, picking my stuff up from the grass. When I went to pick my sketchpad I saw the drawing of a profile of a boy with a scorpion tattoo on his neck, he was beautiful, but it didn't compare to reality. I smiled and closed it before putting it away and making my way to class.

As I sat in Spanish thinking of anything but what the fuck a transitive verb is, my mind started racing, my smile leaving my face… _he ran away… when he saw me… he… he ran away… _he had looked like he was in a very complicated situation, but I saw it, in his eyes… when they locked he made a decision… he ran… so he had decided to stay away from me…

_Hold on… you're probably just jumping to conclusions… just breath and when you see him later on the day you'll see nothing has changed, you're just being paranoid…_

I managed to take a somewhat reassuring breath and convince myself that it was all paranoia and that he wasn't in fact running away from me, cause that would mean I did something wrong, and I hadn't… had I? Had he realized I liked him? Was I that obvious? _I_ wasn't even sure if I liked him… how could he have noticed?

_Just calm the fuck down! Wait until you see him and then draw a sensible conclusion… don't rush into thinking the worse… you've seen enough movies to know that the moment someone misinterprets a certain situation it all goes to shit…_

I was brought out of my self chastise by the ring of the bell signifying end of period, I picked my stuff and walked out of the room as fast as I could without looking mental, as soon as I was out I walked slowly to my locker looking around, peering to see if I caught a glimpse of the only person who could calm me in this moment. When I reached my locker utterly frustrated at my futile attempt of casually "running into him" my mind was still freaking out, only slightly less under the restraining whip of my conscience. I decided to be bold and just go to his locker and hope he's there, I mean there's nothing weird in searching your new friend to say thank you for going shopping with you and carrying your stuff right? Nope, nothing wrong or weird… _unless he knew your real intentions… _but he doesn't… so nothing weird.

After waiting for what seemed like forever by his locker I gave up and went to class, maybe he _was_ avoiding me…

A brilliant idea popped into my mind as I sat on the bus waiting for everyone else… Mikey wasn't here, so I'd be sitting alone… and Frank usually sits alone… or at least that's what I think… so if he sees me sitting alone he should come up and sit with me right? That's what friends do… and if he doesn't maybe I can… just approach him and sit with him… he shouldn't have any issues with that… right?

As I sat there alone and excitedly waiting, I pushed all insecurities aside with every person that got on the bus that wasn't the boy I hoped and longed to see. But as more and more people got in and none was the one expected my hope faltered… and as the last person got in and the bus began moving the paranoid in me won… _he isn't taking the bus… he's definitely avoiding me now… _

As realization hit me that I had done something wrong to push him away so suddenly, my old plan kicked into motion without me noticing. I had lost my only friend… from the beginning he's the only reason I talked to anyone in this place, and if I didn't have him anymore then there was no real point in breaking my original plan… spend the next two years under the radar and then get the fuck out of this city asap!

The whole week went by smoothly, Mikey had ask to stay the week in New York so he wasn't coming home until Sunday, so the house was pretty quiet. And at school I tried and stayed in classrooms or I would walk to some lone tree and sit under it and just think, write or draw as the mood see fit. Though my mood hadn't changed much all week, I was sad, depressed almost, but my mind wouldn't let me, so it was a repressed, unacknowledged sadness… which left me in an automatic mode. I just moved from place to place, listened to classes and did work as asked, but I wasn't really there. Apparently I had memorized the schedule at some point cause my body always knew where to go next, no hesitation, even if my mind wasn't sure… and it never failed.

I caught myself heading to the music room, so I assumed that's what I had next, but I realized everyone was migrating to the cafeteria which meant it was lunch time… _guess I can draw for a bit until the bell rings?_ I wasn't hungry anyways, I never had lunch… the cafeteria sort of scared me… it's just too many over exited, starving and screaming people with sharp, pointy objects… not a good combination…

As I sat on the floor of the music room I looked around and wished I could play something, I was hopeless when it came to musical instruments, I could barely sing… and I did that very bad… yet music seems like such a cathartic way of expression… and it looks like genuine fun… if I were more talented I would definitely play something… but I wasn't, so with a sigh I limited myself to taking my sketchpad out and giving it a shot. Since I had been operating on autopilot I hadn't been able to draw… not really… I guess without emotion and passion there is no art… makes sense…

I was doodling the outline of the word _Hallo_ on a hand's knuckles when I heard the door click shut, I hadn't even hear it open, and as soon as my eyes fell on the intruder my body reacted, a smile appeared on my lips and it was like my heart had grabbed a club and knocked out my conscience cause it was letting himself feel and pound in my chest in pure joy of seeing the face he had missed so much… it made me realize just how much I cared about him… without thinking my heart spoke… "You reappeared…"

He was smiling too and he chuckled at my remark, "Yeah you could say that…" he then came closer and sat in front of me, my heart was pounding and I couldn't stop looking into his gorgeous green eyes, I felt myself blush and looked down to conceal it only to make it worse when I realised I had the sketchpad on my lap, where he could easily see it. As I "subtly" tried to turn the pad over I saw his hand reach over and grab it, my whole body froze and I was too embarrassed to look at him, so I stayed still hoping that maybe some of the Jurassic Park rules applied and if I stayed still enough we wouldn't be able to see me and he would walk away.

Alas! Its fucking fiction, he grabbed the pad but didn't move it, sort of like asking if it was okay, I guess he took my lack of movement as approval, finally retrieving the damn thing and looking at it closely. Maybe I was really bad at drawing and he wouldn't be able to figure out what the hell it was…?

No such luck, as I dared to lift my gaze I saw him holding the pad with one hand closely to his eyes, his right hand fisted and close to his face for his inspection… a smile growing into a smirk on his face… after minutes of silence I couldn't take it anymore, if he was going to run away or mock me it would be better if he did it already… "Sorry…" was the pathetic whisper that left my lips. He lifted his gaze and it was too intense for me to hold, so I resorted to look at my hands that were squishing each other in between my legs.

I heard rustling and felt him come closer, but before I could look up I felt his lips make contact with my cheek. I gasped and looked up to see his eyes only inches away from mine, a smile playing on his lips, the electricity on the air was intoxicating and the tingly feeling on my cheek made it feel like it was on fire, the fact that I was probably blushing uncontrollably wasn't helping matters. My mind was fuzzy and I couldn't think straight, _Ha! No kidding…_ I hate my conscience… even she makes fun of me and my confused sexuality… "So where have you been the past week?" my fucking conscience blurted before I could stop her… but it came out choked and barely audible so I hoped he hadn't heard that... A fact possible had he not been less than ten inches from my face still, breathing heavily, making my mind even foggier… in the back of my head I registered the ring of the bell, not really caring at the moment…"I…" just then a group of five people entered the room making Frank sit back quickly on the floor, snapping us back to reality, leaving me unanswered… I was staring at the small group taking seats and looking back at us with strange looks on their faces, but I felt Frank staring at me, not moving his eyes from my face, I saw him move and looked back to see him picking my stuff up and shoving them in my new bag, I was perplexed not knowing what to do, he stood up and extended a hand towards me, I took it unthinkingly and stood up next to him, still dazed, not reacting. He led the way to a couple chairs in the back and sat in one of them motioning for me to take the other one. He threw his bag on the floor and carefully put mine on my desk in front of me, he looked inside for the sketchpad and a pencil he'd thrown in…

_**I've been thinking**_

He scribbled down on a random page on the pad. He probably noticed my lack of movement and confused face cause he added

_**This past week? I've been thinking…**_

That made more sense… he was answering me… it made me smile, like he wasn't avoiding the subject, he wasn't running away…

**What about?**

I scribbled back and handed the pad to him.

_**A lot of things… life… had some decisions to make.**_

**And how did that go?**

I heard him chuckle at that and then sigh as he answered…

_**Well, **__**I made the decisions**___he scratched what he had written and started over _**the decisions got made… I'm working out the rest… :)**_

His answer confused me a bit, but it made me smile, cause it meant he had thought and made decisions and still chose to hang out with me, which meant I hadn't done anything wrong, and we were still friends… I smiled at him and nodded, his answering smile bright and happy making my stomach flip. I reached and grabbed his hand squeezing it reassuringly, his smile grew even bigger matching mine, and when I heard a cough in the front of the room I dropped it disappointed sighing, I heard him sigh as well and took comfort in that… at least he didn't take that the wrong way…

I think its time to finally admit to myself that I like Frank… I really like him… and not just as friends… even if that's all I have to settle for.

**A/N: hopefully that was okay? I was a bit distracted but dying to upload so hopefully its at least satisfying? :D LOVE YA! I'll try and update asap!**


	7. Passion and Art

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: Chapter seven people! I wanna dedicate this to my loyal readers, I can't thank you enough for the reviews, they made me cry and they inspired me so much! In fact instead of reading Plato for philosophy I'm writing this, that's how inspired I am… so again THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU! And I hope you like this :D Lets do this! :D**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 7**

**There's no passion without art and there's no art without passion (FPOV)**

The bell rang just in time and everyone seemed to flee in seconds leaving Gerard and me alone sitting in the back. I automatically got up and walked towards the guitar section of the classroom, going straight for my favourite one, a deep green Aria Pro… it wasn't precisely a "good" guitar… but it was the best one here, and I had played it since I was in fourth grade, so it was like my baby.

I grabbed it and stroked the smooth material, plucking a couple strings on the way. I began playing without even realising it; only fully noticing when the music made me smile, it was a new melody… I hadn't written anything in forever, and it was never any good anyways… this was. It was happy, but dark… I loved it.

I opened my eyes to see Gerard standing in front of me, a look of admiration and awe in his beautiful features. I can't believe I kissed him, on the cheek, granted, but still I had been so close. It's just that when I saw his drawing, something in me clicked. It was like I was drunk, my mind got fuzzy and a million emotions cursed my body. _He had been thinking about me… even when I had ignored him for a week… _and the drawing was so beautiful! So precise in every detail, I couldn't help but compare it to my hand, and it was so exact, I don't think I would have been able to do such an amazing work, and I see my hand every day… he must have seen it what, two times? Yet it was perfect.

In that moment I just had the urge to hug him or something, but the second I saw his pale face tinged with red hiding behind a curtain of black, I thought it was the most beautiful sight ever, and I just went for it, I followed the urge to just kiss him, only in the last second taking a detour for his cheek. I didn't want to freak him out and have him run away from me.

I really like him, I'm sure of this now, there was no denying it, and I want him. But I've never felt like this before and I don't know how exactly I'm supposed to act now. At least I think Gerard must feel something for me, I mean he was thinking of me… or at least about my hand. But how do I know if he feels _that_ way or if he's maybe just being friendly? I have to find out… soon… cause the impulse I had today, I have a feeling is only starting… the craving for him is turning unbearable, his scent alone is maddening and the touch was electrifying and now the feeling of my lips on his skin was absolutely addicting, I can't even imagine how it would feel to actually kiss him, and feel his lips on mine.

I was brought back from my thoughts by the most beautiful sound; I opened my eyes to see Gerard, eyes closed, hands in his pockets, swaying from side to side, humming… I was absolutely frozen by the image, and I couldn't resist it anymore.

I leant forward and kissed his cheek again, it was just too tempting and he was too fucking adorable. For a second I panicked wondering if he would freak out, maybe he didn't feel the same way and would see that as a rather random and way too friendly act, but before I could completely freak out I saw Gerard smile, he kept his eyes closed and continue humming happily, but with the sweetest smile etched on his lips. I was only inches away from his face and I could feel his breath on my lips, desperate to able to just kiss him, but I haven't earned that right… yet… but I'm determined to, I have to be able to kiss him whenever I feel like it, whenever I'd like to, which is always… having the freedom to be able to act upon that impulse would mean sheer happiness, and I'm set on being happy.

I saw him take a deep breath a lazily open his eyes, "You know, we can leave early today… the gym teacher is sick…" he said, the smile still on his lips, still only ten inches away from mine.

"Really? Hadn't heard…" I said with a smirk, I liked where this was heading, cause even if he doesn't ask me to do something with him, I will.

"Yep… you know, I was planning on painting my room today… my brother was supposed to help me, but he's off in New York with his girlfriend for the week and he won't be back till Sunday… I wanted to do it today so it could dry and air over the weekend… but now… alone…?" he said in the most adorable tone looking at the floor and shuffling his feet… he was so cute when he was shy… and he was biting his lips… _Christ! Those lips!_

I knew where this was going and I loved it! The prospect of being the whole afternoon with him was incredible… I don't mind what the hell we're doing as long as I'm doing it with him…

"Hey, do you need help with that? I'm no Michael Angelo, but I should be able to manage to paint a room pretty decently…"

He laughed at that and nodded with a smile on his face "Yeah, I was going to ask you if you had nothing better to do… it should be way more fun to be stuck in a room filled with fumes with someone else…" he said blushing.

_Stuck in a room… alone… with him… all afternoon… yeah, I definitely don't have anything better to do…_

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

As we got to Gerard's house he suddenly turned around "Hey, I'm just going to apologize in advance for the mess in my house… we only moved in like two weeks ago and there's still boxes everywhere… so yeah…" he chuckled and I did too passing by him going straight for the door, "Don't worry, my house is always a mess… I'm used to it…" I smiled at him as I waited for him on the doorstep.

He came closer and opened the door for me, as I got in I took in my surroundings, I could see the living room and there actually were boxes everywhere, also the kitchen floor was filled with wrapping paper scattered everywhere, I laughed and looked back to see Gerard blushing, I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him so he would know I didn't mind.

"Mum!... mum are you home?" he screamed to no one in particular, "MUM!" he shrugged and headed to the kitchen so I followed him stepping over the pieces of plastic. He was standing in front of the fridge holding a piece of paper in his hands. He turned around waving the note; "She went to New York… some divorce crap… she says she's coming back on Sunday with Mikey… and that there's dinner in the oven…"

My brain actually shut down for a microsecond… _he has the whole house to himself… for the whole weekend… HOLY FUCKING SHIT! this… THIS would be the precise moment where him being my boyfriend would be EXTREMELY convenient…_

I think I felt my eye actually twitching, but managed to compose myself hen I saw Gerard looking at me like I had a second head, "Oh really? Well that sucks… I mean the whole 'being alone' thing…" _Are you kidding me? This doesn't suck, this is fucking awesome!_

"Well….umm… maybe… uh… would you like… to um…maybe stay here tonight? I'm really kinda scared of being left alone in this house… I haven't gotten used to it yet…" he was biting his lip so hard I could have sworn I saw blood, but that was the least of my worries… he was asking me to stay here… to spend the night… _this is going so much better that I expected! _He must feel something for me… unless its just a friendly gesture… maybe he is in fact scared… well I guess we have the rest of the night to figure that out now don't we…

"Yeah of course! It should be fun…" I smirked at him and relished on his blush. He composed himself and walked to the oven, "Hey you wanna eat something? I'm starving!" he smiled up at me as he leaned to check what was inside it, but it took me a second to recover from the view of his ass bent over, "Umm… wha-what?... oh, yeah sure… I skipped lunch… yeah, starving…" I stammered, he laughed at that and took out of the oven a tray of lasagne, I cringed, but I didn't mean for him to see that, "What's wrong? Hatin' the Italian?" he chuckled, "Umm… no… its just that… I'm a vegetarian…" I said hesitantly, I didn't mean to make trouble, but I was starving and there is no way I could eat that without puking… "Hah! Don't worry it's a veggie lasagne… it has only tomatoes… no meat" he smiled triumphantly at me. I couldn't help but grin back at him, "Really?" I was shocked, I know Gerard's family is half Italian; much like mine, so to have a veggie lasagne just because isn't exactly common "Yeah! My brother went through a phase a couple years ago and I sort of adopted it… he dropped it the second he smelled a burger… I sort of liked it… plus I felt like I was doing something good without much effort… so yep, I'm a vegetarian too." His smile was blinding.

I'm in fucking heaven… could he be in any way more perfect? "Awesome! So lets eat some!" he laughed and put the tray back in the over turning it on.

After eating what was probably the best lasagne of my life, and if you're wondering, yes, of course he was the one that made it… that perfect little fucker… we went upstairs to begin painting his room so we could be done before sundown.

The second I got in his room I was surprised to see that everything was in boxes in the centre of the room, surrounding a bed with only a couple covers thrown on top of it, no sheets, and nothing unpacked, how did he sleep at night? Or even get dressed? "Hey, you really meant it when you said everything was still packed…" I chuckled as I took a look around, "Yeah, I just didn't want to unpack and then have everything splattered with paint… so I just postponed it until I painted… which is today… so hopefully by Monday I have an actual room." He smiled back at me. "Well then lets get to it!" I smiled back.

He went downstairs and came back with two paint cans… "What colour are we painting your room?" I asked him as he neared me with paintbrushes "Red and black" he answered as he handed me one, "Wow… that's so cool… how are we going to do it?" "Well, I was thinking I could paint this wall black while you paint that one red? The other two I'll leave them white…" He said pointing to the wall behind him and then to the one where the door was behind me, "Yeah okay, that's sounds cool…" I smiled at him and went and took the can with the red label, winking as I took it from his hand and turning around to head to the wall I was supposed to paint. I managed to see him blush before I turned around and heard him clear his throat before walking away to his corner. I chuckled at that and proceeded to open the can and begin my work.

After about two hours of silent painting listening to some awesome music, because of course he just had to have an incredible taste in music, I was exhausted… but I was finishing, so I decided to finish the last corner before I rested for a bit.

About half an hour later I was finally done, and I couldn't be happier, it looked great and I knew Gerard would love it. I proudly turned to see how he was doing and saw him standing just a few feet behind me staring at me, his wall flawlessly painted, his arms crossed still with his brush in hand. "Were you staring at me this whole time?" I asked him in mock horror, he just smirked and shrugged one shoulder, _was he serious? He could not be cuter… or sexier right now…_

I approached him slowly, I could feel my evil smile growing on my face as his turned scared, when I was close enough I lifted my hand and slapped him softly with the paintbrush leaving half of his shocked face a bright red. He stood there gaping at me, while I laughed my ass of at his stunned expression. I could barely breathe when I felt the cold liquid hit my face, I opened my eyes and touched my cheek just to see my hand smeared in black, "Oh its on!" I yelled and swung my hand splashing his shirt and face with red, "Bring it!" he laughed and ran back to dip his brush in more paint, I did the same, but before I could turn around he attacked, I felt my back and hair wet and cold, I turned to see him laughing and took my chance to splash him, we continued fighting, running, jumping over boxes, and splashing and slapping each other with paint until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Practically every inch of his body was covered in red with little spots of black, his hair dripping and sticking on his face and pointing in every direction, as I looked down I realised I looked pretty much the same only with the colours reversed. A brilliant idea popped into my head, "Hey… I call truce…" I said panting as I raised my hands, he smiled and nodded, "Yeah, okay… truce…" he said out of breath, as he looked down to catch his breath I ran to him and hugged/tackled him to the bed, we fell and as soon as we landed he said in between chuckles "What was that for? I thought we had a truce goin' on?"

Thinking of anything besides the fact of having Gerard underneath me, his body pressed to mine, was proving to be impossible, so I rolled off of him and lay next to him on his bed, "We did… but I wanted some red on my clothes, too much black… plus you looked like a little tomato…" I chuckled looking at him in the eyes, even under all that paint, his stare managed to melt me, he broke the stare to look down at his clothes, "Well now we look alike…" he smiled and looked back at me, I looked down at my clothes and then at his, now we both looked like a messed up Rorschach test, "Yeah… we are walking psychological tests…" he laughed and closed his eyes sighing… _What more can I ask for? I have Gerard in bed, eyes closed, only a couple inches away… _I could feel his arm next to mine and his thigh grazing mine, _Oh yeah, I know… ask for the chance to actually take advantage of this situation…!_

Suddenly I realised something, "Umm… Gerard?" I said as I sat up, he turned his head and looked up to me, "Umm… we sort of forgot about something…" I said nervously, he looked confused, "What…?" "Umm… take a look around…" I said slowly, chewing on my lip ring. He sat up and I saw as his eyes widened in shock, I was freaking out, the whole room was splattered in red and black spots, the carpet, the walls, even the ceiling had colour splashes everywhere, and it was my fault… I had started the fight… we had worked hours to paint his room and I ruined it in a matter of minutes… "I'm so sor-" I was about to apologize for messing his room up when I saw his smile… he stood up and walked around his room in awe, a childish grin plastered on his face, "Its awesome!" he whispered to no one in particular, I stood up relaxed now that I hadn't fucked up his room and walked up to him looking around… the room actually looked pretty cool, it was like a Pollock painting, but darker… more rock… less pop… awesome!

"It looks pretty amazing…" I said as I neared him, I guess he was in some sort of trance cause the second he heard my voice his head whipped in my direction and his grin grew even wider, I smiled back and before I realised, he was hugging me, I hugged him back obviously, and expected his amazing scent, but he smelled like paint, that's when I remembered the mess we were. "We should shower don't you think?" I chuckled as I pulled away, he was blushing and looking at the floor, "Yeah, you're right… and… thanks… I love my room…" "Hey no prob… I thought I had ruined it with our little fight… guess it worked out…" I smiled at him, "Little?" he said looking at his clothes and at mine and then at the rest of the room with a raised eyebrow, "Yeah okay… maybe not so little… but you started it!" I defended myself, "How in the hell did I start it? You slapped me in the face with a fucking paintbrush! It was pure self-defence!" he chuckled incredulous, "Yeah? Well… you were staring at me!" I saw him blush and realise I had caught him, I laughed at his cute face and cut him some slack, "Okay, why don't you show me the way to the bathroom? I feel all sticky and dirty…" his blush only got worse and I realised how dirty what I just said sounded, it was nice to know I had the power to get that reaction from him, it meant he must feel something for me besides just a friendship… or at least that's what I'd like to think… so I'll stick with that version. "Um… yeah… uh, sure… this way…" he stuttered looking at the floor while he walked out of the room.

I followed him and fixed the shower as he got out and told me he would shower downstairs in the guest bathroom. As I assessed the damage done in the mirror I realised just how much of mess I was, my hair was black, hard and pointing in every direction. I laughed, took a picture with my phone, which unfortunately had gotten a little paint on the back, and got in the shower. The hot water felt amazing against my skin, but as I looked down I saw just how much of a mess I was leaving… the whole tub was black, the wall and the curtain too. I scrubbed myself clean and then proceeded to clean the tub, when I was done I saw a bottle of shampoo, I opened the cap to smell it, it smelled a bit like Gerard but it was missing something… I decided to use it, considering my hair was a mess, and it would mean I would smell like him. As I washed my hair and the scent wafted through the bathroom I thought of Gerard and how cute he was, not only cute, but down right hot… and I got to spend all night with him… if only it could be the way I want to spend it…

Not a second later I could feel the blood rushing downwards… _fuck! Why do you have to be so fucking hot!_ As I thought of the way he smelled and the way his touch made me feel I began to slowly stroke myself, the images of his ass popping in my head, the way my lips felt on his skin, and the smile they produced, my breathing got faster and more haggard, the strokes becoming faster and harder, one last image of him underneath me on the bed, how easy it would have been to just lean in and kiss him… feel his lips on mine, hear him moan… say my name… my breathing stopped and I clenched my jaw to keep quiet.

As soon as my breathing had gone back to normal I stepped out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror, I was flushed so I splashed my face with cold water and tightened the towel around my waist, _shit! I have no clothes… ah fuck it, I'll just ask Gerard for some borrowed… plus this gives me the excuse to walk in front of him wet and semi naked… I just want to see him blush once more…_

As I entered Gerard room I froze in the doorway, eyes wide, mouth gaping, mind blank… Gerard was standing in front of his bed, his back to me, in just his boxers… his hair wet, water dripping down his back, he bent over and grabbed a pair of jeans, the view of his ass absolutely amazing, the jeans were tight and because his legs were wet he had trouble putting them on… he shook his ass in an attempt to make them go up… and something was going up alright… it just wasn't his pants. I shook my head to clear it and hopefully prevent the impeding boner. I took a large breath because apparently I had been holding it since I stepped in, and it called his attention making him turn around just as he buttoned his jeans and zipped them up, my view immediately drifting. "Hey…um… you wanna….wanna borrow something to wear…?" he stuttered as he walked to a box near him. I snapped out of my little fantasy world and somehow managed to answer coherently… kinda… "Uh…sure…yeah…tha-thanks…"

He came back with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, _hmm… guess I'm going commando… _he stood in front of me and I could only stare at this one lucky drop of water that fell from his hair into his chest and rolled lower and lower until it disappeared on the top of his jeans… his particular scent was back and it was so fresh… _hmm… why do you have to be standing shirtless and wet in front of me, smelling like that, while I stand here in just a towel? _To avoid any further embarrassment I just took the clothes and went back to the bathroom before my boner could show through the towel.

When I got back, finally dressed and calm, I saw Gerard taking out the covers from his bed… they were smeared in black and red paint, "Oh… sorry about that…" I said sheepishly… if only I had been able to control myself and not tackle him to the bed… _mmm… tackle him to bed… sounds inviting… NO! This is what happened before and now he has to wash everything… bad hormones! Bad! "_Nah, don't worry about it… I had fun… it was worth it…" he winked at me as he passed me to go down stairs… _well hello Mr. confidence… hadn't see you there… _I like it when he is all confident… makes him even sexier if possible…

I followed him downstairs and into the laundry room, "Hey do you mind sleeping in the living room? My room stinks and that way we can watch TV or something…" he suggested as he loaded the washing machine, "Yeah! Sounds fun… we could watch some movies!" the idea of laying on a couch watching movies with Gerard was amazing! I'm so exited! "Okay then, lets set the couch shall we?" he chirped turning around and heading to the living room, "We're sleeping on the couch?" I was confused, there's no way we can both sleep there comfortably… not unless he was like on top of me… which I wouldn't complain about or underneath… I'm not picky… "Yeah… it's a sofa bed… so its big enough for the both of us… do you mind?... I could always bring down my mattress…" he said pointing upstairs… _okay, I just found the best plan B in history! I was actually going to sleep with him! No kidding! Okay… act cool… not too eager…_ "Yeah, no, its cool, I don't mind…" he smiled at me and proceeded to take the cushions off the couch, I walked up to him and helped him pull out the bed and then I threw the cushions back to use as pillows.

I sat in the middle of the bed, legs crossed and stared at him… "So what now?" I smiled up at his gorgeous face staring at me. "Veggie pizza?" he excitedly suggested, "And horror movies" I replied with a grin… he nodded enthusiastically, and pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket and dialled, I padded the spot next to me, he climbed on the bed and sat in front of me smiling, I couldn't help but smile back. As I stared into his beautiful hazel eyes I could see myself falling for him, and I couldn't help myself, I leaned in and managed to contain myself enough to just kiss him on the cheek, as I pulled back I saw his eyes were closed and the smile intact on his lips… such beautiful lips…

"Yes hello, I would like to order a pizza…" He opened his eyes and kept them on me, this was definitely going to be a good night…

**A/N: okay… this is the longest chapter ever! I just wanna say thank you again! And that I've had a really rough couple of days, so if its not too good bare with me… I did the best I could considering my mood… hope you liked it! And I'll see you in a couple of days hopefully! :) bye!**


	8. Zombie sleepover

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N****: okay, so I hope you liked the last chapter and I would like to ask for your help, I feel like this story is turning worse by the word… so I would like to know what you guys think and if there's something you don't like, or would change, etc… thanks! I would really appreciate the comments! :) btw… HAPPY BDAY GEE! **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 8**

**Zombie Sleepover (GPOV)**

After our "little fight" as Frank had put it he had tackled me to the bed, it was probably the hottest thing ever, and I actually had to close my eyes to focus on something else besides his body pressed on top of mine and his lips inches away, his breath on my face.

And as we sat on the couch he had kissed me again… it made my whole body tingle, and my mind buzz, it raised such an impulse to kiss him that again, I had to close my eyes just to restrain myself. It was the third time this day, and I was loving the fact that he felt so comfortable with me, and I myself was getting pretty comfortable with him, and his lips on me too…

The best part is that I now believe he really does feel something special about me, I mean I've never really had any friends, but I'm pretty sure they don't act like this… but is it possible for him to feel something for me if he's straight? And… I mean what am I thinking? He has a girlfriend… I shouldn't be thinking of him like this… he's just my friend… a very straight and taken friend at that… but did you see his body? He was just standing there, wet and just in a freaking towel! He wasn't perfect, he was actually kinda scrawny and very pale… and I loved it! And his tattoos… oh my god his tattoos! He looked so amazing; he was like a moving work of art. I've always wanted to get one, but I'm too terrified of needles and I just haven't found something worth putting myself through that for.

As I took my cell phone out I couldn't help but smile at the scene of Frank on a bed in front of me, beckoning me to sit next to him. I couldn't believe I had the guts to ask him to stay, let alone sleep on the same bed, but if things work out maybe this night could turn interesting… _No! Forget about it! He is straight and he has a girlfriend… plus you've known the guy for barely over a week… it wouldn't be right… _yeah I know… still it has been a pretty amazing day already… we have made such progress, if only I had the guts and the restrain to kiss him on the cheek as well, show him I felt the same way… _but you don't… so don't fuck this up… remember… just friends… _anyway I have a hard enough time admitting to myself I'm gay, let alone act upon it… and yeah I know, I know… it wouldn't be right anyways… so it's a moot point. Though my instincts are starting to take over and I have the slight feeling that controlling myself is only going to get harder from now on… specially if he keeps acting like he is…

As I sat in front of Frank and waited for the pizza place to pick up I found myself staring into his eyes, they hypnotized me, they were filled with an emotion I have never seen before. They were sparkling and so focused I felt like they were piercing me. I saw him coming closer and my breath got caught in my throat, his intense green eyes getting closer and closer and I was frozen in place, he was just a few inches away when he diverted his face to the right, my eyes snapped shut and I inhaled for what felt like the first time in hours as I felt his lips make contact with my skin… I felt his breath linger for a while and then it was gone… a sigh escaped me while in the back of my mind I could hear a voice echoing… 'Hello? Hello…?' _fuck! The phone! _ "Hello, I would like to order a pizza?..."

We must have been the whole half an hour staring at each other, cause I was snapped out of my green-eyed trance by the doorbell. "Pizza's here…" he said smiling, not breaking the stare, "I know…" I smiled back, and at the second, more persistent ring I sighed resigned and looked away to grab the money that was next to me, Frank chuckled and stood up as well walking towards the TV. "There's a box there full of DVD's… choose the one you like" I told him as he neared a giant box labelled 'movies'.

I opened the door and saw a very impatient looking guy holding out stuff, I just paid him off and took our food. Going to the kitchen to grab some plates and glasses I heard noise coming from the TV and assumed Frank had found something good to watch. As I walked back into the living room I almost dropped everything, he was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, absolutely hypnotized by it. There was playing a home video, to be precise a home video of me twelve years ago.

I put the tray on the makeshift bed and walked to where Frank was sitting, "Why did you put this on?" I asked him as I watched a four year old me dressed up as a zombie hugging a pumpkin, yelling at my dad, who was holding a knife, not to harm it…

_Honey I just want to carve it so it's smiling like the others…_

_No! You'll hurt it! Knifes hurt! See? That one is scared! Get away! Get away! Get away!_

_Gerard! Come back here…_

_NOOOOOOOOOO! RUN! I'LL SAVE YOU!_

Frank was laughing so hard at the sight of me running around with a pumpkin so big it was almost my size, and my dad walking behind me trying to stop me, he fell back and tears were coming out of his eyes… I couldn't help but laugh too, I was so tiny, I can't believe I could actually hold the damn pumpkin up, let alone run with it without falli- nope, there it is… I was now on the floor crying next to a smashed pumpkin…

_NOOO! I killed it! Daddy I killed it!_

"No….! your face is all smeared…" Frank said looking up at me still giggling, and it certainly was… my face was all smudged with green paint running down my cheeks… "Okay enough with the trip down memory lane…" I said chuckling as I walked to the VCR to pull the tape out, just when I was a couple steps from the TV Frank jumped and grabbed onto my leg, "No! please! You're so cute! Let me finish it!" he pleaded with his gorgeous puppy eyes, they were melting me and as I was going to resign I looked at the TV and saw my mum taking my shirt off and telling me she was going to have to hose me cause there's no way I was going into the house and staining everything with green paint, my eyes widened as I saw her taking my pants and I try and make a ran for it and turn the VCR off before something incredibly embarrassing happed. Frank noticed and held on so tight I couldn't move without falling to the floor, he was laughing so hard, and I was panicking cause I knew what was coming and I so did not want Frank seeing me naked… not a four year old me anyways, "Frank let go! Please come on! Let. Go!" I screamed as I tried to pry him off my leg, "NEVER!" he laughed as he looked at the screen, I decided that if I couldn't turn the damn thing off then at least I would stop Frank from seeing it. I stood in front of the TV trying my best to cover as much as possible, while Frank tugged on my leg and yelled for me to move. I looked back at the TV and saw that the worse part was over and that now I was covered in a towel, being hugged by my mum, while my dad cleaned up the orange mess on the floor, and I sniffled on my mum's shoulder.

Realising the danger was over I moved, and fell to the floor where I sat next to Frank who had finally let go of me, "Aww… you made me miss the best part!" he pouted at me, I just laughed "Yeah, well it wasn't exactly a coincidence…" he laughed and looked back at the screen, it was my mum leaving me on the floor in my PJ's next to Mikey… "Is that Mikey?" I could tell he was holding back the laughter "Yeah…" I chuckled "Is he… is he dressed up as a…?" I laughed so hard "Yup… he's a unicorn…" Frank couldn't stop laughing and it was quite contagious, plus the scene of Mikey only two years old, dressed up, as a pretty, fluffy white unicorn was pretty hilarious especially if you add me to the scene gnawing on his horn while Mikey tries to push me away…

The video ended and I told Frank to pick a movie, that didn't have me in it, so we could watch later, he chose 'Dawn of the dead' and left it on the DVD for later and we sat on the bed to eat our, now cold, pizza.

We talked for about three hours about everything and anything… and I felt myself falling for him more with each of his answers… he was just so perfect in every way, and I felt so comfortable around him, I didn't ever feel this comfortable with Lizzie… maybe its because he's a guy… I don't know… I just feel at home around him… but I had to keep in mind he had a girlfriend, which makes him straight… so every time I fawned over him I just had to remind myself of that…

"Oh, so hey, how's Lindsey doing?" it's better if I deal with it once and for all, he hasn't mention her all day, but its bound to happen and its better if I bring the subject up right? That way he'll know he can trust me and talk to me about anything… so with my heart sunken and brazing for the worse I listened…

"Oh….um…" his face turned serious and he looked down, "I'm sorry if I'm intruding… I just thought it was okay to ask?" shit! I'd screw it! Why, no idea… but clearly he was upset, he was laughing two seconds ago, "No…yeah of course its okay to ask… it's just… I guess I forgot to tell you… we sort of… broke up…" he kept his eyes on the bed and I was glad cause he didn't see my shocked face, _they broke up? What? When? Why?... so… he's single now? Yeah… but still straight… damn!_ "What? When?" the question couldn't help but escape me, "Today…?" he answered as he peered me through his lashes, he looked so broken, but for some reason I don't think it had to do with her… I just wanted to hug him… "Why…? Are you okay?" I was lying back on the bed and he was lying on the feet of the bed, but I sat up automatically trying to reach for him, I put my hand on his wrist wanting to take his hand but knowing fully how inappropriate it would be, I rubbed my thumb on his inner wrist trying to comfort him and take the sadness from his beautiful features.

He looked down at my hand and a small smile appeared on his face making me smile in return, he sighed and looked back up at me, "Yeah I'm okay… thanks… and it was sort of mutual… but I was planning on doing it anyways…" he smiled at me, "Oh… but why? I thought you were happy?" I was confused, if I wasn't mistaken they had been together for like two years, or at least that's what I think… and they didn't seem to have any trouble… "Yeah well things changed…" he said shrugging his shoulders, that didn't explain anything… why would he change his mind in a week? The first time I saw them together they were so happy, and now they broke up? It didn't make any sense… and why hadn't he brought it up? "But I… just… don't get it…" "There's someone else okay!" he almost screamed, I was frozen in place, my hand fell from his and lay on my side unmoving, I couldn't think… _there's someone else…no… but… who… _"Oh…" was all I could utter… he was looking at his now alone wrist with sadness, he looked up and regret was all over his face, "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to yell at you…" he sat up and scooted closer to me, he put one hand on my cheek and I had to look at him, his eyes were filled with remorse, "I really am sorry… it isn't your fault… I just… exploded… sorry, I shouldn't have taken it out on you… forgive me?" he said with a small smile, he seemed so repentant and for something so small as snapping at someone, I smiled and nodded, his smile grew bigger and he then kissed me on the cheek "Thank you".

"Now do you want to see some undead munch on people while they try to re-kill them?" he said excitedly, I laughed at him and nodded again, "Why did you pick that movie?" I asked him as he got up to get the remotes for the TV and the DVD, "Don't know… its one of my favourites… but it was mainly seeing your cute little ass dressed as one defending a giant pumpkin… that sold it for me" he said with a wink as he walked back to bed. Was he flirting with me? Or was he like naturally super cute? He laughed and I realised I was probably blushing profusely as my face was burning up… he couldn't be flirting could he? _He __was__ single_… but he said there was someone else… _but it could be me right? _Not likely considering he's straight…

He sat next to me and I dimmed the lights as he pressed the play button and managed the settings. After the movie was playing we got comfortable and I got in the bed cause I was freezing, Frank wasn't so he stayed on top of the covers.

The movie was so good, and though I had seen it like three times before it never failed to entertain me; we were about halfway through the movie when Frank started giggling, at looked at him wondering what the hell was so funny about the movie, he looked at me and between giggles managed to say "Stop it!" okaaaaaay? Now I'm seriously confused, "Stop what exactly?" I asked him, suddenly his eyes opened so much I thought they were going to fall out of his face, his whole expression frozen, he looked at my arms that were now on my lap, and then down to his arm closest to me, he jumped like three feet on the air screaming and flinging his arms around screaming "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF ME!" I jumped up surprised, "What? What do I do?" he was standing on the bed hitting his arms trying desperately to shake something off, I stood up in front of him and grabbed his upper arms and held him still to the best of my capacity, "Frank! Calm down! Tell me what's wrong!" his head kept whipping around looking in all directions, I raised one hand and just like he had a while back I put it on his cheek, then I placed the other on his neck forcing him to look at me, he looked into my eyes, a frantic look still in his, "It's okay… I'm here… tell me, what's wrong?" he took a deep breath and nodded, I nodded back and rubbed my thumb soothingly on his cheek, he smiled and blushed, then tore his eyes and stared at the bed underneath us, "C'mon Frank, you can tell me… what's wrong?" I tilted my head to try and look at him in the eyes, he sighed again and mumbled something unintelligible, "Okay… now I know I have good hearing… but I'm no superman, do you think you could enunciate for me?" he chuckled once and lifted his eyes, "I…. I had… a spider on my arm…" he was blushing intensely and kept diverting his eyes as not to have to look at me… a spider? That was it? I though we needed an exorcist for a moment there!

"That's it?... a spider?" I started to laugh so hard I fell back on the bed, when I opened my eyes Frank was standing still scowling at me, "I'm…I'm so….sorry….." I managed to say between gasps, he just chuckled and dropped to the bed sitting next to me, "It's not funny okay? I'm terrified of those things…" he said with a smile, I nodded "Yeah I know what you mean, I'm terrified of needles… the good thing is that hardly ever a needle creeps up your arm while your watching TV…" he laughed at that, but then began looking around him with a slightly scared expression… "You want me to find it and kill it?" I asked him, his head snapped in my direction beaming, I just chuckled and got up to find a spider that was probably the size of a rice grain and that got catapulted to mars… as I looked around I actually found the damn spider… or at least I found _a _spider, I told Frank I had found it he just curled up into a ball and nodded and I stepped on it, officially reducing it to a tiny stain on the floor…

"See? Its gone! No more scary spider" I told him smiling at the small ball that was Frank, he looked adorable… and he's usually such a tough guy… hmm… who would have known? It all just made me care for him more and more…

I got in the bed and grabbed the remote to rewind the movie to the part where we had stopped watching, I felt Frank's eyes on me, I looked at him and he was indeed staring… "What's wrong?" I asked him, but he didn't answer, he just got in the bed and sat really close to me staring ahead to the TV, I just chuckled and pressed play snuggling next to him, I heard him sigh and relax.

**A/N: yay! I hope you liked it, I would appreciate the reviews to see if I'm doing right or if I'm fucking up the story… :) sorry it took me long… I'll try and not take this long again… but I have a really shit week I have lots to read, so I'll do my best! Love you guys!**


	9. Break up tears and absence

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: HEY! Hope you like the last chapter, I know I had fun writing it… specially picturing a tiny gee chewing on a even tinier Mikey horn :) anyways… I just wanted to let you know that your reviews inspire me, so the more the faster I'll write :D**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 9**

**Break up tears and absence (FPOV)**

As I woke up I noticed how comfortable and snug I was, I realized there was a warm body underneath me, my head was on his chest and my arm was hugging his torso, his calm breathing and rhythmical heartbeat was soothing. As I regained consciousness, flashbacks of the night before came to mind. Watching Gerard when he was just a kid was so adorable! He was such a cute kid, and he had the same messy black hair he had now, I was mesmerized by it. And after that we had talked for so long, it seemed like ages had passed, yet I could have sworn it was just a couple seconds; time with him always seemed to fly by. But then he had to ask about Lynz, it wasn't his fault it's just that the whole subject was annoying to me, and he was so sweet, he was just being polite, and I mean I was the one who hadn't told him about my break up.

He looked so confused when I told him, and all I wanted to do was scream, _IT'S YOU! I LIKE __YOU__! THAT'S WHY I BROKE UP, CAUSE YOU MESSED UP MY MIND AND NOW ALL I WANT IS YOU! _But I couldn't, not without freaking him out, and I just snapped. There was so much I wanted to say and all I was able to was that there was someone else… he looked so broken, I just wanted to kiss him and confess he was the one… but I had to settle with asking for forgiveness. I hated that he was sad, and it broke my heart to know I was the one who caused it.

Luckily everything got back to normal as we watched the movie, he was smiling again, and we were laughing at the stupid ass zombies. Everything was going alright until I felt him caressing my arm so lightly it was tickling, but the moment he told me he didn't know what I was talking about and I saw his arms on his lap I realized the most likely, horrifying possibility, there was something crawling on my arm. I didn't even think about what was happening, I just needed to get the fucking creepy crawly off of me, I was freaking out, and I could hear Gerard screaming something at me, but I couldn't understand what he was saying, I felt him grab onto my arms and try to keep me in place, but I still needed to know if the damn spider was still on me or if it had fallen and maybe was at my feet or something worse. I felt Gerard's hand place softly but firmly on my cheek and the other on the side of my neck, holding my head in place, forcing me to look at him, I looked into his beautiful eyes and heard his calming words… he was there for me… he really was… I took a deep calming breath, I felt his thumb reassuringly stroking my cheek and realised the stupidity of the whole situation.

He asked for explanations and I figured if I told him fast enough maybe he wouldn't understand but would settle, of course he didn't… and as soon as I told him he started laughing… like literally ROFLing… I glared at him the best I could without laughing along with him and his cute laughter. He apologized and I just sat next to him, I told him I was terrified of spiders and he confessed he was terrified of needles, but that luckily _'hardly ever a needle creeps up your arm while your watching TV'…_ that reminded me that there was still a fucking spider on the loose and it could attack any minute now, I started to freak out again, when he asked if I wanted him to find it and kill it, that must have been the cutest thing anyone has ever said to me… ever… he chuckled at my reaction and got up to find it… I knew there was a small chance he would actually find it, but I had hope… he looked around for about five minutes when he said he had found it, I looked in the direction he was pointing, saw it, shuddered and curled up on the bed, hoping it wouldn't like go rouge and crawl to the bed and attack me, it may seem like an over reaction, but trust me it could happen. After he had stepped on it he came back to the bed and got in. I had a serious impulse to hug the living shit out of him, he had been so freaking sweet and understanding… all I wanted was to just lay next to him and snuggle with him… plus I was still kind of freaking out about the whole spider thing…

He caught me staring and asked me if something was wrong, _he seriously could not be any more perfect…_ I just jumped into bed, the closest possible to him without freaking him out, I heard him chuckle and scoot closer, making me relax finally. I guess I never noticed I fell asleep, or how… all I know is that waking up next to him is unbeatable. I finally opened my eyes and saw his sleeping face beautiful and relaxed just a couple inches away from me. Smiling with the memories of last night I tried my best not to move an inch so he wouldn't wake up and I'd be forced to pull away and act like nothing had happened.

I felt his arm wrap around me tighter and held me closer to his body while a smile spread across his face. I couldn't help myself and I hugged him tighter as well, I felt his other hand move and froze in case he was waking up, but relaxed the moment I felt his hand take mine, both our hands resting on his side. The moment his hand touched mine we both sighed.

I was positively in heaven; I put my head back on his chest taking a deep breath inhaling his intoxicating scent with my nose pressed to his shirt, then sighed and closed my eyes deciding that everything could wait a little longer, as long as I could hear his heartbeat and feel his thumb lazily stroking my hand.

I was about to fall back asleep to the rhythmical breathing of Gerard when a rustling noise brought me back to consciousness. I felt Gerard stir under me and decided it would be better if I moved from his side in case he woke up. As I tried reluctantly to move I felt Gerard hold me even tighter causing my heart to skip a beat and a smile to form on my face, but just as I was about to give up and lay back down someone stormed inside the house and run upstairs I jumped up and so did Gerard, all contact lost in the surprise.

We looked at each other, both with confusion in our faces, "Was that Mikey?" I asked him, "I think so…" He answered not sure, "But wasn't he supposed to be in New York with your mum till tomorrow?" I mean that's why we were so relaxed, if I'd known they were coming home today, there's no way I would have been so cozy with Gerard, if we hadn't woken up imagine what it would've looked like! Just then whom I assumed was Gerard's mum walked in the living room, luckily with the scare we were now sitting rather far apart.

"Hi sweetie… oh! Hi there…" she said looking at Gerard and then looking at me, "Hi mum… this is Frank… my friend" he said bushing and smiling my way. "Oh hi Frank" she said smiling and politely shaking my hand, "Hi mam" I smiled back. "Mum, what happened? I thought you were supposed to come back tomorrow afternoon? And was Mikey crying?" Gerard asked concerned. "Yeah, we were… the thing is sweetie… Alicia broke up with him… so we came back earlier…" she said in a low voice and with a sad expression on her face, "Oh my god! Is he okay?" Gerard said very concerned standing up, "No… not really, he hasn't stopped crying… I'm getting really concerned…" she said looking up the stairs and sighing before going into the kitchen, "Talk to you later boys okay? I'll go make lunch…" her voice was void of emotions, you could tell this past days had taken a toll on her…

I was still sitting there, not knowing what to do, I wanted to be there for Gerard, but I had a feeling he needed to be there for his brother even more, so it would be best to just step out of the way. "Hey Gerard? I think it would be best if I left? So you can go be with your brother..." I told him getting up from the bed; he turned around and looked at me with a small but honest smile, he walked up to me and hugged me tight, I hugged him back, he pulled away looked me in the eyes then kissed me lightly on the cheek and smiled "Thanks… I just have to know if he's okay…" "It's alright… I understand… see you on Monday okay?" I told him as I picked my bag and walked to the door with a smile on my face and reluctance on my heart. "Definitely…" he smiled… I could tell it was a sad smile too… and ironically it made me happy… to see he didn't want to say goodbye either… but I understood he needed to be with his brother now… plus I'd see him in a couple days anyways.

The weekend went by surprisingly fast and it was already Monday morning, which meant that in only a couple hours I would get to see Gerard again. As I walked excitedly to school I thought of being in bed next to Gerard, all snugly and stuff… it was amazing, so simple yet so filling… the moment could have only been improved if he had known what was happening…

As I walked into register I realised Gerard hadn't arrived yet… and I was almost late, which was weird cause I know he takes the bus, and the other people from the bus were already here, early, as usual. I found that weird… he did say he was coming… I guess he fell asleep, or maybe missed the bus… anyways I'm sure he'll arrive at some point.

Lunchtime rolled around and there was still no sign of Gerard anywhere… I decided to be subtle and ask someone if they had seen Mikey, that way I could ask him where Gerard was. I ran into one of Mikey's friends, I knew this because I always saw him hanging out with her, and stopped her, "Hey, you know Mikey Way right?" she looked at me with a weird face at first, probably because I had never talked to her before, or maybe she was just a bitch, I don't know, but she recovered immediately and nodded her head, "Great, do you know where I can find him?" I asked as politely as I could, for some reason she gave me a bad vibe… and I wanted to get far from her, fast. "Oh… he didn't come in today… I haven't seen him since Tuesday morning to be honest… I think he's in New York visiting his _girlfriend_…" she said the last part with clenched teeth… but that wasn't the part that stuck with me… "Oh… okay, well thanks… bye!" I left as fast as my feet allowed me, and as I walked outside I couldn't help but wonder where the fuck were the Way brothers…

Mikey's friend seemed to think he was still in New York, when he was back in Jersey since Saturday noon… and why were both missing? Had something happened?

**Hi :) Y didn't u come to school? Is everything okay? –F**

I texted him, and wondered if maybe I was being to pushy… but I was honestly concerned… I sat under the tree I was used to see Gerard under… probably naively expecting he would show up…

But he never did… I went back to class and in one last attempt of reaching him I called him, but his cell phone was off.

Tuesday came and went and still, no sign of Gerard… or Mikey for that matter.

Same with Wednesday…

Same with Thursday…

By Friday I decided to text him again… he hadn't given any signs of life whatsoever and I was starting to get worried… I had tried calling him yesterday, but his cell phone was still off…

**Hey r u alright? Y haven't u come to school? –F**

Was he maybe avoiding me? _Well isn't that far fetched_… yeah you're right I mean not only he was missing, but his brother too… and I don't think they would both avoid me… maybe they were sick? _But why was his cell phone off then?_ I was really starting to freak out… I couldn't think of a reason for Gerard and Mikey to be both missing… but then again I did the same to him last week… but its not like I disappeared, I just avoided him… so it was possible he was avoiding me… damn! I'm so frustrated now…

Maybe… maybe they moved… that was reasonable… _no, no it isn't… you're just being paranoid… relax… stop by his house this afternoon… if he's sick then you say you were worried that's it… if he's not, then you'll get to see what's really happening… _

After school was over I walked to Gerard's house, it took me a while to get there, after all he had lead the way last time… after I got lost two times I finally made it. The car was missing, but that could just mean Gerard's mum was at work… so no need to panic yet… I walked up the few steps to his porch and knocked on the door. I knocked for about five minutes when I turned to the doorbell. I think I stood there about fifteen minutes before realising no one was going to answer, I tried calling Gerard's phone again but it was still dead. I gave up and started walking home… as I got out of the porch I tripped over something, and realised that there were about five or six newspapers scattered on the entrance… how did I missed that before? So that means that no one's been home since… Saturday? Sunday? But how could that be? I picked them up and checked the dates… the oldest one from Sunday… so Saturday night or Sunday dawn…? But how… why didn't Gerard told me they were going somewhere? Panic started crawling onto me… where the fuck where they?

**A/N: woooh! Cliff-hanger! Sorry! But this story needed a little suspense… don't worry it wont be anything weird, cuz I hate it when stories become incredible, its like: people that shit just doesn't happen in real life!... so yeah don't worry… I'll try my best not to take long, keep in mind I study English lit, so I have to write and read a whole fucking lot… but this is a priority of mine :) so I shouldn't take more than 10 days at a time… k, love you guys! REVIEW!**


	10. Voiceless

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**A/N: okay sorry if its short, it's just the way it is, I really wanted to put this up, and I'm already working on the next chapter :) love you! hope you like it!**

**Chapter 10**

**Voiceless (GPOV)**

As I closed the door and watch him leave I felt my heart give a little squeeze, last night had been so perfect, we'd had so much fun, and had gotten so much closer to each other. I saw my mum on the kitchen getting lunch ready, she smiled sadly at me and I smiled back pointing upstairs, she nodded and I made my way to Mikey's room.

I can't believe it's almost two in the afternoon, we had slept late… well he had, I had awoken about an hour before my mum got home. At first I was shocked, I could feel someone laying on my side, a head on my chest, an arm hugging me. As I opened my eyes I saw a mat of black hair on my chest, and my smile grew wider. I closed my eyes and just remembered the day before and thought about the day we had ahead. I could feel his head move at times, and wondered how he would react if he woke up and we were laying like this, maybe he would freak out, maybe I should move, but that would mean waking him up, and this moment was just too perfect.

He was restless and kept moving and I just wanted to sooth him, so I hugged him closer and took his hand rubbing it softly. It was perfect until Mikey bursted in… _Mikey…_

I was snapped back to reality just as I reached his door. I tried knocking, but he wouldn't answer. Loud music was streaming through the door, so it was possible he couldn't hear me, so I kept trying while I called for him, each time louder, without having to scream.

After a couple minutes he still wouldn't answer and I was getting worried, no 'go away', no 'leave me alone', nothing… "Mikey! Open up!" I tried one last time with no result, _that's it, I've had it, I'm coming in… _"Mikey, I'm gonna break down the door if you don't open up NOW!" _nothing…_ "Mikey you have till I count to three, 1… 2…" I was getting extremely nervous so I wasn't waiting no more, "3!" I yelled as I tackled open the door…

The second I walked in I knew something was wrong, Mikey wasn't there then it hit me… the smell… I felt my knees go numb as realization hit me… my eyes were blurry as I ran through the small room, I saw his feet peering on the other side of his bed and stumbled over. There he was, laying, unmoving on the floor, an empty bottle of pills next to him, blood pouring from his arms, a knife peeking from under the bed.

I crumbled next to him, my knees getting wet with the blood, I tried to scream but it came out a choked whimper "mum…" I whispered, I touched his face, he was still warm, not normal warm, but not cold either… I tried to check for a pulse, but it was like my hands weren't strong enough to cause the softest pressure, they felt numb, just like my whole body did. "Mum…" I managed to say a bit louder, but I was still drowned by the music. I saw Mikey grow pale and more languid as more blood left his body… a tear fell from my face and suddenly I was screaming to all my capacity, I wasn't even saying anything, just noise, I just needed for help to come…

My mum ran in a couple seconds later but I couldn't stop myself from whaling, she stood there, frozen, looking at her youngest child laying lifeless on the floor. I couldn't move either but I needed for her to do something, I stared at her, she wasn't blinking, "DO SOMETHING!" I yelled at her between gasps, she blinked once, a tear falling from her eye, and ran out. I was freaking out, I didn't know what I was going to do if my mum didn't react, I couldn't move and didn't have my cell phone with me, I wasn't even sure I could speak… I couldn't think straight, all that was on my mind was that Mikey couldn't die, he couldn't just stop existing…

I was sobbing grabbing onto Mikey's wrists, thinking as long as I can feel him he's still there… still him… still… alive…

Suddenly I could hear my sobs; suddenly everything was quiet, too quiet… A pair of strong hands grabbed my arms and tried to lift me, I realised the room was full of people, none that I recognized, they were all talking, yelling and running around, but it all seemed to be in slow motion, all noises drowned.

I couldn't… I just couldn't let go of him… I couldn't…

Everything was spiralling, my sight was blurry and I felt all the strength leave my body… I was alone… sitting… covered in blood in my little brother's room… alone…

Someone came in, he waved a hand in front of my face, but I couldn't pry my eyes from the pool of blood underneath me. He crouched and asked me something, but I couldn't understand him… a part of me knew I should be paying attention, these were the men that had taken Mikey away… and part of me knew that that meant he could tell me if he was okay… or that he wasn't… and I couldn't face that.

"BOY!" he shook my shoulders, I realised I couldn't avoid this much longer so I tore my eyes from the floor and looked at the man in the eyes. He had olive skin and kind eyes, but he had a serious expression on, and that scared me, he seemed too concerned to be baring good news.

"Are you okay?" he said slowly and clearly, still grabbing onto my shoulders, I could only nod, so I did. He nodded back "Are you listening to what I'm saying? Can you understand me?" he kept talking to me like I was slow, but I was only grateful cause my brain was still fuzzy, so I nodded back while my whole body trembled out of control, he smiled, "Okay then… listen I'm Carl okay? I'm a paramedic and I stayed behind to check on you…" I could only keep nodding and try to understand what he was telling me, which suddenly seemed like another language I was only barely familiar with… "Your brother has been taken to the hospital, so has your mother… you want me to take you there?" again, all I could do was nod, it was like my voice had been lost completely in that one last scream… he nodded back and helped me up, after a second I crumbled completely to the floor, so he called for another paramedic and they took me to an ambulance downstairs.

The whole ride I was in a sort of trance, I couldn't quite focus my eyes, and my sight was still blurry, but that maybe because tears kept streaming down my face, the little I managed to actually hear I couldn't comprehend what I was being told, I still hadn't found my voice despite the fact I had a million questions, the most important one being how was my brother, and my movement range was severely limited, my whole body was sore, numb and violently shaking at the same time…

As soon as we arrived to the hospital they took me to my mum's room, on the way there they told me something along the lines of my mother being in a state of shock and having a mental breakdown, so she was admitted along with Mikey. I wasn't really listening but part of me knew this was relevant information and I guess it stored it somewhere in my subconscious…

I saw my mum laying on a bed "sleeping" she had a tube sticking out from her hand and someone told me they had to sedate her, so there was a chance she would be unresponsive for the next couple hours. Somehow still with her on a gurney in front of me all drugged up, she wasn't my priority, I guess it's because I already knew she was alright, and because I never knew she had been bad in the first place. I needed to know how Mikey was but my voice was still nowhere to be found… I tried to talk but all that came out where whimpers, I guess I still got my message across cause the nurse approached me, she had a worried look on her face, and two plus two was starting to add up on my mind… my mum had had to be sedated… she had a mental breakdown… there was a good chance Mikey wasn't exactly 'Okay'…

My heart sped up and my breathing got haggard, no tears were coming out of my eyes, but I felt like I was crying, sobs rocked my body while my breathing got more shallow and fast by the second, the nurse walked faster to me and asked me something, but all I could hear was the blood rushing through my ears, my sight was even more hazy, the edges darkening… I felt like I was about to throw up… then it all went black.

I woke up in a gurney, a tube sticking out of my hand, _needles… _a shiver went down my spine,there was a beep and it was getting faster and more annoying, a nurse ran in and asked what was wrong, I could only look at the macabre instrument and pant. She told me she couldn't take it out, that I had been in shock and that I had fainted… _fainted, sounds so girly… couldn't she say pass out?_ My eyes widened and my heart didn't slow down, after a couple of minutes of silent war with her she agreed to take them out which made me freak out again… _fucking needles…_

I wanted to know why I couldn't talk, and I wanted- no needed to know how the fuck Mikey was… but how can I ask her if I can't speak? I tried whimpering to see if I could catch her attention, and amazingly it worked, "Honey, you're still in shock… it happens sometimes, people loose their voice, but don't worry as soon as you fully calm down the effect should wear off…" she said smiling, but how could I 'fully calm down' if I didn't know how my brother was? I kept whimpering cause it seemed to work with her… women are fucking psychics…

"You want to know about your mother? Cause she's just…." She said in a hopeful tone but I was shaking my head violently; I knew mum was fine I just needed to fucking know how my brother was! why could no one just tell me! I mean… I could think of one reason, but I refuse to accept that as the truth until I actually hear someone say it…

"Oh… you want to know about your…." That tone couldn't be good… I nodded softly scared of the answer… "Well why don't you wait here until I bring the head doctor okay?" she smiled, but I could tell it was fake… nurses should act better, like they should take a class on how to make their patients eat their bullshit, cause she wasn't convincing anyone and it was scaring me… I couldn't believe so much time has passed and I still don't even know if my little brother is alive or dea- no I can't say it…

As fresh tears began to silently make their way down my face a doctor walked in my room, I looked up at him and saw his face; he was old… and a better liar than the nurse… it was hard to see the regret and sadness beneath his façade, but they were there… and they told me more than I wanted to know… the truth I had been avoiding all day… I felt my stomach clench as he neared the bed… "Hello, I'm Dr. Wolff… I'm here to talk to you about your bother…"

**A/N: OKAY DON'T HATE ME! Sorry for the cliffhanger! I swear I'll update soon, sorry it was so short I just really wanted to end it there :D next chapter will be in GPOV again… please review!**


	11. Healing is a long process

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: HI! We're back… hope you liked the last chapter and enjoy this one… Frankie should be back soon, I swear, I just thought this was necessary :) HEY GUYS! BTW I NEED A BETA! SO IF ANY OF YOU AMAZING PEOPLE IS A BETA, AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME? INBOX ME :D THANKS LOVE YA!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 11**

**Healing is a long process (GPOV)**

"Hello, I'm Dr. Wolff… I'm here to talk to you about your bother…" I felt the bile rise on my throat as he stood in front of my bed, his face was serious and he cleared his throat, "Michael came here with very low chances of survival, he had lost a lot of blood and we had to do a stomach pump and give him a couple transfusions." _I swear to god if the next words out of his mouth aren't 'your brother is alive and well' I'm going to throw up in his face and then jump out the fucking window_. "But luckily he seems to be recovering just fine, and should be out by tomorrow."

I couldn't move, _he's fine? He-he's alive? HE'S ALIVE! OH MY GOD MIKEY IS ALIVE! Wait, tomorrow? _ "Tomorrow? So soon?" I was confused, I was under the impression that with suicide cases people were supposed to stay under vigilance for like a week or so. "Yes, Dr. Way said she was going to take care of the recovery on her own, she said she wanted to get Michael out of here as soon as possible." He smiled, _Mum? Well it makes sense, she's an amazing psychiatrist, but I thought she was hospitalized too,_

"Isn't my mother hospitalized?"

"No, Dr. Way was released yesterday afternoon, she was just shocked, but recovered quickly, she's with Michael right now, would you like to join them?"

_Fuck yeah I want to see them! I need to see how Mikey is!_ "Yes please." I had to be polite, this is the hospital my mum works at and I can't just treat doctors like trash, specially if he could be the one that saved my little brother's life.

I walked in the room and was hit by the cold silence, the only thing was the constant beeping of the machine, and I couldn't be more grateful for that damn sound. I neared my mum; she was sitting on a chair next to Mikey's bed filling some papers. "Mum?" I asked softly, I didn't want to wake Mikey up, he needed to recover. She turned around and smiled at me getting up and hugging me. I felt her sob on my shoulder so I held her tight. "It's okay mum, he's better now." I tried to sooth her, but I was getting very emotional too, I couldn't believe that if I had waited longer to go check up on him, or if I had fainted or something he might not be here now. How could we not notice he was this bad? Was this only because of Alicia or were there other reasons?

My mum let go and wiped the lasting tears from her eyes, "How are you sweetie? Are you feeling better?" she asked holding my face.

"Yeah mum, I'm fine… how are you? How's Mikey?"

"I'm better thanks, I just sort of snapped, but I'm fine now… Mikey's doing good, he's much better than yesterday, he's just sleeping now."

"Good, when are we going home? Dr. Wolff said we were leaving tonight?"

"Yeah we are sweetie, I just don't want to keep Mikey here, I think it will be better for him to be in a less clinical environment."

"Oh, okay, but shouldn't he be under vigilance or something? In case he tries to…" I couldn't even finish the sentence, a huge lump formed on my throat.

"Oh honey, I'll keep an eye on him at all times, I just think it will be better if he's in a more familiar place, so he can heal more properly."

"Oh, okay… is there anything you want me to do?" I asked her as I approached a small sofa on the side of the bed, I plopped down and looked at Mikey, he was so pale, he looked drained and haggard. He had an iv drip on his hand, and bandages on both wrists, they were slightly stained from the blood seeping through. I remembered holding those wrists trying to stop the blood from pouring and not being strong enough, feeling my whole body numb, feeling completely useless as I watched my little brother dying…

"Gerard?" I heard my mum calling me, trying to get my attention, "Did you hear me honey?"

"Oh, I'm sorry… no, I didn't" I apologized as I looked back at her and wiped a tear that threatened to escape my eye, she looked so tired, bags under her eyes and messy hair, you could tell she'd been up all night and day sitting right there were she was now.

"It's fine" she said with a smile, "I was just telling you that I thought it would be nice if maybe we went to the cabin for a week? I just remembered how Mikey's room is filled with pictures of him and Alicia, plus we need to get the carpet cleaned… I just think it would be better for him to be in a familiar place… only not one with so much baggage you know?" I could tell she was sad, and a bit unsure, but she was totally right, Mikey hated hospitals, much like I do, so the best was for him to be home, except home wasn't exactly suitable right now… considering the pictures… and the blood… and his current state of mind.

My mum had bought that cabin when she got promoted to head of the psychiatric department three years ago, luckily with the pre-nup she got to keep it. It was only three hours away, and it was a perfect place to get away from everything and just rest or get some peace of mind, which was exactly what Mikey needed right now, plus Mikey and I had really nice memories there so maybe it will make him happy… well… happier.

"I think that's a brilliant idea mum… you need any help with anything?" I smiled to the best of my capacity to show her I meant it. "Oh honey it would be of so much help if you could go home and pack for us? I would like to leave tomorrow morning so I can rest a bit, but I don't want to leave Mikey alone." She said softly taking his hand with a sad smile. "Yeah mum no problem, I understand" I said getting up from the chair "I'll be back in an hour, two tops okay?" I walked to her and kissed her on the forehead, gave one last look at Mikey and went my way.

As I left the house, with only two bags, cause I had refused to enter Mikey's room, I felt like I was forgetting something, but couldn't quite put my finger on it, so I let it slide and headed back to the hospital.

I entered Mikey's room and saw my mum all crammed on her chair asleep, I didn't want to wake her, she looked so tired, but at the same time I couldn't leave her there, so I dropped the bags on the floor and went to pick her up. She was a tiny woman, so I figured I could pick her up and not drop her or mess up my back. I was wrong, she was actually heavier that she appeared, or maybe it was just that I had never picked anyone up, not bridal style anyway, but I still managed to carry her to the small sofa, where she fitted just right all curled up. I put a blanket on her that I found folded at the end of the bed and kissed her forehead, she really needed to rest.

I must have fallen asleep on the chair next to Mikey's bed, cause I woke up the next day when a doctor entered the room. My mum was talking to him about some technical stuff, my mind was still a bit too fuzzy to understand and my body was killing me from passing out all contorted in the tiny chair. I turned my head to Mikey, he was awake, but seeing him awake was actually scarier that seeing him asleep. He was just there staring blankly at the wall, breathing so shallowly you could barely notice… he seemed so… dead.

We left about forty minutes after the doctor said everything was fine, I had to sit on the back of the car to "accompany" Mikey, but honestly? I wasn't of much help; he just sat there staring at the road passing by, he had been heavily sedated this morning before we left, apparently he might be in pain from the stomach pump, or just for the lacerations on his wrists, so they had given him some heavy pain killers, which sort of explained how out of it he was. Mikey never was much of a social kid, he was always introverted, since he was little, but never with me, we were like best friends and he never had any trouble talking to me, maybe that's why I was so shocked to see this happen, cause he never let me know how bad he actually was.

And it didn't help that the second we left the hospital my mum became brain dead, she didn't speak anymore, she just walked to the car and drove, she even stopped to get some groceries and returned without saying a single word, loading everything into the car and driving off. The only thing was she glanced back at Mikey through the rear-view mirror every couple minutes, and that's it… besides from that, she was an absolute robot.

We got to the cabin just before noon and I took Mikey to his room while my mum unloaded the car in the same robotic fashion she had been functioning for the past four or so hours, his room was the first door to the left, so I walked with him and helped him sit down on his bed, he was like a zombie, he could walk but he wasn't really there, it was like he was sleep walking. As soon as I sat him on the bed I did a check out to see if there were any hazardous items on the room that could eventually serve as a knife, or any kind of weapon Mikey could hurt himself with.

It pained me to have to do this, but Mikey wasn't mentally stable yet, and I couldn't risk him doing something stupid, not with the nearest hospital being an hour away. I tried to be as subtle as possible cause I didn't want Mikey to feel like he was being watched over like a little kid, the whole point of this exercise was to make Mikey feel at home and normal, not like a sick person. So as subtly as I could I put a pocket mirror and an old razor blade I found on the bathroom on my back pocket, though it wouldn't have made a difference if I danced and screamed my way out, cause Mikey was still sitting on the exact same spot I had left him, just staring out into the forest with blank eyes. In my mind I just prayed Buda that this was the medication acting and that he wasn't sober… cause if he's like this not sedated my heart will just break… he cant be like this, so for my own sake I'll assume he's still sedated.

As I left Mikey's room I took one last look back, he was sitting there still, staring, and with I sigh I resigned myself walking to the kitchen. My mum was taking stuff from the fridge to star lunch, paper bags scattered everywhere, she seemed pretty out of it too, she was just staring at a bowl while slowly tearing the lettuce while a single silent tear ran down her cheek. I walked in and began picking up all the bags from the grocery shop that my mum had just thrown to the floor, she was usually a neat freak so this was definitely unprecedented, as soon as I was done I hugged her from behind with no reaction from her part, it broke my heart but I think she just needed some space to heal. I walked out and headed to the living room, the only place I could check Mikey through his open door and my mum at the same time being the only one who hasn't snapped yet.

It was scary to see everyone so absent, just going through the motions, and in Mikey's case, not even that… he just breathed… barely… and blinked… occasionally. It was like they were zombies… like really, which reminded me of the movie we- 

_FUCK! Frank! I completely forgot! Today is Monday right? I was supposed to meet him at school today! Shit! I have to call him! _

I got up from the couch and ran to my bag flinging shirts and pants over my shoulder while screaming "FUCK!" and honest to god the weirdest part of that scenario was that both my mum and brother were well on hearing range and both didn't even move, it was like I could have been being murdered and they wouldn't have even noticed… or cared.

After having emptied the whole bag I realised exactly where my phone was. At home. On the couch Frank and I slept. Under my pillow. SHIT! I had stood Frank up and had no way to communicate with him, cause even if my mum has her phone -which I doubt, cause we both left the house in a hurry (so to speak) and if I left my phone having gone back then she definitely didn't have hers- still wouldn't be of much help considering I don't know by memory Frank's number.

_Great! After such a nice night Frank is going to think I stood him up… awesome! Now I'm back being the weird new guy… there's no way he'll like me now, not that I ever had a chance, but still… Saturday felt like progress… plus I don't even know how long I'll be here… damn it!_

I just sighed and went back to the couch were I could keep an eye on mum and M, not like it was exiting or even challenging, they barely moved, Mikey was still sitting on his bed and mum was still shredding the same piece of lettuce she had ten minutes ago. Great, I have a zombie family that won't do anything besides breathe right here while the guy I like is three hours away thinking why I didn't show up to school today… or the rest of the week for that matter. This is going to be a long week… but hey, Mikey's alive… and honestly? That's worth being stuck in the middle of nowhere for an indefinitely amount of time.

**A/N: okay so I've been debating with myself the past 4 days on whether to update this as it is (short and unfinished) or keep you waiting till I'm inspired, the thing is, I'm not… I haven't been… I've been way too busy, so I thought I would just post this, so you guys have an update and I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as possible, its just that I have major writer's block and to start a new chapter will probably help, so thanks for reading and understanding :D love you! please review!**


	12. The tree

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: Hi! Well I'm better now, my wrist is almost healed so yeah, I'm typing now, it is short but it's because it creates a bigger impact this way, hope you like it :) **

**HEY GUYS! BTW I NEED A BETA! SO IF ANY OF YOU AMAZING PEOPLE IS A BETA, AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME? INBOX ME :D THANKS LOVE YA!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 12**

**The tree (FPOV)**

By Friday I was going mad, there was still no sign of Gerard or Mikey, no one knew where they were or when they were coming back, if they were coming back at all. Everyday I walked pass his house with the hope the car would be there, but nothing had changed. The house remained empty pilling newspapers on the front porch and leaves on the loan. Gerard's cell phone had stopped working on Thursday, not that he was answering anyways; still, I hadn't lost hope.

Rumours filled the school talking about "the new guys" disappearance. Some said they had moved out, others that they had died… both scared me, specially the last one, cause some people were saying they had seen two ambulances outside his house on Sunday. I was terrified something might have happened to Gerard, so I went to the hospital to see if he was there, they told me they had a "Way" patient come in on Sunday but that they had left Monday morning, she didn't know where, and I was terrified of thinking of Gerard hurt in a hospital bed, but now he was just gone. I didn't know where he was or if he was coming back, _what if I never see him again? Maybe something happened to him and they just took off never to return! But what the fuck happened! _I only knew him for like a month, I shouldn't be so attached, but I couldn't help my heart from aching at the mere thought of never seeing his gorgeous face again.

Geometry drawn on forever, but I couldn't really pay any attention. I had been out of it all week, and part of me knew I was going to have to snap out of it sooner or later… specially if there was a chance he wasn't coming back, I couldn't be so down for loosing someone who was never more than a friend, even if my heart refused to accept that statement.

The final bell rang and I dragged my feet out of the classroom, head low, eyes on the floor. I felt the people bumping into me, yelling stuff at me, I didn't care, cause today was _the day._ On Wednesday I had promised myself that if Gerard wasn't back by Friday I was going to move on, stop moping and just deal with it, _easier said than done. _Today was Friday, which meant I had to stop feeling so despaired, after all I had no reason to be sad, not really. My heart laughed at me and shed a tear; I was bracing myself for "recovery" _GOD! I'm such a girl! _I would not be acting like this had I not met this guy… a month ago I would have never gotten so down over a dude… or a girl… yet I could not bring myself to regret meeting him, cause he had changed my life, for the best, even if he was gone now…

After getting my books from my locker -thing I never did but was set on occupying my mind on anything that wasn't him, even if that meant homework- I walked to the front doors, I took one last deep breath and walked out determined, this was it.

As I crossed the parking lot I approached his tree with a sad smile. How I missed seeing him there, sitting down surrounded by papers and coloured pencils, his messy hair on his focused face, his stained hand dancing on the paper leaving beautiful and precise lines behind…

With a sigh I neared it, every step my heart beat faster, and so my feet began to speed up, my hands began to sweat and a smile broke on my face. Either I had truly gone mad or that alabaster disarray of hair was actually him, he was back. I was almost sprinting by the time I got there, I was panting and my lungs were filled with that intoxicating scent I had missed so much.

"Gerard?" I tried to scream but it came out a ragged whisper, his head snapped to the side and a smile broke on his face, he jumped up and stood there frozen for a second, his smile faltered and he lowered his gaze, he was hesitant but I wasn't, I just couldn't control myself, I cut the distance in one quick step and collided forcefully into him in a tight hug. I couldn't believe how much I had missed him, his scent, his laugh, his arms…

at first he didn't react, his arms remained on his sides, but I couldn't bring myself to care, I was too happy… I was about to let go of him when my common sense kicked in and I realized that he clearly didn't want to hug me, which meant that probably he didn't want me hugging him either, when he reacted. His arms encased me and constricted me in a warm embrace. My smile grew and I felt full again.

**A/N: okay so I'm sorry its so short, but I felt like the reunion should be short and sweet, and to end it there seemed perfect :) soooo… im working on the next chapter now, so it should be up by Sunday… thank you for understanding and for all your support, love you!**


	13. Smells like blood and dust

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**A/N: Hi! Hope you liked the last chapter and was good despite being so short… sorry it took me this long to update, I've been very busy with school, anyways… here we go again… enjoy! :D**

**HEY GUYS! BTW I NEED A BETA! SO IF ANY OF YOU AMAZING PEOPLE IS A BETA, AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME? INBOX ME :D THANKS LOVE YA!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 13**

**Smells like blood and dust (GPOV)**

By Thursday Mikey was already way better, he was almost back to being completely normal, he would talk to me, we would laugh, and on Wednesday he had finally spoken up and told me everything he was thinking and feeling. Why he'd felt like he had no other escape, why he'd done what he'd done. We talked everything out and he realised why that was wrong. He also had sort of "therapy sessions" with mum, and honestly they were both much better, so my mum asked him if he was ready to go back. He wasn't quite stable enough to face his room, but mum said she was going to stay with him until he had healed completely.

She asked me if I could go back, get the house cleaned etc, and just have the house running so when Mikey felt like coming back it would be under normal circumstances.

On Friday at noon she gave me the car keys and told me to take care, and to have my phone on in case of emergency. I was still coming back on Sunday to return the car; after all, my mum couldn't be left stranded in the middle of nowhere.

When I was on the road listening to some much-needed music, only one thing came to mind… _Frank_, I really missed him, I think I really this guy, like I miss his face, and his voice, his laughter… just him… I don't want to be apart from him again.

It was settled, I was supposed to arrive at about three and school was out at four, so I was going to wait for him. I thought about going to his house, but he may have plans and not return home, then I thought about waiting for him by his locker, but he hardly ever went there, so I settled for waiting on the parking lot, by the tree I usually sat at when I was alone.

I didn't know what I was going to say to him once I saw him; I had disappeared, for a whole week, just poof! He could be mad at me for standing him up, for not telling him, I honestly didn't know how he was going to react, but I definitely didn't expect him to hug me.

"Gerard?" I barely heard the raspy whisper, but my heart felt it, and the second I saw his flushed face breathing heavily just a couple feet away from me, my whole body reacted. One second I was sitting and the next I was standing not three feet away from the only man who could make my heart ache in the best possible way.

His deep breathing and shocked expression reminded me that he might not be as happy to see me as I am to see him, he was probably mad or just over it which would be even worse. I lowered my eyes to mask the fear and sadness my heart felt, all I wanted was to hold him and not ever let go, but I had to face reality.

As I tried my best to hold back the tears I felt stinging my eyes, I prepared for the worse, the yelling or the much-feared indifference. I took a deep breath and as I was about to look up I felt his arms around me, it wasn't so much an embrace as it was almost a pounce. He collided onto me forcefully and I couldn't be more grateful, but I was still shocked and very confused, this was definitely not the reaction I was expecting.

His scent hypnotized me and his touch sent my body into frenzy, I couldn't move, and I didn't want to… I wanted to stay there forever, safe and happy in his arms. But my bubble was about to burst when I felt his arms loosening around me, I couldn't allow that, I couldn't let go, not now, not yet. My body reacted and my arms held him strongly against me, I felt him sigh and relax into the embrace, and in that moment I didn't care who saw, or what would people think, I was happy and I wasn't letting go.

I don't know how much time passed, I don't really care, and the best thing is that I don't think Frank does either. After a while of just breathing in his scent and feeling his warm body pressed against mine I realised that our relationship had changed. It wasn't the same it was a week ago; it was different, better, closer… I could've stayed like this forever, and I felt he would've too, that didn't happen with friends… friends didn't evoke such feelings… and it was about time I stopped calling this a friendship, cause it was so much more, and I wanted him to know it.

I slowly pulled my head back without letting go of him, and I felt his arms loosening a bit around me, he took them from around my waist and put his hands resting on my shoulders, his arms laying on top of mine, a curious look on his face. I smiled at him as I looked at his beautiful face, I couldn't believe how fucking gorgeous he was, his lips never seemed more alluring, that damn lip ring never called out to me as much as it did this very moment only four inches away from me… my mind did no justice to the stunning emerald eyes that were smiling back at me… he was perfect.

"I missed you…" I whispered looking at him straight in the eyes.

"I missed you too…" he whispered back while his eyes watered slightly.

"I'm so sorry to just disappear like that, it's just that-" "Shh…" he stopped me, slowly moving his hands through my shoulders and up my neck he grabbed my face softly between his hands making me look up at him, "I don't care… you're here and you're okay… that's all that matters to me…" he whispered with a smile on his face as not to disturb the peace around us, he leant forward and pecked me softly on the cheek.

We were walking home when Frank finally asked me why I had been missing all week, he told me he passed everyday by my house in hopes I would be there, and that I would find probably a thousand missed calls and voice messages on my cell phone. I loved realising how much he cared about me, but it killed me that I had put him through that, so I told him the truth. He was unbelievably shocked to hear about what Mikey had done and offered to help me clean up cause he knew it wouldn't be easy for me, and I couldn't be more grateful.

The second we got home I froze on the porch; I couldn't move a single muscle. Watching all the newspapers sprawled on the floor, remembering being dragged out by the paramedics telling me they were doing everything they could to keep Mikey alive… that my mum was taken too, that she was okay but not to keep my hopes up about my little brother… _Mikey…_

I was snapped out of my nightmare by Frank's hand on my wrist, I looked down and saw his hand softly holding mine while the other had the tip of my keys in between his fingers. I let go of the keys and he smiled at me walking towards the door. He opened it and walked back to me, he hugged me tight and whispered in my ear "Are you alright? We can wait as long as you want" I managed to nod and sighed hugging him back.

Frank took my hand and slowly walked to the door looking back to see if I was okay. The stench of blood hit me hard the second I put a foot in the house and bile rose on my throat, squeezing his hand I swallowed once and with a deep breath walked up the stairs. He stayed behind me, never letting go of my hand, until I got close to Mikey's room. The house was cold and dark, and the smell of blood and dust made it much eerier making me freeze again, drowning in a pool of memories and images of Mikey lying motionless on the floor covered in blood… barely breathing I never wanted to remember…

Frank stood in front of me and lifted our hands so they were resting on his chest, I looked at them and then at him, he had such a sincere expression on his face while he rubbed his thumb on my fingers.

"You don't have to go in there… I'll clean up, I don't mind" I knew he was being honest, and I wanted to take him up on his word, but I had to face this, Mikey was alive and well and I had to face that day, and I knew that with Frank by my side I would be able to.

"Hey I'm serious… look as long as I don't come across a spider I'll clean your whole house if you want me too" he smiled and I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of Frank freaking the fuck out over a tiny spider. "And if you do I'll always kill it for you…" I told him kissing him on the cheek, I couldn't be more grateful that he was here with me; he gave me the strength I needed and made me smile despite the darkness of the situation.

We walked into the room and he squeezed my hand letting me know he was there if I needed him, then let go and went to open the curtains and window. He bent down and began picking up blood-covered stuff I didn't want to see so I decided to get some water and chlorine to clean the carpet. When I came back with the bucket the room was practically spotless, except of course, for the giant bloodstain on the floor. Frank had cleaned up the floor and made the bed, it looked like such a normal bedroom and it made everything way easier.

I kneeled on the floor and started rubbing the brush with diluted chlorine, but apparently I wasn't doing a good job cause Frank kneeled next to me and with a smile took the brush from my hand and forcefully scrubbed the carpet. I just sat there looking at his face and realising how lucky I was to have somebody like him in my life and how I would die if I lost him. I couldn't help to softly tug his hair behind his ear; he looked at me and smiled, looked down and grabbed my hand placing them on his lap while he scrubbed the carpet with the other.

After minutes the brown stain on the floor was replaced by a pinkish white one, and the smell of blood and dust with the one of chlorine. Frank stood up and walked to a chair in the corner and grabbed a small carpet placing it on top of the white stain smiling, he helped me up and picked up a bag and the bucket and then extending his hand for me to take we walked downstairs.

He threw the bag away and took the bucket to the laundry room, I sat on a stool in the kitchen and waited for him to finish doing whatever he was doing, cause he honestly seemed on a mission, he looked very focused and determined and I didn't want to stand in his way, so I just sat and followed him with my eyes. The second he came back he started looking through the cabinets and drawers but every time I was about to ask him what he needed he pulled something out with a satisfied smile on his face.

He put water to boil in a pot and then walked around the house opening curtains and windows, then he put music on very soft, but enough to make the house much warmer, then came back and sat cross from me smiling.

"Are you done?" I asked him confused.

"Done with what?" he smiled back while he reached for my hand and played with my fingers.

"I don't know… whatever you were doing…? What were you doing by the way?"

"Oh, just airing the house" he said as if it was the most common thing in the world "and now I'm making you dinner cause I bet you haven't eaten anything all day" he beamed at me as he stood to check that the water was boiling and threw some pasta in.

How in the world could he be so fucking perfect? He wasn't mad, he came with me, stood by my side every second, took care of me, and now he's cooking for me? He's too fucking good to be true… well as long as I'm dreaming might as well take full advantage right?

"Frankie? Would you mind staying with me tonight? I don't want to be alone…" I asked him looking at the counter and playing with my fingers, I was really hoping he would say yes, but at the same time he's bound to get tired of me at some point.

"Oh I was planning on doing that already, I already texted my mum." He said without turning around. A smile broke on my face, he was definitely too perfect.

I couldn't help myself, I just stood up from my stool and walked towards him, I stood behind him for a second and then just hugged the living shit out of him. He laughed and turned around, "What was that for?" he chuckled still encased in my arms putting his hands on my chest, I looked at him in the eyes, those hypnotizing greens that controlled my heart and shrugged my shoulders with a sigh. I loosened my arms and dropped them to my sides, Frank's smile faltered and his eyes dropped to the floor, that second my mind went blank and my body reacted, I grabbed Frank's face and just as he lifted his glance I planted my lips on his.

**A/N: Okay so don't hate me! I know I took forever and I'm really sorry! And sorry about the cliff-hanger too :D I guess I'll see you around, please review, they really motivate me to write :)**


	14. Always

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 14**

**Always (FPOV)**

I knew exactly what Gerard was going through when he told me. I couldn't be mad at him for disappearing for a week, I'm just glad it wasn't a month and that Mikey had come out of this alive unlike my big sister Stephanie… she had killed herself thirteen years ago, my mum was the one to find her and I can still see what it did to her, so I was going to make this as easy as possible for him.

I was by nature a clean freak so I didn't mind cleaning up and doing the things that Gerard shouldn't have to deal with right now, I could see in his eyes how shocked he still was, and taking care of him made me happy, if I could see him smile then it will all be worth it.

I aired the house cause it stank of blood and chlorine and put some music on to break the cold silence surrounding us, while I made some pasta. I know I was hungry and I had lunch a couple hours ago, so I'm betting Gerard must be starving.

A soft whisper behind me broke my trance making me lift my eyes from the bubbling water in front of me.

"Frankie? Would you mind staying with me tonight? I don't want to be alone…"

I could hear the pain and hesitance in his voice, I wanted to turn around and face him as I answered-yelled at him an _OF COURSE!_ But something called my attention and stopped me, _he called me Frankie_… it was the first time he had ever referred to me as anything other than Frank, and he wanted me to stay with him tonight… I just couldn't fight the smile that came over me. I didn't turn around cause my huge ass grin would have probably freaked him out and that was the last thing I wanted to do, so I answered him as calmly as I could but when I felt his arms around me, constricting me, I couldn't help the giggle that escaped me.

I turned around to face him still encased in his arms, "What was that for?" I asked him barely focused at the lack of distance between us, he looked as clueless as I felt, just shrugged and dropped his arms to his sides, I felt so defeated, it had been such a perfect little moment and I go and ruin it by asking stupid questions, why the fuck does it matter the reason for him hugging me? I should be way more focused on the action than the fucking reason behind it.

Suddenly I felt Gerard's hands forcefully placed on my face, and before I got a chance to react his lips were on mine.

My mind went completely blank and my body went absolutely numb all in a second, and in the next it was gone… my body still couldn't react, my mind stayed blank except for what seemed to be a huge question mark. I felt so empty all of the sudden…

I managed to open my eyes to find Gerard two inches away panting with a shocked expression on his face, both hands up as in surrender; I swear he looked more surprised than I did about what had just happened. He opened his mouth and barely got "I'm-" to what I think was an apology before I grabbed the back of his neck with one hand and the front of his shirt with the other and clash my mouth back on his.

It took him a second to react and then I could feel his arms encasing me once more, pressing me against him, his lips moving with mine in perfect synchrony. After a while, don't know how long I softly pulled away, just enough that our mouths weren't touching, but keeping my forehead touching his and my arms around his neck.

"I've wanted to do that for so long…" I whispered, my breath mixing with his laboured one. Both our chests pressed together, rapidly going up and down. He caressed my nose softly with his; "I know… me too…" he chuckled and I could help but join him. I pulled back just enough to look at him in the eyes and smile at him, his smile was blinding and I couldn't help but get on my tippy toes and reach for his lips once more, I had barely grazed his beautiful lips when a splutter sound followed by a sizzle behind me made us both part and pay attention to the pot behind me that was spilling boiling water all over the stove, I turned around and let go of the beautiful man in front of me to take the lid of the pot so the water would go down.

I looked inside the pot to see a blob of what used to be defined strings of spaghetti, and laughed turning the stove off, I turned back around to see Gerard holding back the laughter, "So what now?" I asked him trying not to laugh at the situation at hand, "I say we go for it…" he smiled and reached for my hand, and I knew he wasn't talking about food anymore, I smirked back at him "Yeah… lets give it a shot" He stepped forward and pecked me in the cheek then went to grab a colander.

As we sat in the kitchen eating a deformed blob soaked in tomato sauce I couldn't help but be more than in awe at how things had turned out today. I had walked out of that school prepared to get over this amazing man and now here we were, eating dinner, in his kitchen, _together…_

I lifted my eyes from my plate and choked on the view as I tried to laugh without spitting all over the kitchen table. There was Gerard sitting with a perplexed expression, mouth full, spaghetti sauce all over his face… he could not be more adorable, only he would make eating pasta challenging.

"Wha…" he tried to say with his mouth full

"Attractive" I joked chuckling, "You have a little something on your face"

The idiot lifted his left hand to try and get it off with the fork still in his hand successfully getting sauce on his hair and sideburn. His confused face when he felt something wet on his head was too much to handle and I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard, he just pouted and made puppy eyes at me.

"Help me?" he asked me in the cutest voice ever, I just couldn't resist, so I pulled myself together and took deep breaths. I walked to the counter to get some napkins and walked back to see him still pouting, he looked ten years old, which made the feeling of raping him oh-so-wrong.

I walked up to him and started wiping the side of his head, when his hair was relatively clean I moved to his face cleaning his cheeks. When I pulled away he was almost clean, just a little sauce on the left of his mouth,

"Clean?" he asked me in a child-like voice beaming, _I swear to god this boy is four_. I grabbed his chin in one hand closing the distance; I looked at him in the eyes and seductively licked the side of his mouth pulling away again,

"Clean" I stated with a smirk as I watched his little tongue peek out and lick the same spot with a perplexed look on his face.

He was just too hot to resist, and with the satisfaction of having frustrated him at least as much as I was I sat back down in front of him finishing my cold remains of pasta watching his stunned face.

After dinner Gerard insisted on doing the dishes since I had "cooked", _or tried at least_, it was his fault that we had to eat deformed food anyways… he had _distracted _me. So I offered to make our bed that was still messy from the last weekend I had spend the night.

As I was making the bed I lifted a pillow and found Gerard's phone there, it was off, the battery had died on Thursday, so I thought I would charge it for him, I bet his mum would want to be able to reach him in case of emergency or something. "Hey Gee? I found your phone, its dead, want me to charge it?" I yelled into the kitchen, "Yeah! That would be great! The charger's in my room somewhere" he yelled back. As I walked upstairs I thought to myself that Gerard's room probably was in the same condition as last time, which means it's a fucking mess… _great._

_In his room somewhere… okay Frank, if you where a charger where the fuck would you be… _as I looked around his messy room filled with boxes and tarp I couldn't think of a single place it could be, not a specific one in any case. _Okay… a plug! That's where I would be… _I looked around trying not to step over anything for plugs, but they were all empty, _of course they are, we painted, he must have removed every pluggable thing here… so where the fuck is it!_ I was getting frustrated after maybe fifteen minutes searching everywhere, it was just so messy!

"Gerard! I can't find your fucking charger!" I yelled frustrated downstairs only to be startled by a soft cough behind me, "Jesus Christ! Give me a fucking heart attack why don't you!" there stood Gerard calmly leaning against the door frame holding the damn charger in his hand, a smirk on his face, "I just came up here to tell you that I forgot that since we painted the bedroom the charger was in the bathroom…" he said coolly, "How long have you been standing there?" I asked him suspicious, "Enough to see you freak over my mess" he chuckled, "Not funny" I hated mess, and I swear to Buda the second he's not looking I'm cleaning this place up. "It kinda is" he chuckled and came to kiss my cheek, then he took my hand and led me back downstairs.

"Hey did you finish the dishes?"

"Uhh… I was going to but then I remembered about the charger and…"

"I'll finish them, you go charge your phone" I smiled at him as I walked to the kitchen and he headed to the living room.

As soon as I was done I headed to the living room to finish tidying up cause I bet my ass Gerard hasn't done shit, but when I walked in I stopped dead in my tracks, Gerard was facing the other way but I could tell he was crying, and he was holding the phone to his ear. A million scenarios came to mind, all including Mikey and a more than unfortunate outcome. I ran towards him and turned him around freaking the fuck out, but when I saw his face he was smiling. Confused was an understatement to how I felt.

"Gee what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I asked him softly grabbing his face between my hands. He just sniffled and lent forward kissing me. "Thank you" was all he said after he pulled back… okay so if I thought I was confused before? Now we're on a whole new level of confusion people, some clearing up please? "Huh?" was all I could utter, he gave one soft chuckle and handed me his cell phone, a little voice came from the receiver so I put it to my ear,

_You have 23 new messages, to listen press…_

"23?" I asked looking up at him, he nodded, one lone tear leaving his glossy eyes, "And that's the half that's left… I already listened to like 10… I can't believe you care so much about me…" he sniffled again. He was crying because he was listening to my messages? I thought he was going to think I was pathetic. I closed the distance and hugged him, "I've always cared… and I always will… it's a promise." I told him against his neck as I squeezed him.

After he calmed down we lay down in our makeshift bed, I was laying looking at the ceiling and he crawled next to me softly putting his head on my chest, I hugged him and he hugged my torso back, "Thank you for being there for me, you have no idea how much it means to me" he smiled looking up at me, I lent forward and kissed his forehead, "Always" I promised… and I meant it with all my heart.

**A/N: Okay… hope you guys like it, I'm really sorry it took me long, I've just been very distracted lately, but hopefully it was worth it and you don't think it's shit like I do… so there you have it, Gee and Frankie are finally together :3 and like I promised I took it as slow as I deemed necessary and realistic :D there's still much to come hopefully cause I'm not done with this cuties yet :B so yeah, bye lovelies! Review please, tell me what you thought…**


	15. After all the sun does come out

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 15**

**After all the sun does come out after the storm ends (GPOV)**

Yesterday had passed in a daze, it all seemed like one beautiful endless dream, it was all just too perfect to be true. After all the shit I had to deal with the past week, Frankie remained the ray of sunshine that kept me from loosing it, and yesterday he had showed me this. He had been there for me, _Always, _he'd said… and I believed him, I could see it in his eyes, he meant it_. _And as for me? I meant it too, I didn't say it, but I will, cause even though I'm sure he knows, he deserves to hear it, cause there is something reassuring about hearing something you know be said out loud.

I expected to wake up as I had fallen asleep, in Frankie's warm chest, with the soothing rhythm of his breathing and the constant beating of his heart. But instead my head lay on a fluffy pillow that smelled like dust, but that didn't take the smile off my face, cause a different flashback was playing in my head. Instead of my face being snuggled in his small chest it was his that was laying softly on mine, some of his hairs tickling my neck and chin, just like last Saturday… except I expected this day to end on a completely different note.

My smile faltered for a second at the thought of Mikey but was quickly back and even bigger at the sound of Frank's sniffles, he was moaning quietly and breathing short shallow breaths, but before I could worry if he was having a nightmare he sneezed, sitting up in surprise. His face was sleepy and stunned at the same time, he looked like a surprised puppy for a second; he sniffled again and rubbed his eyes and I couldn't help but chuckle at the boy in front of me. He looked around confused, probably wondering how'd he ended up in my chest much like I had a second ago. I just smiled at his beautiful face, "I guess you have a way of finding your spot even in your sleep" I told him touching the wrinkles of my shirt marked on his cheek.

"My spot?" he asked smiling while he put a hand on my chest and leaned forward, he stopped a couple inches away from my lips still smiling and looking straight in my eyes. I couldn't help but lick my lips and stare at his. He had one hand on my chest and the other one was splayed on the pillow next to my head, and it wasn't until his sweet smile became a smirk that I looked up at his eyes. They were mischievous but I also saw he wanted an answer; "As long as you want it to be… it's yours" I smiled back and leaned enough to softly touch his lips.

I fell back down on the pillow smiling up at him, he was smiling back and his hand fisted on my shirt right above my heart, it was racing and I knew he could feel it. He lowered his head and kissed right above his hand then smiled at me and kissed my forehead, "Like I said… Always…" and I knew we were both on the same page, we weren't talking about my chest or sleeping places anymore, we were talking about belonging to each other. I lifted my hand and pressed it against his chest, his heart was racing too, he looked down at it with a smile, "Always" I repeated.

Saturday was spent in a blur of food, movies and soft touches. We were still at the beginning of our relationship and I could tell neither wanted to rush things. I had asked Frank to stay for the weekend and if he would go with me on Sunday to my house on the woods to drop mum's car so she could return whenever Mikey felt strong enough to be back. He was very exited about it actually but I could see the disappointment when I told him we would have to drive there separately so that I could drop the car and return in his together.

So on Saturday afternoon he pecked me softly and went home to grab some clean clothes and borrow the family car. He was back in no time and I expected him with veggie sandwiches promising we were buying actual food the next day.

I had settled the alarm to go off at 10 so we could leave at around 10:30 and grab lunch on the road, but it wasn't until today, the third time I have awoken next to Frankie, that I realised just how impossible he is to wake up. It made sense I hadn't realised before, I mean the first morning we were both woken up by the loud bang of my front door, and yesterday he woke himself up sneezing, but it turns out that alarm clocks do nothing for the guy, even when they are right next to his ear.

I opened up my eyes and groggily pressed the snooze button to have a couple more minutes of sleep. I felt Frankie's head laying on my chest again and his arm around me and it made me smile, I was usually very claustrophobic when I slept and I really needed my space, but he seemed to be my exception, cause I had slept amazing this last few nights. I softly stroke his hair assuming he had woken with the loud repetitive beeping of my phone, but he didn't move an inch, still I kept stroking his soft short mohawk and blond shorter sides making him almost purr, but not wake up.

After about ten minutes I was almost out of it again but the beeping began blaring through my phone, I resigned myself and turned it off knowing we had to hit the road if we didn't wan to be back too late.

"Frank" I whispered while stroking his hair, no response…

"Frank?" I tried lifting my head to see if I got any reaction, but the fact that his head was almost on my neck didn't help the matters, I could only partially see his face and hear his breathing, which was as even as it was five minutes ago…

"Frankie? Wake up…" I moaned sleepily shoving him a little but for a small guy he was a fucking rock!

"FRAN-KIE!" I said louder shoving him with a little more force, "you have to wake up! We need to get going!" I was rocking him so hard I almost fell from the bed, yet he remained unfazed.

Okay so the 'soft touch and whisper' was futile and 'loud and rough' tactic was clearly a mistake, so that left another weapon in my arsenal… one I've never had anyone to use it on before.

I got my mouth as close to his ear as I could and whispered as seductively as I could manage at ten in the morning while I caressed softly his hand,

"Hey Frankie? If you wake up I'll give you a present… _anything_ you want…" and finished by kissing his ear softly. I pulled back and felt as a shiver ran down his spine while his breathing changed, a second later he had lifted his head and put his chin on my chest, turning his head to look back at me.

"Did you say something about a present?" he asked groggily with a sleepy smirk on his face, and that did it for me, I was laughing so hard Frank had to roll off of me to give me space.

"you…. are… un..believable!" I managed to say between gasps, Frank just sat there watching me with an amused smile on his face and lidded eyes.

"Why?" he asked me confused,

"Because I've been trying to wake you up for like ten minutes! Alarm clock, shoving, saying your name, shaking you, nothing works! Not as much as a reaction from you! But I so much as whisper sexily in your ear and you're up all of the sudden? I can believe it!" I got out containing my laughter. He seemed shocked for a few seconds and then his whole body stance relaxed,

"I live with very loud people, I've learned to sleep through it…" he said as if it was no big deal shrugging one shoulder. I couldn't help but burst into laughter again,

"And that explains your sudden awakening with a soft whisper?" I was incredulous, how does he even wake up every morning for school?

"I'm a man" he said nonchalantly,

"So…..?" where was he supposed to be going with this?

"So I guess I have like a sex-chip programmed on my brain or something, it makes me wake up at the prospect of something sexy" he smiled probably proud at his super rational/scientific explanation.

"Uh.. okay…? So if I had just whispered in a flat tone you'd be still asleep?"

"Maybe… probably…" he rationalized,

"Oh my god you amaze me, you-you do." I chuckled back at his child-like face; this really made sense to him.

"So did you say anything about a present?" he said wiggling his eyebrows seductively at me.

"Uh… yeah, okay cowboy, after you get dressed and ready." I told him throwing him a pillow in his pouting face and getting up to get dressed.

We'd been on the road for a little over an hour when my phone started ringing, I picked it up and looked through my rear-view mirror to see Frank in his car right behind me with his cell pressed against his face. The caller ID confirmed it was him and I picked up with a smile. Stupidly enough I kinda missed him, and it was hard knowing he was just a couple feet away on another car and I couldn't be with him.

"Hello you've reached the Jersey phone sex agency, please press one to talk to one of our _amazing_ girls" I said into the phone, I heard him chuckle and then the distinct beep of a key being pressed, "You have pressed the number two, you'll be now transferred to one of our _hot_ gentleman" he chuckled again,

"How did you know I wasn't going to press one?"

"Lucky hunch I guess, so what's up?"

"Nothing much, just kinda starving… can we stop somewhere to grab some lunch? Its passed noon" he pleaded,

"Yeah sure, there's a nice diner a couple miles ahead, maybe like half an hour from here? Think you can handle it?" I chuckled at him,

"Yeah sure… oh, and _hot gentleman?_ Are you seriously that full of yourself?" he laughed through the speakers,

"Screw you, you know I'm hot!" I chuckled back,

"Yeah you are… see you in 30" he said sweetly and then hung up.

I couldn't erase the smile from my face as I saw his through the mirror, _And he thinks _I'm_ hot…_

After about five minutes of hanging up the phone I got a beeping from it signalling a text message, I managed to pick it up and open it without crashing or something,

_You still owe me a present. I expect it today. And if I recall correctly it was anything I wanted… right? ;)_

The sole thought made me shiver, I was a guy, my mind couldn't help but going dirty places at dirty innuendos, and for a second I wished our relationship was a bit more advanced… then I would be sure to give him a present… but I wanted to take things slow, and that was what I was going to do, no matter how much my dick wanted otherwise.

Now I just had to wait, and think of a present to give him, one that preferably didn't involve my balls turning blue. It's really absurd how I can miss him so much after only a couple hours… I was falling fast and it's scaring the living shit out of me, I only have left to hope we're on the same page.

I looked at my watch and then at the road signs signalling the next exit, I was really hungry too, but more than that I just wanted to see those beautiful green eyes again,

_Only thirty minutes left…_

**A/N: I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME THIS LONG! (that's all I have to say, hopefully you liked it and you forgive me) :D LOVE YOU SO MUCH! AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT, IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME! 3**


	16. The pavement stays hot

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 16**

**The pavement stays hot while the sun goes down (FPOV)**

Gerard drove the way back; I didn't know how to get from the woods to Jersey. Plus I was tired, and looking at Gee seemed like a better way to spend three hours compared to staring at the road while he gave me directions. So I sat quietly in the front seat slightly turned sideways just watching his profile against the sunset, as he was singing.

He was an amazing singer, though I don't think he knew it, he was very shy about it and every time he realised that I could hear him, he would lower his voice or stop completely.

"Don't." I said barely above the music. He turned his head slightly only taking his eyes from the road for a second to look at me.

"Don't what?" he asked confused, raising his eyebrows above the frame of his sunglasses.

I raised my hand and placed it on the back of his neck resting my arm on the top of the seat, softly running my fingers through his wild hair. It was tangled from the wind blowing it in all directions, yet it was very soft and I wanted to smell it, to see if it still had his scent or if it was already over powered by the smell of smoke of his cigarettes.

"Don't stop singing… I like it when you sing." I smiled at him watching him shiver as I pulled a couple strands.

"I like it when you play guitar… it gives me goose bumps" he smiled my way.

"Well too bad we don't have a guitar here, now sing." I ordered, playfully. He chuckled and started singing, very low, lower than the radio, so I turned it down almost all the way. "C'mon I wanna hear your voice," I told him leaning closer to him, "you have such a beautiful voice…" I whispered in his ear, I felt him shiver again and saw the blush tinting his face.

I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped me and took full advantage of the situation. I pulled his head back just a little by the hair, enough to get a reaction but not so much I would difficult his driving. With his neck more exposed I leaned in and kissed it softly, "Please?" I pleaded, he grunted and weakly shook his head. "Hmm…" I was not giving up that easily, specially when he couldn't run away from me. "How about now?" I leaned again and bit his neck right on the pulse point behind his ear, I heard him moan and close his eyes, the car whirled a bit and I put my right hand on his thigh whispering "Eyes on the road Gerard."

His breath hitched, "Mmhmm" he agreed clearing his throat, I licked the bite mark next to his jaw and sat back down keeping my hand on his neck. I heard him take a deep breath and then begin softly singing the song that was playing. I smiled and closed my eyes getting lost in his perfect voice and soft hair.

I must have fallen asleep to his voice because next thing I knew, Gerard was stroking my head asking me-in a very sexy voice if I might add-to wake up. When I finally opened my eyes, it was dark outside and we were on my street. "You really need to teach me how to wake you up, there's no way I'm dirty taking to you, every time you have to wake up." He laughed at me.

I grabbed his face and pulled him to me kissing him, "Why? I like it." I smiled against his lips.

"Because…" he chuckled and pecked me before sitting back on the driver's seat, "Besides how do you even wake up every morning for school? Do have like a phone sex hooker hired to talk to you every morning?" I couldn't help laughing at the idea of a hooker waking me up every morning, and weirdly enough I found the thought a lot more repulsive than I would've a month ago.

"Nope… breakfast"

"Breakfast? I'm going to need more than that… do you seriously just react to food and sex? Is that al that gets you out of bed?"

"What can I say, I'm a guy."

"No, you're a stereotype." he laughed.

"Am not! Besides it's not just the food… when my mom's done cooking breakfast she opens my door, and my dogs wake me up. They're always really exited in the morning because of the smell of food, so they jump on the bed and wake me up… its really hard to ignore five tongues on your face"

"You have five dogs?" he looked surprised.

"Yup"

"That wake you up every morning…"

"What can I say, it's a good system… never fails" I smiled at him hoping the shock would wear off.

He chuckled shaking his head "You never fail to amaze me," he then leaned and kiss my forehead "Goodnight, thank you for coming with me today, thank you for everything." He said sincerely, voice ready to crack. I grabbed his face again and looked him straight in the eyes, "Hey, it's no problem, I like being there for you," I gave him a soft, long kiss, "Goodnight… I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled at him and got out of the car.

I hated Mondays, I really did, but lately? Let's say I had something to look forward to, and that made everyday day seem the same. Whether it was a Friday or a Monday. Today I got to have music with Gerard too and I was really exited to propose him to work with me on the end of term project. I wanted him to help me compose a song and sing it with me. I was crossing my fingers hoping that he would agree, even if it was merely for the grade.

So as I washed the dog saliva off my face I must admit I took a little longer to make my hair more presentable, and my face more decent, something I never did for Lindsey, I guess I was never that invested in that relationship.

_Relationship… _is that what this is? I mean what else could it be? We clearly were more than friends, but we haven't really defined what we were. _Oh god_ _is he my boyfriend? Should I kiss him hello? Hold his hand on the hallways?_ I was seriously hyperventilating, this was so weird, I've never been in this situation before! Like with a girl I knew where we stood… always. But should I like _ask_ Gerard to be my boyfriend? Should I wait until _he_ does? Is it something we just _assume_? Would he even want to be my boyfriend? Oh god, _oh god! Oh dear Buddha help me here…_

My mental battle lasted through the whole walk to school, random thoughts and situations popping in my mind making me freak out, it was like I didn't even know how to act anymore, how to talk, how to walk properly… I had no idea how I was supposed to interact with people, everything seemed wrong and forced and I was seriously over thinking every single detail in human interaction.

I had no idea how my reaction to Gerard would be, at this point it could be something as simple as freezing, just saying hi, or as extreme as pouncing him or running the hell out of there. And to be honest? All the option scared the shit out of me, to the point I almost thought of walking back home and just faking the flu. But our relationship-_oh my god what are we? Are we in a relationship? Is that what this is? Oh god oh god oh god-_had already suffered enough pushing and pulling on both sides, we had both disappeared for no apparent reason before and we're over that.

The second I walked on school premises my whole pep talk to calm the fuck down went out the window. My breathing got more shallow and my heart started racing, I felt so stupid, a talk was all it would take to solve this tiny problem, yet my mind could not be reigned in. it was as if all my insecurities surfaced at this precise moment, fear of rejection, fear of not being loved, fear of not being enough… _what if I go up to him and try to hold his hand and he pulls away?_

My mind was racing when I felt two hands cover my eyes. I recognized the scent immediately and suddenly it was all calm, my heart kept racing but for a completely different reason, my breathing was normal, and my mind was nothing but Gerard and all was okay.

"Guess who?" I shivered at the soft whisper.

"Like I have to guess" I chuckled and he did too, then he kissed my cheek and dropped his hands. I turned around and couldn't stop smiling at the sight of Gerard standing there beaming down at me.

"Good morning" he said putting one hand on my cheek rubbing his thumb across my cheekbone.

I took a deep breath "Hi" was all that came out.

"I hope you don't mind, but there's something I just have to do" he said frowning, he looked concerned and it worried me, but I didn't have a second more to worry cause his lips were already on mine and all coherent thought was paused for the moment.

My hands went straight to his waist pulling him closer while his other hand went to the back of my neck threading his fingers on the hair that was longer there. I was completely lost on the feel of his lips on mine, his fingers on my hair, his hand on my face, my hands moving along with his ribcage as his breathing sped up…

…And then the bell rang. I gasp pulling away, looking up at him. We both looked flustered and severely out of breath, I laughed at his expression and he laughed along, then looked down taking my hand in his and pulling me towards class. I walked dazedly behind him thinking about what had just happened. Chances are lots of people saw, but he didn't mind, he started it after all… so maybe I shouldn't mind either.

"We're going to have to be more careful about where we do that from now on… cause I don't think I can control myself around you anymore" he turned slightly to say to me winking. I could barely process what he was saying to me, "Yeah" I managed out, he just laughed shaking his head and continued pulling me.

He took me to my English class before heading to Art, he told me it was alright if he arrived late cause the teacher barely paid any attention to the students and that he wasn't completely sure I could walk by my self right now, much less find my class. He was so damn sweet, and when we got to English he pecked my cheek saying it was the safest option and let go of my hand as I tried my best to walk in unnoticed.

The second the door clicked behind me I swear I could almost hear the heads turning, I knew I didn't have such luck… "Look! The faggot's finally here!" one of the jocks yelled pointing at me. I ducked my head and headed for the farthest desk in the back I could find ignoring all the yelling and name calling on my way.

"What, are you done fucking your little boyfriend in the ass?" someone said as I walked passed them, their girlfriend laughing along. As I was almost to my seat, something hit me on the side of my face, I winced but kept going, I had to keep going. I sat down, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath; _this is going to be my life from now on isn't it?_ Suddenly an empty can of soda hit my forehead, hard.

_Yes… yes it is…_

**A/N: I'm so, so, so very sorry it took me this long, I have no excuse and I'm very sorry, I hope you like this. And to everyone who reviewed lately… THANK YOU! You're the reason this is up, cause you inspired me to write again, thank you for reading, thank you for your opinion, just thank you, without you I'm nothing.**

**BTW I would like to thank my new Beta for helping me with this KatherynLewis** 3


	17. Just hold on tight

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**A/N: so I'm getting back in the rhythm of writing again, hope you keep liking it, and review and tell me what you thought about it okay? It really inspires me, like you have no idea :) (I can't believe I've gotten this far, I've never stuck with a story this long, yet I feel like its just starting)**

**Chapter 17**

**Just hold on tight (GPOV)**

As I walked to Art a million thoughts coursed through my mind. I had seen Mikey and he was doing so good, mom said they were most likely coming back on Friday at the latest and that was great because the house was getting really lonely. Frank waited in the car, said it was a family matter, and he was right, he's so respectful and kind, and fuck he's sexy, I just couldn't control myself around him, not now that I was allowed to let go.

I knew there would be consequences to our little public display of affection, but I was hoping we could work pass them. Luckily as I walked the silent halls I ran into no one, which led me to naively believe everything was going to be alright.

Even in art class, where all the freaks and misfits were, I got called names and paint thrown at, and all I could think of is how Frank must've been holding up.

The second the bell rang I ran out of the classroom to get to Frank's class, hopefully before he got out. This wasn't going to be an easy day and it would be best if we faced it together, especially since he's never been in a situation even remotely close to this one.

I had, back in my old school. It was all a lie of course, a stupid rumour, but it hurt just the same, and at least I knew how to survive it, how to keep going. Until I ran away that is, and here I am in the same situation a year later, except this time I have Frank to help me stay strong, if not for me, for him.

I grabbed his hand the second he stepped foot on the hallway and dragged him outside. I spotted my tree and walked there, Frank made no effort to resist or question my actions, just laced our fingers and walked behind me in complete silence.

As soon as we were under the now withered tree I turned, looked him straight in the eyes and sat down pulling him down by the hand. He sat right in front of me on a pile of leafs.

"How are you?" I asked stroking his hand; he seemed a little out of it, just staring at my face.

He lifted his other hand and softly placed it on my face, then retrieved it looking down. His palm was splattered with red and green and a mix of colours that formed a horrible brownish colour. "What happened?" he whispered barely above the sound of the autumn breeze and the students running around.

"Just had a little exchange of words with a couple of guys" I said shrugging my shoulders.

"Looks like more than a 'little exchange of words' to me." He said with a sad expression wiping his hand on his black jeans. "Hey, no, don't, you'll stain your clothes" I took his hand in both of mine and held it on my lap. He just kept looking down at the wet spot on his jeans with a frown on his face.

"Hey, listen to me, we'll get through this, Frankie, okay?"

He barely lifted his eyes for a second before he went back to staring at his stained pants with a mere sighed "Mhmm"

"And you know why?" I lowered my head to try and reach his eyes, failing, he just shook his head slightly, "'Cause everyone gets harassed, just look around." He lifted his head for a second then lowered it again; I brought my hand to his chin and made him look at me.

"See that kid?" I asked him pointing at a boy walking calmly to class, even though the bell had rang five minutes ago. "He gets called _emo _and shoved into lockers just for the way he wears his hair, or how he dresses"

"Well he is kind of emo…" Frank said with a small smile looking at me making me chuckle.

"Yeah well that's non of their business, nor is it ours for that matter… See that girl over there?" I nodded in the direction of the lone girl sitting cross-legged against the main building listening to music. "She gets called a _dyke _and a freak, and maybe she is a lesbian, maybe she just likes dressing like that, the thing is it's not their problem, and it's not ours either, just hers." Frank was staring at me with glassy eyes, nodding.

"See her?" I nodded to the girl rushing by to class. "She gets called fat every single day… we don't know why she's like that, genetics, depression, whatever, but I do know we're not helping by tormenting her with it."

"Yeah, but see, it's only the outcasts, the rejects, the _weirdos_ who get picked on… it-it's just not fair" he said with a single tear running down his face.

"You're right… and you're wrong" I told him wiping away the lonely tear. "I've learned that the popular guys are just as miserable as we are, they usually don't have real friends, their parents treat them like shit, and all of their bullying is just to hide their insecurities. I'll bet you anything that at least three people from the popular kids are gay, lesbian or bicurious-whatever the hell that means-and are too afraid to come out, so they're stuck being miserable, pretending" I reached for his hand and he smiled back. "And you wanna know what the worst part is?" Frank shook his head lowering his head "Most of them will never amount to _anything_; they're too caught up in their superficial lives to make something of themselves. While you," I grabbed his face so he would really listen to me; he lifted his eyes looking straight at me. "You Frank, are going places, you are going to do such great things, so I just need you to hang on tight for me okay?"

He nodded softly as more tears fell from his eyes; I leaned in and kissed his forehead. "I know two years seem like a lot, but I swear it'll fly by. So what, we'll get called fags, cock suckers, queers… I don't care as long as I'm by your side okay? 'Cause you know what? I _am_ gay, or bi, or whatever the fuck I am, and I'm not fucking ashamed of it! And I want to be with you. Whatever this is, I like it, it makes me happier than I've ever been and I don't want it all to go to shit 'cause of some incomprehensive, close-minded assholes. We're in this together okay? We'll survive this together, and I promise, I'll never leave your side, I'll hold your hand through it all." I said letting go of his face and reaching for his hands.

"I'll be here for you too, you know that right?" he said squeezing my hands "I'll never let go"

"I know" I squeezed back smiling.

We decided to skip the next period, in my case English, since it had already started and entering a class 20 minutes late was attracting a little more attention than we needed right now. And then we had Math… and well lets say neither minded skipping that, plus Frank wanted to postpone facing people as long as he could, so we decided to go back for Music since we had that together, and maybe it would be easier to face people as a united front. So we stayed under my tree just talking, listening to some music, and ignoring the casual passing dude that would yell something nasty or just stare uncomfortably.

Frank was laying on the ground with his head on my lap just messing with dried leaves when I realised it was almost time for lunch, which meant thousands of annoying, hungry people roaming the school freely.

"Hey we should head to Music before all the people get out, we can spend lunch period there" I told him while I ran my fingers through his hair. He looked up from his leaf and nodded silently.

Frank remained quiet and distant while we walked, and I started to get really worried. I mean, yeah, I had promised him that I would be there through it all, and that I wanted to be with him no matter what, that I was willing to endure all the shit that was thrown at us, but I never asked him if he was willing to go through all that for me, for us. Maybe it was all too much, maybe I wasn't worth all the trouble, maybe he just wanted out, to be normal again.

If he wanted to break up I would get over it, of course I would, people can get over pretty much anything, but I'm not gonna lie it would suck… a lot. I'm really happy right now, he makes me happy, and I don't want to give that up, but I also know that I'm no prize, and probably he sees more cons than pros, and I get it, still, he said he was here for me right? That he wouldn't let go?

I closed the door of the music class behind me and took a deep breath, I watched Frank walk to the guitar section and grab his usual green one. He stood there with his back at me, and began playing. It was angry, very energetic, and with a clear sad tone to it.

I just stood there not wanting to interrupt him and listened, I closed my eyes and just let the music fill me, it made me want to cry and I felt my eyes stinging. Frank clearly was hurt and it made me scared for our relationship, maybe it was too much for him, I mean we barely have gotten any shit yet, it's just the first day, if he's reacting like this to one period of getting called names I can only imagine how he'll handle the rest of the year. And even if we broke up, the damage's already done,_ fuck I wish I knew how to take back time and never get him involve in all this shit_.

"Erase that frown from your pretty face" I felt Frank whisper in my ear making me smile. I must've been lost in my thoughts because the green guitar was laying on the floor a few feet away and Frank was standing in front of me smiling back at me.

"Hey are you alright?" I asked him touching his face.

"Yeah fine" he sighed and turned around going to pick up the guitar.

"Really? 'Cause you sound angry" I walked up to him.

"I'm not… I'm just pissed" he sighed placing the guitar back in its rack and turning around to face me.

"Why?" I was terrified of him saying he was sick of this, of him ending this, but I wasn't going to avoid the subject, maybe we could do some damage control if we end things now and in a couple weeks he'll be back to his old, normal life and I'll just be the new guy, the freak again. I could live with that as long as Frank didn't get hurt anymore.

"I just fucking hate society you know? It's so messed up that I can't be with whom ever I want just because some assholes think it's inappropriate or _wrong_ or whatever, it just makes me so fucking mad! I hate it! I didn't fucking choose this! I can't help it if I'm attracted to you! I can't control who makes me happy and who just doesn't! Why the fuck should we be punished for this?" he was yelling and pacing around and I was praying he wouldn't say the five words I was dreading, _I can't do this anymore…_

"I know… I feel the same way" I whispered.

He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me, took a deep breath and walked my way, he stopped right in front of me and took my hand. "Come here" he said dragging me to a spot near the stage and sat down on the floor. I sat right in front of him and looked at our hands on his lap.

He leant forward and kissed my cheek, "I'm so glad you're here with me" he said softly as he touched his nose with mine "'Cause I can't do this without you" he whispered just a few inches away from my lips. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his closeness.

"But…" my heart froze at that one word, _please don't break up with me, please don't break up with me, please don't break up with me _"I can't do this like this" he finished saying and pulled away, I opened my eyes and braced myself.

He took my hand and kissed it once, then held it against his chest, I could feel his heart racing just like mine was. "Gerard…" he said looking down at our hands.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I really needed for him not to do this right now. "Would you- would you be my boyfriend?" he said softly not lifting his eyes.

A huge breath left my body, one I didn't realise I was holding in, and a smile broke through my face. He looked up startled and I couldn't help but throwing my hand around his neck and pulling him to me, kissing him hard. "Yeah I'd love that" I said against his lips under my breath, he kissed me back and I felt like as long as we had each others back we could survive through this.

**A/N: Okay yay! New update… I'll be going back to class tomorrow, which means I'll probably be writing more, so I'm exited! I have big plans for this story so lets see what happens :D I want to thank my Beta for helping me, and I want to dedicate this to my friend who keeps annoying me to write, thank you, without you it would've probably taken me forever to finish this.**


	18. Conflicts are inevitable

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**Chapter 18**

**Conflicts are inevitable (FPOV)**

The next couple of weeks were tough. I got harassed in class, shoved against lockers almost every break, and called names every single day. When I was with Gerard it was easier, I could distract myself with him, and anything they did seemed worth it as long as I had him by my side. But sadly I barely had a couple classes with him, so for the rest I was alone.

I knew he was having a hard time too, but he didn't show it, not to me at least. He acted tough and it gave me strength, he was my biggest support system, but even with that, my mom was catching on that something was up.

I was coming home bruised and depressed; she noticed that even though I was happier than usual, my sprit was definitely broken. She started to notice and began asking questions.

And as much as I was ready to come out to my parents, I wasn't ready for their reaction. The reaction of my whole family, and not only that, but the reaction of knowing that this has brought along all this bullying, that this, that was making me so happy, was also making me miserable. At the same time I couldn't deal with my father's rejection or my mom's prohibition if she thought it was 'for the best'.

So for now, I'm keeping quiet. I was capable of enduring a lot of things, I just have never had to endure something like this, but I was learning and it was getting easier. Plus I had a plan-B in case things got too bad; lets just hope it doesn't come to that.

Besides I was really exited, Halloween was just a couple of days away, and I was really looking forward to it. Because not only was it my favorite holiday in the entire world, but it was also my birthday. I was finally turning seventeen and I was really exited about it.

It was falling on a Friday so Gerard and I were already making plans for the weekend. Gerard had already turned seventeen, and somehow being sixteen make me feel like a kid, and lets say that the things I wanted to do to Gerard weren't exactly 'childlike', so I was happy to say I was the same age as him, even though he had been seventeen since April.

We were planning on staying at his house for the weekend and watch some scary movies and eat a lot of candy. I suggested his place since my house was very crowded, with all my family and dogs, plus we ran the risk of being constantly interrupted, with the whole 'no boundaries' and 'it's your birthday spend time with your family' attitude, while at Gerard's his mom was usually busy or working and Mikey barely left his bedroom, so it was the safest choice.

But lately Gerard had been acting strange and I was hoping I wasn't to blame it. I mean if he had any kind of problem he would've told me right?

I was walking out of physics when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, I turned around smiling prepared to see those beautiful hazel eyes, when I was met by deep blue ones lower than I expected.

"Lindsey?" I said immediately pulling away.

"Hey Frankie." she purred at me.

I took another step back looking around; we were surrounded by people coming out of class on their way to lunch.

"What are you doing here? What do you want?" I was severely confused, we hadn't spoken to each other since we broke up, and since Gerard and I came out as a couple I was positive I was pretty much dead to her from the looks she and her friends gave me.

"Come on Frankie why don't you stop with this whole '_I'm gay, I'm so cool and different, and completely over my girlfriend' act?_" she tried to say seductively but ended up being kind of annoyed.

"Wha-what are you talking about?" I was really confused, _what is she going on about?_

"You know what I'm talking about, I know you're trying to get my attention by 'dating' the new guy. You knew I liked him so you're trying to show me that 'you won'. It's alright baby, it was never a competition, I want you, so just drop it okay?" she said with a sickly sweet voice coming closer to me.

_Is this bitch serious?_

"I'll make sure your reputation is back to normal in like a week baby, don't you want that? Don't you miss me?" she was getting closer and closer and I kept backing up, until I bumped into someone, giving her the advantage. She grabbed my shirt pulling me to her, luckily I was taller than her, even in heels, so unless I ducked there was nothing she could do.

"What the hell? Are you delusional?" I almost yelled taking her hand from my chest and pulling away. "You think this is about you? Some sick competition?" she was stunned silent "This is about me! And him! I really like him okay? I like him more than I ever liked you! And he's made me happier in two months than you ever did in two fucking years! So no Lindsey, I don't want you, and I would never go back to you. Just this little display shows me how immature you are and why I could never fall in love with you."

By the end of my rant I was breathing heavily, she was frozen in front of me speechless, her chin was quivering and her eyes were glossy. I knew I should regret what I had said, or at least the way I said it, but I couldn't bring myself to be sorry because I meant every single word I said.

I was just too pissed at her for assuming this amazing thing Gerard and I had was nothing more than a stunt to get her back, _like I would use people like that!_

"Well fuck you! I was just doing this to spare you! If you want to keep this charade then go right ahead! I just thought I'd help you get rid of the fag and go back to normal!" _I swear to Yoda if she wasn't a girl I would've beaten the living shit out of her by now. _"So don't come crying when you're done with this stupid little game and realize no one ever gave a fuck! No one's buying your stupid act, so you might as well just drop it already." She was screaming her lungs out, she was all red and sweaty and just plane scary. If I wasn't so damn pissed at her I would've probably been terrified of her.

"You know what? I wish no one gave a shit! Maybe then I wouldn't get beaten and insulted every day, but I put up with it because I really care about Gerard and I care about our relationship more than I care what other assholes think of me, but you wouldn't know what that's like, now would you? 'Cause you're a superficial cunt who wouldn't know what true love's like if it hit you on your ugly face. So keep your 'advices' and opinions to yourself, 'cause I really don't need to hear advice from a girl who spends her life trying to please other people instead of doing what makes her happy." I looked her straight in the eyes for a second before turning around and heading outside.

"FUCK YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL FOR FUCKING A GUY EITHER WAY! SO SCREW YOU FAGGOT!" She yelled at me just as I reached the stairs. Everyone was looking my way.

"Yeah? Well if you're going to heaven I don't want to go there, I'd rather be in hell with my boyfriend having gay sex than have to endure you for the rest of eternity, how's that sound?" I said tuning around for a second with a huge smile and then proceeding to go down stairs to meet Gerard.

He was waiting for me under his tree; he had his "shut-the-fuck-up" headphones on, which drowned all the noise around him, so I knew there was no point in yelling at him. He looked serious and maybe even kind of sad, and I'm guessing it's not because we have gym after lunch.

He was looking down at his sketchpad, he had a pen in his hand but the paper was blank. He had a frown on his face and I could see there was something bothering him. He would never leave a page blank, whether it was on his pad, or on a textbook, or even a desk. He never lacked inspiration and much less, talent. He was always sketching, writing, or even doodling.

I came up to him, stood in front of him and softly grabbed his face. He wasn't startled; he just looked up with small, sad smile. I leaned in and kissed him softly, then pulled down his headphones so he could hear me.

"Hi, didn't see you this morning" I said softly as I sat in front of him and pulled out a veggie burrito from my bag.

"Yeah I know, I've been kind of avoiding you..." he said looking down, twirling his pen in his fingers.

I felt my heart give a squeeze, but not like the happy, fluttery one I got when I saw him, touched him, kissed him; but rather a one that made my whole chest ache, one that made my throat sore and my eyes sting with unshed tears.

"Oh…" I whispered while I grabbed my bag and tried to get up and away as fast as possible. If he was avoiding me, then I wasn't going to be one to stay. His hand shot out and grabbed my hand, I looked down at him and he was staring at my knees.

"No, please don't go, I didn't mean it like that, I really need to be with you right now okay? Just please stay." he lifted his eyes and stared at me. The look on his face was killing me, he seemed so torn.

I sat back down next to him and he immediately dropped all his things and lay down with his head on my lap. He closed his eyes and looked for my hand, I gave it to him and entwined our fingers. He sighed and started humming something. I ran my fingers through his soft hair and tried to figure out what the fuck had just happened.

After about five minutes of silence I heard a rustling and looked down to see Gerard's hand reaching for my burrito that was discarded with the rest of the things in front of us.

I stilled my hand on his head and he stilled his, slowly looking up at me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm hungry and that smells really good… I've been staring at it for the past five minutes… give me?" he pouted while blindly trying to reach the food.

I leaned down and pecked him "Okay, but you have to share." I said against his lips. He beamed at me and started unwrapping our lunch.

He brought the burrito to his lips and just as he was about to take a bite, half of the fillings spilled on his face. He looked shocked, his mouth still open and blinking his eyes, lettuce falling from his eyelashes.

It took me all of 1.2 seconds to burst out laughing. He sat up and shook his head causing veggies to fall all around us. I couldn't breathe and he just sat there picking carrots and stuff from his hair.

"Did I get it all off?" he asked me. He still had a couple of green stuff stuck to his white shirt that was now completely stained, and a few things on his hair.

I tried to contain my laughter while shaking my head.

"Help me?" he pouted at me and I couldn't help but remember his face stained with tomato sauce the day we first got together. He really was a mess eating, like a little child.

I grabbed my jumper sleeve in my hand and cleaned his face and shirt, then asked him to turn around and sit between my legs. He sat and leaned his back on my chest as I picked green shit from his hair like a monkey would. Meanwhile he grabbed what was left of the messed up burrito and ate it.

The bell rang a couple of minutes later and we headed to gym class.

After running what felt like a thousand miles, we headed to the changing room. We didn't change in front of each other because, well, first of all, it meant a lot more to us to see one another naked, and second of all, because we could get in a lot more trouble, so we just changed far apart on our own.

When I was done I always went looking for Gerard because I changed and showered way faster than him, I was used to having to share my bathroom with three sisters, so speed was a must growing up. When I got to him he was tying up his chucks, he saw me coming and smiled my way.

"Hey, you ready?"

"Yeah, almost." he stood up and grabbed his jacket and bag, then came up to me and kissed my cheek. The guy changing next to him gave us a dirty look, but I ignored him.

"Hey do you want to go to your place? Hang out for a while?" I asked him as we walked out to the parking lot.

"Umm… yeah, I can't today… I got some things to do, but I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" he looked nervous and avoided my eyes. He kissed my cheek, bid me goodbye and headed towards the cars instead of the bus stop as usual, or walking with me.

He approached a car I recognized to be his mom's, but instead of the lovely woman I expected, there was a blonde young guy smiling in Gerard's direction. He never looked back, he jut got in, said something to the guy smiling, and they drove off.

**A/N: yay another chapter! Lets say I'll be updating a lot more 'cause I have a little annoying voice in my head demanding I update or I'll get my head shaven… yeah so… hope you liked it :) thanks to my beta for making sure I don't have too many spelling mistakes and helping me with all this, she's awesome!**


	19. The Bipolar Mind

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**A/N: this will be in Frank's pov again… and maybe the next couple of chapters too, I just need to see this develop through Frank's eyes, so they will be short and precise, I'm sorry, but there will be lots, just shorter ones for now… deal with it :D**

**Chapter 19**

**The Bipolar Mind (FPOV)**

_-Find an excuse._

-Like what?

_-I don't care, we need an excuse, we need to call him, text him, visit him, anything! But we need to know who the fuck that blonde dude was._

This was all that went through my mind as I walked home. Who was that? Why didn't Gerard tell me about him? Why was he on Mrs. Way's car?

I was getting home when an idea struck me. I quickened my pace, threw my bag on the floor and ran into the kitchen. I tried to avoid my family and ran back out on my way to Gerard's. I got there about twenty minutes later, my heart was racing and my breath strained. I took a second to calm down and walked up the stairs to the front door.

I was sweating and it wasn't from the walk here. The mere thought of Gerard cheating on me was revolting. He didn't seem like the type, and more than that I never thought he would do that to me. I thought what we had was special, so unless he admits to this I won't jump to assumptions, I refuse. I've watched too many movies to know that things are never how they seem, and there always was a reasonable explanation. Things never were as bad as they seemed. Then again Gerard's previous relationship was ended on basis of an alleged affair… from his side.

I knocked on the door a little calmer, yet with the ever-burning insecurity. I waited and after a couple minutes knocked again. Thirty seconds passed and I decided to ring the bell, getting more anxious by the second. I was starting to get really nervous when the door opened.

I smiled expecting Gerard, but it was Mikey who opened the door. My face fell, but I said hi regardless. Mikey was super nice, and a pretty cool dude, and most importantly, this wasn't his fault.

"Hi Mikey!" I smiled at him.

"Hey Frank, how are you?" he smiled back to the best of his abilities; he wasn't one to smile much.

"I'm alright, how about you?" he looked much better than when I first met him, still you could see that underlying sadness. He had cut his fluffy hair and left only his bangs long, he was in desperate need of change, and it suited him.

"Doing okay, thank you." he nodded, "Did Gerard know you were coming?" he was a little fidgety, just a little more than usual, "Because he's not home y'know? He went out." He got out avoiding my eyes.

I turned my head looking to the parking space and noticed it was empty. I guess I was in too much of a hurry to notice before.

"Uh, no, he didn't… I just came to give this back." I handed him the portable coffee mug that Gerard had lend me on the first day of class. He smiled in recognition and took it from my hand. "I've had it all this time and I keep forgetting to return it, my mom keeps bugging me about it, so I thought I'd do it already before I forgot again." I gave him my lame excuse chuckling and hoped he would buy it, instead of noticing the insecure mess I was.

"Yeah don't worry about it, but thank you, he's been taking mine to school, so maybe now I'll get it back." He told me while walking to the kitchen to leave the mug. I peered in and noticed the sofa bed was made, and there was a suitcase on the floor next to it. I relaxed immediately; _of course it's family! You need to stop thinking the worse in people, like seriously._

"Hey, is family staying in town?" I smiled nodding towards the couch.

"Uh… umm… not exactly… he's-he's a friend of Gerard's… sort of, listen, I got to go now alright? See you around, Frank." He stuttered, he looked flustered and his words made me nervous again. I really needed to talk to Gerard. Soon.

"Uh, yeah sure, bye Mikey." He closed the door on my face and I stood there not knowing what to do.

I guess I walked home eventually, but I couldn't recall exactly how long it took me. I stopped at a park and headed for some swings that got direct sunlight. It was getting colder and I wasn't in the mood for wet ground and cold shadows.

Luckily the park was pretty much vacant, otherwise I would've looked pathetic, sitting alone on a swing, sulking.

In my mind I've always had these two, very strong, very present voices. You could call it my conscience, my brain and heart, the asshole and the fag, whatever. The thing is, I've always had this very rational side, and this extremely emotional one.

And right now? They were having it out in my head. One side was stating clearly that I had no evidence that he was cheating on me, and the other was curled up on a corner about to cry, irrationally thinking the worse and over reacting. Now it was only a matter of time to see who would win.

_-He avoided me, he lied and avoided me._

-He never lied, he told me he was avoiding me, he just didn't explain why.

_-He left with that _blondie _and didn't tell me about him, he said he was "busy", yeah right!_

-He said he had things to do and he's probably doing just that_._

_-Mikey was nervous, he said he was a "friend" of Gerard's._

-Mikey is always fidgeting!

_-Yeah but the _tone_..._

-What tone! He said friend, FRIEND! He's allowed to have friends you know?

_-Yeah but wouldn't he mention him?_

-I don't know, maybe he just forgot! Listen dude, chill. The fuck. Out.

_-I can't! He's been acting weird all week! Something's wrong!_

-Dude! Stop being such a chick, everything's alright, okay? You just need to wait until you talk to him before you jump to conclusions, everything will be alright I promise.

It took me about an hour to realize I was at the same park I first introduced myself to Gerard. I couldn't stop the smile from spreading as I remembered that day. The dog, the duffle bag, the mall… I can't believe that was two months ago, seems like yesterday.

I got up with a sad smile and started walking home, the sun was setting and it was getting colder, and despite the fact that the bickering in my head was inclining towards reason, I couldn't shake off the bad feeling in my chest.

And boy was I right…


	20. Curiosity killed the cat

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**A/N: I hope you haven't gotten tired of Frankie yet, 'cause I still have a couple chapters in his pov to come… it's just better for the plot if you don't know what's up with Gerard yet. Big thanks to my beta for checking all my work before I update :)**

**Chapter 20**

**Curiosity killed the cat (FPOV)**

By Thursday night I had barely seen or talked to Gerard. Tomorrow was my birthday and we were supposed to be spending the whole weekend at his place, but right now? I wasn't sure where we stood.

He left school early today claiming he had "stuff to do" and I tried calling him, but he was "busy", and as much as I wanted to believe everything was fine and nothing had changed, I couldn't, because something _had_ changed, I just had to figure out what.

It had barely struck midnight when I received a text.

_Come outside and bring an overnight bag._

I smiled as soon as I read the name on the screen, and jumped up from my bed to my closet to put together a quick bag. I was almost ready when my whole family barged in my room chanting happy birthday. I did my best to smile and nod along to the annoying song. Once I blew out the candles I asked my mom if I could talk to her, so we stepped aside while my family cleared the room.

"Hey mom, do you remember Peter?"

"Lindsay's brother?" she recalled.

"Yeah, well him and a couple other friends organized a small party for me and they asked me to spend the night. Do you mind if I leave? I promise I won't skip class tomorrow." I was begging she would buy my lie; Peter was the only 'friend' she always remembered, and I don't think she knew I didn't really have any friends.

"No sweetie, go, have fun! And remember to be safe." she winked at me.

"Mom…" I groaned at her. "You do know me and Lindsay broke up right?"

"I know honey, but I'm still hoping you'll get back together, she's such a sweetheart." she put her hand on my cheek smiling sweetly and I did my best to smile back as convincing as possible.

"I know you'll come to your senses eventually." she finished.

"Mom, she broke up with me remember?" I sighed.

"I know sweetie." she said hugging me tight, "And I know you'll get her back." she kissed my forehead and left my room.

I rolled my eyes, if she only knew how little I wanted to go back to Lindsay, and how happy I was in my new relationship… one I had failed to mention to her, I hadn't even mention Gerard to her more than once or twice, and that's something I was going to have to remedy.

I sighed and proceeded to finish packing and as soon as I was done I said a general goodbye to my family and walked out, but not before I grabbed a small bite of my mom's amazing cake with a fork leaving a noticeable dent in it. I heard my mom yell out a "Frank Anthony Iero!" before I hightailed it out of there chuckling.

Gerard was standing in front of his mom's car smiling my way. I walked to the car and he walked closer kissing my cheek and taking my bag from me. He opened the trunk and threw it there. Then walked back to me and grabbed my face looking me in the eyes.

"Happy birthday." he smiled and kissed me softly. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer deepening the kiss. After a few minutes I was out of breath and a voice in my head reminded me we were still outside of my parents house, and that my parents knew nothing about Gerard, so I reluctantly pulled back.

"Let's get out of here." I smirked at him, he smirked right back opening the passenger door for me.

"So what movies did you get for tonight?" I asked him over the music.

"Oh, just some classics, and a couple new ones that looked good." He answered nonchalantly.

"Cool, did you get any candy or do we have to pick that up?" I smiled his way.

"Don't worry, I have everything set up." He chuckled, and I wasn't getting the joke. He was up to something and I wanted to know what that was.

"Hey this isn't the way to your house, are we not going to spend the weekend at your place? Laying on the couch watching movies, eating candy and spraying 'trick or treaters' with the water guns?" I pouted at him.

That was the original plan for the weekend, and when he became all distant and weird I was afraid it was not going to happen, but after the text I assumed we were back on track and that whatever was wrong with him was over.

"Something like that." He said not taking his eyes from the road.

"Something like that? So we're not going to your house?" I tried to make out the road we were in to see if I could figure out where we were going, but apart from a few vaguely familiar places, I couldn't recognize where we were, or where we were heading.

"Kind of, not really." He smiled.

"Then where are we going?" I was frustrated; I was an incredibly curious person.

"Ahhhh…. Surprise." He said containing his laughter.

I loved surprises, but only when I was in on them, I was extremely curious, and I hated not knowing what was happening, that's one of the main reasons I hate math, I never know what the fuck is happening, it's like numbers come out of nowhere and we're supposed to figure that shit out? No way. And I would bet anything that Gerard knowing this was doing it on purpose.

"Come on tell me." I whined.

"Nope."

"C'mon!"

"No." he chuckled.

"Please?" I pleaded.

"Nah uh." He shook his head.

"I'll do anything, please? Please? Please? Please...?" I pouted at him.

"Anything?" He raised his eyebrows, looking ahead.

"Anything." I said seriously, I needed to know what was happening, the curiosity was killing me.

"Hmm… tempting, but no." she shook his head in finality.

"OH COME ON!" I yelled exasperated.

He just laughed at me and shook his head again.

"Pretty please? With a cherry on top?" I was not giving up.

"I don't like cherries." He smiled.

"Then with me on top?" I said seductively in his ear putting my hand on his thigh. I saw him tighten his grip on the steering wheel and inhale a sharp breath, but shook his head no grinding his teeth.

"Ugh, fine." I sat back down with my arms crossed on my chest looking out the window.

He chuckled and extended his right arm putting his hand palm up on my thigh, I sighed and took his hand entwining our fingers. I looked at him from my peripheral vision and saw he was smiling sweetly and I couldn't keep the straight face anymore, specially when he started singing along to the song that came on. His voice melted me and I'm pretty sure he knew it and was using it to his advantage.

So with his beautiful voice in the background and his warm hand in mine I eventually dosed off, I had no idea where he was taking me or how long it would take to get there and he wasn't telling me either, so I just let go and let myself drown in the raspiness of Gerard's voice.


	21. Chocolate cake and pink candles

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**A/N: guys I'm sorry to tell you that I'm leaving on vacations for about a month next week, so this may be the last chapter I upload in about that long, I promise to try and write as much as I can so I'm not so behind and I don't loose the rhythm of the story. Hope you like it, I made is special to make up for future absence :)**

**Chapter 21**

**Chocolate Cake and Pink Candles (FPOV)**

I woke up some time later alone and cold in Gerard's car. I tried looking around to see if I could recognize my surroundings, but I was still a little foggy from waking up, plus everything was pitch black except for a single light hidden behind some bushes a couple feet away. The music was still playing softly in the car, but it wasn't coming from the stereo, but instead from Gerard's phone on the dashboard.

I really was a heavy sleeper, I never felt Gerard leave the car or anything, and I didn't know how long it was since he left either, but I was sure he wasn't ditching me here in the middle of nowhere, I mean that would be like the worse break up ever. _Hey, yeah, sorry but this isn't working so… good luck finding your way back to the city, oh, and be careful of the wolfs and all that scary shit hiding in the dark. _Yeah, unlikely.

I decided to call Gerard since I had no idea where he was, and I was just a little terrified to go out into the darkness all by myself, so this seemed like a safe choice, but it wasn't until I recognised his ringtone blasting on the dashboard that I realized the stupidity of my actions.

I hung up and sighed, what the hell was I supposed to do now? Head towards the mysterious light? I mean it was either that or stay in the car forever_, and by forever I mean until I got really hungry or have to pee, or most likely, until Gerard came back_.

I was bracing myself to run in case I ran into a mugger, or bear, or Sasquatch or whatever the hell as hiding out there. I mean I didn't even know where I was, was this like a city? A dark alleyway? A beach? The twilight zone? Why would Gerard leave me alone and helpless here?

I was about to make a run for it when I heard a tap on my window scaring the living shit out of me, I mean I seriously think I jumped a feet in the air, I almost hit my head on the roof of the car I jumped so hard, but I wasn't exactly tall so I was safe.

I heard that beautiful laughter through the glass and opened the door glaring at him as he stood there trying his best to hold it in.

"I could've died you know?" I said exaggerating. He just nodded his head trying hard not to break, biting his lips.

"It could've been a robber! Or a bear!" I explained.

"Yeah I know, because there are so many of those around here." He said sarcastically walking closer to the car.

"Well I didn't know that," I excused myself, "Where are we anyway?" I asked walking out of the car, it was freezing out here and I craved for a second the warm comfort the car provided, but then Gerard hugged me and took off his jacket to put it on me, he provided more warmth and security any car ever could.

"Surprise!" he said kissing my cheek and grabbing my hand.

"Are you still doing that?" I sighed.

"Have you still not figured it out?" he laughed guiding me through the darkness.

"No, and hey what about my bag?" I stopped, halting him.

"Already took care of it, you're a really heavy sleeper." He chuckled looking back. "Come on, let's go inside, it's freezing out here." He tugged my hand and walked forward with a confident step while I stumbled behind him looking at the ground trying to make out the roots and stones so I wouldn't kill myself.

The second we got to the front door it hit me, I saw Gerard wiping his feet on the entrance mat and suddenly it all became too obvious.

"Wait are we at your cabin? Is this your family's cabin?" I asked him as I wiped my feet and we got inside. I had never been inside; I barely even saw the outside when I came to drop off the car with Gerard. This place was beautiful, with a big open living room right in front of us, and a huge warm fireplace in the middle making the whole place toasty and welcoming.

I saw our bags next to a big couch in front of the fireplace, and to the right a light on, in what seemed to be the kitchen. It was the only light on seeing as the fire lit up the room just enough, but I could see to my left a small dark hallway, that I assumed lead to the bedrooms.

Gerard lead me to the couch and sat down bringing me down by the hand. He smiled at me and asked, "So, do you like it?"

"Gee… it's beautiful!" I was so happy right now; this was going to be the best birthday ever!

"I'm glad you like it, I just thought it would be better if we were alone for the weekend, I feel like I haven't seen you much lately." He said looking down at our hands.

"Yeah I feel the same, you've been sort of MIA lately." I told him trying to find his eyes. He never lifted his gaze.

"I know, and I'm sorry, it's my fault." He apologized.

"What have you been up to anyways?" I was glad this instance had happened so I could figure out where the hell he had been all this days.

"Nothing… it doesn't matter," he seemed sad and reluctant to talk about it. "We're here now, and we're together, and that's all that matters right?" he put on a smile and looked at me cheerfully though it didn't reach his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so." I smiled back; he kissed my lips and stood up heading to the kitchen.

-I guess it's kind of romantic that he wanted to spend the whole weekend with me, celebrate my birthday and have all this time just to ourselves.

-_Yeah, or maybe… he didn't want me in his house because the blonde dude is staying there. Think about that._

-Or he is just doing this really sweet gesture and you're ruining it by over thinking.

_-Maybe he's been with that dude all week and he felt guilty so he took you away, I mean who wants to spend a weekend stuck with the boyfriend AND the bimbo lover._

-Why can't this just be a calm weekend with my boyfriend, celebrate my birthday, eat so much candy I feel like puking, and just not think about all this shit?

_-Listen I wouldn't bring it up if the thought weren't already buzzing through your head. Admit it, at some level you think this whole escapade has something to do with the bimbo._

-Maybe he didn't spend all week with the bimb-with the _dude_, but he spent all week busy planning this surprise, and I'm ruining it, thinking he has ulterior motives and all that shit.

_-Yeah that, or…_

"Hey, what's wrong? You've been staring at the fire for like ten minutes straight, I don't think you've even blinked." Gerard chuckled waving a hand in front of my face.

I blinked and looked at him, then my surroundings, the table in front of us was now filled with bowls with chips and popcorn and candy. I stared at the table for a second then looked up at him.

"Who's the blonde guy?" the question slipped from my mouth before I could stop it, it was like my brain took over and threw my filter out of the window. I just sat there, not blinking, not taking a single breath, just looking at him, and waiting for an answer.

At first he looked confused, he looked around for a second, probably looking for a blonde guy, but when he saw my face and realize I hadn't moved it suddenly dawned on him. His face became serious and his eyes became hard, emotionless.

"No one." He said.

"Mikey said he was your friend." I said softly, I wasn't looking for a fight, I wasn't looking for a sympathy lie, I just wanted the truth, and I was really hoping the truth was that he was no one.

"He is… kind of, not really." He said looking down. His façade was breaking.

"Why is he staying at your place?" I said barely above a whisper.

"He needed a place to crash, we're sort of doing business together, so I offered him a place to stay for the week." He sighed, he looked sad, not his face, but his eyes.

"Is he gone?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Why… why didn't you tell me about him?" I tried to say, but my voice cracked at the end.

"I didn't think you'd care, we were just talking about some plans for the future." I knew he was telling me the truth, 'cause I could tell immediately when he was lying, but still there was something he wasn't telling me.

"There's something you're not telling me… what is it?" my voice couldn't rise above a breath so I was glad we were alone, the only thing louder than me being the fire crackling behind him.

I saw his eyes water and his lip quiver, but then he took a deep breath and regained control and his face went back to neutral, "Nothing you need to worry about right now, I promise." He walked forward and kneeled in front of me so we were face to face.

"Did you have anything with him?" I got out looking at his chest, I wouldn't be able to be at peace unless I knew for a fact my brain was lying to me, until he said straight to my face he actually was just a friend, a business partner, no one.

"Is _that_ what you're worried about? That I had something with him? That I cheated on you?" he wasn't angry, he wasn't yelling, and that was good, he was just surprised.

I lifted my eyes and looked at him a single tear rolled down my face and I looked away again, I felt stupid for thinking about it, I knew Gerard wasn't capable of cheating on me, he wasn't like that, he was a good guy.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to him.

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead hugging me tight, I wrapped my arms around his waist and relaxed in his embrace. "No baby, don't apologize, I guess you had every right to think that, I have been acting weird, and I knew you saw me get in the car with Alex yet I never mentioned him or explained myself, so let me apologize for my behaviour." He said in my ear, then pulled back to look me in the eyes, "And just so we're clear, no, I never cheated on you, and I never will. I never had nor will I ever have something with Alex. In case you forgot he's not exactly my type, I don't really like guys, I just like you. You're my exception." He smiled to me, and I believed him, he was being honest and I could tell that annoying voice in my head was finally silent.

"Are we okay now? Is there anything else bothering you?" he asked holding my face in his hands. I shook my head smiling and leaned to kiss him. "Good, 'cause I got cake." He chuckled and stood up walking in the direction of the kitchen.

He came back a second later with a chocolate cake in his hands. He walked to me and kneeled again in front of me holding the cake up so I could blow out the candles. The cake had a chocolate layer and on top had seventeen lit pink candles, I leaned in to blow them and read the green glaze inscription between the candles on the centre on the cake.

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAG_

_I LOVE YOU_

My breath hitched and I looked at him baffled. My mouth wouldn't close and my eyes couldn't stop blinking. He had a small, shy smile on his face and it took only a second for a small chuckle to leave my chest and a tear to escape my eyes.

I blew the candles and leaned over the cake grabbing his face, "I love you too." I whispered against his lips and kissed him softly. I pulled back to look at him, our noses still touching, his eyes were watering too. I looked down at the cake he had lowered that now rested on his legs and took one hand from his face. I swiped my finger through the word _FAG_ and put the glazing on his nose and lips. He tried to lick it all off but he couldn't reach his nose, so I kissed it off and then kissed his lips again, they tasted sweet from the sugar and salty from the tears, and everything was perfect.


	22. I don't love you

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**A/N: SO SORRY FOR TAKING THIS LONG! *****Insert useless excuse about writer's block***** **

**Chapter 22**

**I don't love you (FPOV)**

We were laying in the master bedroom watching movies when I heard the light snore. I looked next to me to see Gerard with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open, fast asleep. I smiled and leant down to kiss him.

"I love you." I whispered against his lips.

He smiled back mumbling and started reaching for something; I pulled the covers up and handed them to him, but he frowned and opened one eye slightly. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me down to him, I put my head on his chest laughing and turned the TV off. He hugged me tight sighing and I put my arms around his torso relaxing immediately.

"_I'm so sorry Frank." He whispered. I could barely see anything, everything was dark and foggy and his voice was drowned out._

"_What? No, Gerard don't, why are you apologizing?" I didn't understand what was happening._

"_I'm so sorry, I just, I have-I have to leave…" he said stuttering._

"_What? Gerard what's happening? Go where? This is your house, I don't get it." My mind was racing trying to understand what he wanted to say._

"_No, not leave like that, I mean I'm leaving you." he said looking down._

"_Leaving me? Wha-why? Did I-did I do something?" the knot in my throat was choking me, I couldn't swallow, and I could barely breathe anymore._

"_No… I just… I don't love you anymore." He said firmly. _

_With every word he said my throat became tighter, my chest more hollow, and my sight blurrier. I was two seconds away from caving in and my mind was still trying to figure out what was happening._

"_What?" I managed to whisper. I kept blinking trying to see more clearly, but my sight stayed blurry and my mind hazy._

_He reached out and wiped my cheeks with his thumb, I realized I was crying and heavily sobbing. I slapped his hand away and saw a hint of pain in his eyes. He shook his head and squared his shoulders. With a straight face he leaned in and kissed my forehead, I closed my eyes taking him in._

"_Good bye Frank." He whispered against my forehead. He lowered his face leaning his forehead against mine, our noses touching. I reached up to pull him in for a kiss, try to convince him to stay, but he was already gone._

_I couldn't feel or hear him, I tried to open my eyes to chase after him, but I couldn't. It was like they were stuck together, tears still streaming from them. I was in complete darkness and dizzier than ever, I kept sobbing, my whole body shaking, and my throat was so tight I could barely breathe, my knees felt weak beneath me and before I knew it I passed out._

I woke up frantic, sweaty and crying. I opened my eyes and saw Gerard underneath me, my face buried in his chest, he was hugging me tight and with a look of deep concern on his face.

He sighed, "You're finally awake, are you alright?" he stroked my face wiping away the tears.

"You're here…" I whispered grabbing his shirt under me, tight.

"Yes, and for about an hour trying to waken you up. You've been tossing and mumbling and crying, but you wouldn't wake up, so I just held you and waited." He said with a frown on his face, still stroking mine. He pulled me closer and kissed me softly sighing against my lips. "What were you dreaming about? I was worried sick, I hate that you're such a deep sleeper." He said with one hand on my back holding me tight against him and the other on my neck running his fingers through my hair soothingly.

"Do you love me?" I asked him looking at his chest, still griping his shirt close to me.

He chuckled. "Of course I do, didn't I tell you last night?"

"But did you really mean it?" My throat was threatening to close up again. I had never said I love you to anyone ever before, and no one had ever said it to me, this was a big deal for me, so the insecure mess I am inside was wondering, and though I wanted him to be honest with me, I also wanted for the truth to be that he actually meant it.

"Hey…" he grabbed my chin and lifted my face. "If you don't believe me there's a cake in the kitchen that can answer that for you." he smiled kissing me again. "Was that what the nightmare was about?"

"Yeah… sorry, I feel stupid." I told him. "Damn Lindsey." I whispered under my breath.

"Lindsey? What does she have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, just stupid movies she made me watch… I guess they stuck in my head." I said shaking my head.

"Hey, I don't care what any movie, song or ex-girlfriend showed you or taught you, when I said I loved you I meant it, with all my heart. I would've never said it if I wasn't ready, and though it scared me shitless to write it down, I took a chance because I felt you deserved to know, and I deserved to tell you. I've been dying since I realized how I felt about you, to be able to tell you, that I love you, and now I can, and you better believe it's true." He said smiling and reaching down to wrap his hand on top both my fists.

I relaxed one of my hands and intertwined our fingers, smiling. "I do." I believed every word he said, and was happy to find out he felt just as I did, and hoped with all my might that I never have to hear those five dreaded words come out of him ever again…

…_I don't love you anymore. _

**A/N: Also I want to thank my new beta, Poly, cause I couldn't reach my old one, and well she's like my best friend, so thank you for putting up with all my shit and pushing me to keep writing, I love you.**


	23. Facing reality

**IS IT HARD UNDERSTANDING, I'M INCOMPLETE**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN MCR or any of their music, any of the characters, or anything… barely some imagination… barely…**

**A/N: Gerard's pov for this chapter so you can see what's going on through his mind, probably will change back to Frank's next chapter… enjoy! PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END!**

**Chapter 23**

**Facing reality (GPOV)**

We were a week away from winter break and I had lots of decisions to make, important decisions. Alex had called already, about two days ago and he needed an answer, and I needed to choose.

The weight of keeping secrets from Frank was starting to make me sick, but truth wasn't an option when even I didn't know how this was going to play out. And I mean I'm feeling literally ill. As the days passed I felt worse and worse, so today I decided to skip class, and use the alone time to think. I texted Alex to give me a couple of days, but I knew he needed an answer before Monday.

Frank being the fucking amazing boyfriend he was, and seeing as it was Friday, had told me he was coming over to take care of me. I had told him what I had wasn't contagious, so he was spending the night. If only he could make me better, cause chances were I was only going to end up even worse by the end of the weekend than how I started it.

I ended up spending all day either sleeping or just in bed trying to avoid thinking of the troubling dreams I was having. So when Frank texted me to open the door, I panicked. I hadn't done any thinking and now I had to face him. 24 hours with the love of my life and I couldn't enjoy it quite as I would like to.

I dragged my feet across the room and made my way to the bathroom to use some mouthwash quickly before going downstairs. The second I opened the front door I was greeted by the sight of Frank carrying two bags full of groceries and a card between his teeth.

"Hi." He managed to mumble, smiling before I got the card from his mouth and one of the bags.

"Hi." I smiled back. He stepped forward and kissed me briefly, then made his way to the kitchen.

I followed suit carrying the other bag and trying to open the small blue card in my hand with the help of my chin. It had the drawing of a pink hippo in bed with a thermometer in his mouth. I opened it and read '**Get well soon' **in generic bolded letters and underneath in that chicken scratch I loved so much was written 'I hope you get better, I love you.' and his signature 'Frank'.

I couldn't help the smile on my face as I approached him. I left the bag on the counter next to the other one and turned him around, grabbed his face and kissed him hard. He was so perfect and I needed to convey that. I definitely didn't deserve him, but I was going to cherish every second with him until he realizes that. He kissed me back chuckling and putting his arms around my waist, pulling me closer.

He pulled away laughing, "Mmm… minty."

I laughed along, "Yeah."

I looked around at the bags and what Frank was getting out of them. "So… what's all this?" I said picking up a DVD laying on the counter.

"Home remedies… for whatever the hell is wrong with you." he simply stated while taking the DVD from my hand and continuing to take random things from the bags and placing them on the counter in front of us.

"But you don't know what's wrong with me, hell, _I_ don't know what's wrong with me." I told him while examining the new items.

"Precisely." He smiled. "For the common flu." He said holding up some medicine and a can of veggie soup. "Anxiety." He showed me several bags of chips and candy. "Stress." He lifted some action movies and a box of special herb tea. "I would've bought beer, but you know it's kind of hard when you're seventeen and you look fifteen." He chuckled and so did I, I was perplexed at all the trouble he had gone through. "Anyways, depression…" he looked around for other DVDs, Marvel movies and hot chocolate. "And finally, and this is just in case… PMS." He said smiling while he gathered several chocolate bars, ice cream, and romantic movies.

I laughed while I picked a chocolate bar from his hand and opened it taking a bite. "Definitely not PMS, but this is really good."

"Well it didn't hurt to make sure." He smiled my way while he started to organize the ridiculous amounts of junk food.

"It didn't hurt cause you know you'll get rid of all this chocolate if I don't want to eat it, you sugar freak." I chuckled and kissed his cheek as he blushed slightly.

"Yeah well… shut up." He mumbled under his breath while he took the half-gallon of ice cream to the freezer.

I really can't believe he would do this for me, that he would go through all this trouble just to make me happy, just to try to help me feel better. I had told him I wasn't feeling well, that I wasn't sick; but that overall I wasn't fine and that I was taking a day off to rest. Still he decided to come over and help in any way he could, and though in a way I was taking a break from him, I couldn't be happier he was here.

He's just too perfect, there's no way I could ever repay him for all he has done for me. He has helped me so much, he's made me a better person and I will forever be grateful. He was there for me when Mikey broke down, he's there for me everyday in school, and now he's here, taking care of me, once again.

I love him, I really do, which is why I need to make up my mind.

"So? What's it gonna be?" he asked me while I mindlessly nibbled on the candy bar.

"What?" He had totally caught me off guard, and I realized I hadn't listened to a thing he'd said.

"Pick your poison dude." He said chuckling. "Hey are you alright? You got somber all of the sudden" he looked concerned. He dropped whatever he was holding on the counter and walked towards me putting his hands on my neck.

"I'm okay." I answered looking down. I couldn't really bare to see his eyes right now, couldn't lie to his face when he was being so caring with me.

"Sure you're alright?" he asked scrutinizing my face and putting one hand on my forehead. He looked so genuinely worried; he really did love me.

"Yeah, sure." I faked a smile and leaned in to kiss him.

He looked sceptical and I knew he wasn't buying it. Somehow he always knew when I was lying, but he let it go, and again, I was grateful.

"Okay then." He said turning around and picking some of his favourite treats from the counter, "This is for me, what do you want?" he smiled nodding to the rest of the food.

"Uhh…" I approached the table and grabbed most of the salty stuff. Frank had a major sweet tooth, but I was more attached to my legs and didn't want to have them amputated from the diabetes level 1000 he probably had at this point, so I rarely ate sweets. He was a dessert kind of guy, I was more a nachos and cheese kind of person.

I walked to the fridge and barely managed to grab two cans of Coke then turned around and smiled at him, this time honestly. This is what I wanted from life, just easy, fun, uncomplicated, loving time with Frank. "Ready. Now what's the plan?" I walked to him while he walked away with a box in his mouth mumbling "Videogames." And walked in the direction of the living room smiling and peering back at me.

"Videogames? I didn't see that as one of your magical medical cures."

He dropped the videogame on the couch and turned around licking his lips, "Ahh that's cause they were hidden in my bag, it was the mysterious option number six." He said confidently while placing all the candy on the coffee table and helping me with the cans that were freezing my arm.

I dropped the chips and the rest of the stuff next to the colourful treats and faced him. "Mysterious option number six huh? So exactly what is this supposed to cure?" I smiled at him while I picked the box from the couch and examined it.

"Nothing." He said simply and I looked up at him confused. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer. "Because there is nothing wrong with you, you just need some love." He whispered pecking my lips. "And to relax." He smiled.

I smiled back and wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight and lifting him so I could kiss him. "So I'm love sick?" I asked pulling away out of breath.

"Mhmm." He nodded biting his lip. His eyes were glazing up and he kept darting them from my eyes to my lips.

"And what do you recommend doctor?" I leaned in and whispered in his ear.

I felt him shiver against me and almost purr. "Well, me, of course. High doses of me." He bit softly my neck and pushed me down on the couch next to us.

He climbed on top of me, straddling me, and took off his leather jacket. He bent down and kissed me passionately, I was speechless at this newfound attitude, and it took me a second to recover and kiss him back.

His hands were all over my chest, grabbing my hoodie forcefully, and mine were all over his hair, messing up his once perfect fauxhawk.

I heard him moan as I tugged his hair and he bit my lip in response making me shiver. My hands trailed down his back and under his shirt scratching lightly, while his ventured to my hips, his fingers just barely caressing my skin.

I smiled against his lips and whispered, "I love you." I opened my eyes and he was smiling back at me, he looked me in the eyes and leaned forward to kiss my forehead, "I love you too."

I took advantage of his slightly elevated position to bite his neck softly; he chuckled and growled kissing me hard. I lowered my hands grabbing his perfect ass pulling him closer making us both moan while he roamed my stomach with his hands. They were freezing as usual, but the cold feeling against my hot skin felt amazing.

I unconsciously lifted my hips looking for some friction, and when Frank grinded back a low moan left both our mouths, stopping our kiss and leaving us both opened mouthed, panting.

I reached up to take Frank's hoodie off, his hands helping me in a rush. He then proceeded to practically rip mine off, while grinding and rubbing, both desperate for some release. The second the hoodie was off my head I reached up, grabbed Frankie's neck, and pulled him down to me.

We were both out of breath and I started running my fingers down his back, he was beginning to sweat and I couldn't help but run my fingers hard, leaving bright red marks and making him moan and grind hard against me.

He pulled away panting and smiled at me, then lowered his head and began kissing and biting my neck. I was chuckling and moaning at the feeling of his tongue going up my throat and his soft nibbling on my ear when the front door closed making Frank jump up and fall to the floor.

I sat up holding in my laughter and looked at the entrance to check it weren't my mom. Luckily it wasn't, there stood Mikey chuckling, looking at Frank on the floor, sitting, shocked face in place and messy hair and clothes to complete the dishevelled look.

"You're so busted, don't even try to play it cool." Mikey laughed walking a little closer leaning on the living room doorway. I subtly grabbed a cushion and placed it on my lap while trying to figure out how I was supposed to explain this to my little brother. I mean don't get me wrong; better him than mom, but still this required some explanations.

"I won't, and I'm sorry you had to see that, listen Mikey I can explain…" I stuttered looking down embarrassed. The flustered look on Frank's face was almost enough to make me laugh, and the fact that Mikey was reacting so well to this made me relax a little.

"Oh, I didn't see anything, thank god, I just heard you laughing and then a loud thump." He chuckled looking at Frank. "You alright dude?" he asked him trying to hide the smirk.

"Yeah man, thanks." Frank smiled back, but kept his eyes low.

Mikey nodded at him then switch his eyes to me, "So…?" he trailed off.

"Mikey, umm you know Frank right?" I said pointing at him and scratching the back of my neck, _wow this is super awkward_.

He raised an eyebrow and looked at me like _are you being serious right now?_

"Yeah, well, okay… we've been-we've been sort of going out for a couple months, he's-he's umm… he's my… boyfriend." I managed to stutter out looking down. I don't know why I was so nervous, Mikey was super cool with this kind of things, but to be honest, his approval was the one that mattered the most to me, and if he rejected me for some reason it would be really hard for me to handle.

"Dude, chill, you think I didn't already know?" he told me with that completely relaxed '_Mikey attitude'_.

"You-you _knew_?" I was in no denial that maybe it was kind of obvious, but I didn't think he'd know for sure.

"Gerard I think you're forgetting that we go to the same school, I've heard the rumours, I've been teased about it, I've seen you holding hands, and most importantly I've seen you kiss under your special little tree and stuff. Don't worry I don't mind, I just wish you would've told me yourself, but we're cool brother, I love you." he smiled and got up kissing my head and ruffling my hair before heading to the kitchen.

I was speechless and apparently so was Frank who stayed on the floor and just sat there gaping at me.

Frank was standing up when Mikey came in saying something but was cut off when he saw Frank, and then he burst out laughing. When Frank took off his leather jacket and threw it, he managed to knock some of the stuff from the table to the floor, so when he got up and my candy bar was all smashed and smeared on his pants Mikey and I couldn't contain the laughter.

"Really Gerard?" he chuckled slightly annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I just-I can't." I said trying to calm down.

"Fine then, have it your way." He smirked at me and proceeded to sit on my lap smearing my pajama pants and then kissing my check putting his arms around my neck.

"Fine I wont laugh anymore" I still chuckled. "Now come on let's get changed." He stood up and made his way to the stairs grabbing his bag on his way and I followed while Mikey was left behind still laughing while he headed back to the kitchen.

"Hey Frank! All his crap yours?" he asked while we climbed the stairs.

"Yeah." Frank yelled back stopping where he was and looking back in the general direction of the kitchen.

"Mind if I take some candy?" Mikey peered from the kitchen doorway.

"No, not at all, just not anything salty." Frank smiled back, winking at me.

"Yeah yeah, Gerard's snacks, I get it, thank you!" Mikey said before going back into the kitchen.

"No problem." Frank said turning back to go to my room.

"Oh, and guys?" Both Frank and I looked back at Mikey's voice.

"Yeah?" we said in unison.

"If I hear _one weird noise_ up there, I'm stealing all the food and turning the TV and stereo all the way up and you'll have to deal with the noise complaints." He said coolly.

I chuckled knowing Mikey's sense of humour, but when I looked back Frank's face was so red it almost glowed in the dark.

"Chill man, he's just kidding." I said as I grabbed his shoulders, turned him around and pushed him all the way to my room.

**A/N: IMPORTANT! i moved this story to ( adultfanfiction . net ) because this site is deleting a lot of "adult fics" i will keep updating here, but in case this story is deleted for some reason, you can find it there, it won't let me post the link, but**** my story is called the same and my author name is the same. thank you for reading! i love you all! :)**

**ps: i'll see if i can post the link in a comment or something, so check that out, and if you want feel free to give me some feedback ;) i'll probably be doing some small changes to the chapters as i reupload them there. And be sure to be +18 to go to that site.**


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